


Where Do You Run?

by jaykw2614



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chicago (City), Detective Lexa, Doctor Clarke, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Major Character Injury, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-28 17:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 78,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8456140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaykw2614/pseuds/jaykw2614
Summary: Lexa is a detective in Chicago assigned to the Intelligence Unit. When responding to a hostage call, she saves the life of a beautiful blonde doctor named Clarke. From that moment on, the two find themselves drawn to each other, but Lexa's past might prevent her from allowing herself to fall for someone again. Inspired by song 'Where Do You Run' by The Score





	1. You've Rescued Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first ever Clexa fic. It's loosely based off the Chicago Trilogy TV series (Chicago PD/Med/Fire) by Dick Wolf. Please let me know what you think and tell me if there are any errors or parts that don't make sense. I love/need constructive criticism. Hope you all enjoy.

Lexa didn’t even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before she jumped out of the passenger seat and raced through the front doors of St. Joseph’s General Hospital with her partner a few seconds behind her. Chaos ensued all around them as civilians there to visit loved one’s and scared ER patients ran past them with genuine fear in their eyes. Following the screams and the direction in which some of the nurses were pointing, Lexa & her partner, Detective Bellamy Blake sprinted down the corridor of the hospital. The closer they got to the point of origin for the hysteria, the more they were able to better assess the situation. Hearing the loud, rough voice of the man causing the commotion, Lexa drew her service pistol while Bellamy raised his assault rifle, both wanting to be prepared for whatever could potentially pop-off.

As they stopped just before turning down the hallway, more people ran by them in a panic. One of them noticed the Police badges, bullet-proof vests and drawn guns and slowed to warn them. “He has a gun! He grabbed one of the doctors and now he’s just screaming at everyone!”

“We’ll take it from here.” said Bellamy in a calming yet urgent manner. “Keep going down the hallway until you get to the main doors.” The second the sentence was complete the woman was once again running down the hallway. Watching her go, Bellamy & Lexa saw two other members of their team pass her by and head in their direction, guns at the ready. Detectives Kyle Wick & Lincoln Richards joined them at their place just before the crossing of the hall.

“What’s the situation?” Lincoln asked, looking back and forth between Lexa & Bellamy.

“Chloe Cooke passed away about an hour ago.” Bellamy told them. They could hear the disappointment in his voice. It was the same tone he always projected when they lost someone they tried so tirelessly to save. But, unfortunately, that was a part of the job that were, at times, inevitable.

“Chloe Cooke?” Wick asked looking puzzled & shocked at the same time. “The victim from that abduction case we just closed? I thought the doctors said she was going to be fine.”

“Apparently she went into cardiac arrest.” Lexa informed them. “They tried to revive her, but she didn’t make it.”

“Now her boyfriend, Atom Ward, has gone off the deep end. According to one of the nurses he’s got a doctor in there at gunpoint.” Bellamy said finishing the sentence for his partner, and bringing the two of them up to speed. That’s when he grabbed the radio off of his vest, held it up to his mouth and spoke quietly into it, cluing the rest of the force in the vicinity of what was happening. “This is Detective Blake with Intelligence. I have a 10-14 at St. Joseph’s General. Suspect’s name is Atom Ward currently holding a doctor at gunpoint in the South-West end of the first level; requesting immediate back-up. Be advised that there are plain-clothes officers on scene.”

“Copy that detective. Back-up is in route. ETA of the nearest available unit is 2 minutes.” At the sound of the dispatch on the other end of the radio, all four detectives looked at one another, each of them knowing from past experience that in that amount of time, so many things could go wrong.

Lexa shook her head. “That’s way too long. We need to go in now.”

“Agreed.” Bellamy said. “How do you guys want to handle this?”

Before any of the guys had a chance to speak, Lexa took the lead as she always did. “About ten feet back I saw an access door for medical staff; it leads to the back offices that wrap around the ward. Bellamy, head in there and see if you can come up behind him…at best maybe you can sneak people out. Wick, Lincoln…you two, follow my lead.”

“I’m pretty sure you need a keycard to open that door. Do I look like Monty? How exactly am I supposed to bypass that lock?” Bellamy asked, a small part of him hoping to hinder his partner’s constant and obsessive headship and trying to mess with her.

Lexa answered his question first with a sly smile, having done this dance with him many times before, and in some cases, during more dire situations. “You’ll figure it out.”

Lincoln & Wick shared a look with Bellamy. “Yes commander.” Shaking her head again, this time solely at her partner, Lexa readied herself and the guys followed suit. The three of them watched as Bellamy made his way toward the access door with haste. Upon reaching it, without hesitation or hint of forethought, he used the butt of his Sig Sauer Tactical M400 like a battering ram hitting it repeatedly until the indication light switched from red to green. Giving them a quick nod, he opened the door and disappeared down the corridor.

Standing at the edge of the hallway, hugging the wall, Lexa glanced behind her to get the all clear from the guys. Once they all gave the classic nod signifying they were prepared, she quickly turned the corner, raised her gun and situated her body in a tactical stance. Advancing through the double doors of the ICU, she immediately caught sight of their suspect, with whom they had dealt several times within the last week in an effort to rescue his now late girlfriend who was abducted from a shopping mall parking lot.

The second they entered the Intensive Care Wing, their cop eyes quickly assessed the scene before them acting as a sixth sense they’d acquired during their training at The Academy. Without uttering a word or so much as giving a swift glance toward one another, Lincoln, Wick & Lexa instinctually fell into a strategic formation. Positioning themselves a few feet apart from one another, blocking the main entrance, they aimed the barrels of their guns all in the same direction.

Atom Ward was a wreck; that much was evident. The first thought through Lexa’s mind was remembering looking into his background to rule him out as a suspect in the abduction of his girlfriend, Chloe. Something that stood out was his rebelliousness during his adolescence which escalated to the point that his parents sent him to a military-style reform school, where he learned discipline, resilience and more importantly, how to handle weapons. There was no doubt that he had retained everything he had learned. The manner in which he was holding the blonde, was so proficient, there was no way any of them could get a clean shot off without hitting her too.

“Atom! Put the gun down!!” Lexa spoke with such conviction, it’s no wonder she became a cop.

Atom, however, was in no condition to listen to reason or follow any commands. “No! You guys don’t need to be here! This is none of your business!”

Wick stood directly to Lexa’s left just a few feet away, lining up his sights as best as he could with what little he could see of Atoms face. “You don’t have to do this, Atom!! Just let her go and drop the gun!!” he commanded.

Lincoln shifted his focus to look at the doctor, gauging the best way to make sure she remained calm, but his eyes widened once he recognized just who Atom Ward was holding.

“Clarke?” he asked, causing her eyes to meet his. “...Clarke, are you alright?” She nodded, never opening her mouth.

Without breaking his sight on the occurrence, Wick aimed a quiet question towards his partner. “You know her?”

“She’s friends with Octavia.” He responded. “Clarke. Just stay calm. Everything is going to be fine.” Again, she nodded, but all the detectives could hear her heavy breathing through her nostrils.

“No, everything is not going to be fine!” Atom screamed back angrily. “Don’t tell her that. That’s exactly what she told me.”

“Atom, calm down.” Lexa said in a more soothing tone. “Talk to me, okay, what’s going on?”

With tears streaming down his cheeks freely, Atom shook his head, struggling to accept the meaning behind his words. “She’s dead…she’s gone.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.” All authority left Lexa’s voice & was replaced with empathy.

“No, you don’t need to apologize. You did your job. You promised me you’d find her and you did. But this blonde bitch here,” He grabbed Clarke tighter, jamming the gun tighter into the side of her head, forcing her to wince from the pain. “Said Chloe would be fine. She was supposed to be okay! Then she just…stopped breathing, everyone was rushing in.”

“They tried to help her. They did their best.”

“No…they gave up…after only a minute, they gave up on her.” He used his shoulder to wipe the tear streaks from his cheeks and motioned with his head to the room they were standing just outside of. “And now look. This was her room. She hasn’t even been dead for three hours, and they already made it as though she was never even here. Like she never existed in the first place.”

Lexa lowered her gun and took a step forward, raising her left hand, showing him that she wasn’t an immediate threat. “Okay…Atom, listen to me. I know you just lost…everything, and right now it seems like there is no point to keep on going, but…”

“What next? Are you going to tell me it gets better?”

“No.” Lexa said shaking her head. “Because it doesn’t. Not at first anyway, but eventually…it becomes easier to live with. And with each passing day, it gets that much easier.”

Just then, Lexa had noticed in her peripheral vision that Bellamy had slowly begun to open the back office door. Thankfully the door was well out of Atom’s line of sight. Holding the gun steady in his direction, Bellamy stood guard, shielding some of the hostages as they used the now propped open door to make their silent escape. Fortunately, thanks to the nurse’s station residing in the center of the room, Atom, along with the other three detectives, couldn’t see the hostages crawling their way to the exit.

Atom, however, wasn’t about to let himself fall for what he was sure was a ploy. “No, no no…Don’t do that. Don’t-don’t talk to me like you know what I’m going through. I know this is just something every cop does in this situation. Empathize with the perp and get him to drop the gun.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. I do know what you’re going through.”

“NO YOU DON’T!!!!!” He screamed so loud, everyone left in the room nearly jumped out of their skin.

“YES!!…Yes, I Do!!!” Lexa took a deep breath, a preemptive strike against the tears she was sure would form as she uttered the next few words. “Do you…Do you remember three years ago…The whole city was on edge because of that serial killer that was at large? His name was John Murphy.”

Atom nodded his head behind Clarke’s. “Yeah, I remember. They said he killed, like, 17 people.”

“18.” Lexa corrected. “And one of them…was my girlfriend. Her name was Costia.” It took everything she had not to let her voice break just uttering her name. Bellamy, Lincoln & Wick were all surprised to hear her talk about it after so long. It was the first time any of them had heard her speak Costia’s name since what had happened.

Lexa took a deep and shaky breath before she could continue. “And he killed her because I was investigating him and I got too close. I knew it was him, but I couldn’t prove it. So, I started harassing him, thinking I’d spook him, hoping, maybe he’d slip up & make a mistake. All I did was piss him off. So he started following me after work…that’s when he learned about my relationship with her and he used that to get back at me. One night, I came home and our apartment was trashed & Costia was missing. He had kidnapped her, he tortured her, killed her then left her body beneath a freeway overpass. So trust me when I say...I know what you’re going through.”

They could tell by the look on his face that he was starting to come to his senses. “…How long until you didn’t…feel like this anymore?”

Lexa knew she was wearing down his defenses. “A while. Sometimes…on a bad day…I still feel like that. There were times I couldn’t even get out of bed. But I got through all that. And you sure as hell can too. The first step is to just accept that she’s gone, and as much as it sucks, know that there is nothing that can be done.”

His grip on Clarke started to loosen a bit. Tears streaming down his face, he lowered his head into her shoulder, both mentally and emotionally defeated. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” He said quietly directly into Clarke’s ear, though she had a feeling she wasn’t who he was directing his apology towards. More and more, the hold he had on Clarke slackened until he let go completely. His gun hand no longer aimed at her and rested against his chest as he leaned his back against the wall.

Lincoln took one hand off his gun and called out to her, motioning to her. “Clarke…Come here.” Slowly increasing the distance between herself and Atom, Clarke looked back in fear that his mercy would be short lived. Seeing his eyes closed and his head hung in devastation, she turned back to Lincoln and quickly made her way to him. Lincoln threw his arm around her and pulled her behind him defensively, re-aiming his gun and attention to Atom.

“Alright Atom.” Lexa began once Clarke was safe. “You’re doing great. Now just drop the gun.”

He shook his head as the tears continued to fall. “I can’t. You might have been strong enough to survive that…but I’m not. I don’t want to survive this.”

Hearing the defeat in his voice, Lexa immediately grew concerned of what his next move might be. When he looked back up at her, there was a dead look in his eyes that replaced the despair. “Atom…?” She asked apprehensively, raising her gun back at him slowly as he did the same. “Atom, don’t!!!”

Lexa so desperately wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Lining him up in the sights of her Sig P226, she hesitated to pull the trigger. The last thing she wanted to do was shoot a man grieving a tragic loss.

On the other side of the room, Bellamy quietly closed the service door trying not to give away his presence and retain his upper hand, hoping to get to Atom before he would be able to get a shot off at his partner. Sadly, discretion on his part lead to sluggish advancement; there was no way he would get there in time to stop him without alerting him and catching a bullet himself.

Her reluctance to fire allowed Atom to get a shot off. Missing the detectives completely and hitting the wall behind them, intentionally, knowing the outcome, lead to both Lexa and Wick to each discharge their weapons twice, hitting Atom center mass. As Atom fell to the ground, and the echo of the gunfire faded, the room then filled with sounds of screaming from those that were left against their will.

No longer burdened by the need to be quiet, Bellamy rushed to the lifeless body riddled with bullet wounds, and kicked the gun out of his hand before kneeling down to check his pulse. A few moments passed but Bellamy felt nothing. He looked up to his partner and the other two detectives shaking his head. All three of them holstered their weapons and relaxed their stances. Lincoln turned back towards Clarke to check on her. Wick and Lexa stood, staring at Atom’s lifeless body lying still on the ground.

Bellamy rose back up and looked around the room, noticing the remaining hostages that were left. “Is everyone okay?!” he asked aloud, prompting the nurses, and civilians to slowly stand now that they were officially safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the first chapter. If enough people like it, I'll keep it going and update as often as I can. Let me know if you love it or hate it, but thanks for reading!


	2. Don't Know How I Was Getting By Without You Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The detectives head back to the precinct to deal with the fallout of what happened at the hospital. They have their interviews with Internal Affairs. And at their usual bar that night, Lexa gets a visit from a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say I appreciate all the interest not only on this site but FanFiction as well. Here is the second chapter. Hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think and send me any questions or corrections you have. I enjoy the constructive criticism so please keep 'em coming. Happy reading!!

**Outside the Hospital**

-

A few moments after the tension in the ICU had subsided following Atom Ward’s inevitable demise, backup had finally arrived. Six uniformed officers, guns drawn, had stormed in, unaware that the situation had been handled. On Bellamy’s orders, three stayed behind to secure the area for the Crime Scene Unit while the other three assisted the detectives with escorting the survivors outdoors.

When the automatic double doors opened to the front entrance of the hospital, the drop off zone resembled a scene from an MTV Red Carpet coverage special. Squad units had roped off the perimeter outside about fifty yards away with the classic yellow caution tape. Behind it, an array of civilians, passersby and news reporters gathered along with the fortunate hospital occupants who had managed to make it out as the madness ensued.

Despite the fact that it was the middle of the day, the second newspaper photographers saw people emerge, the flashes from their camera’s emanated from the crowd in droves. Even with the sun bearing down on them through the city’s skyscrapers, the sudden beams of light were almost blinding.

 -

Lincoln was the last detective to exit the hospital. Walking slowly alongside Clarke, with his arm wrapped tightly around her for emotional security, he spoke softly in her ear to ease any pending anxiety. As he guided her through the hospital, he took the opportunity to question her on the way, trying to get all the info he could about Atom’s intentions with her.

Hearing a pair of familiar voices speaking somewhat aggressively with a uniformed officer, Clarke looked up to see her mother and sister pushing their way past him to get to her, relieved to finally see that she was alright.

“Clarke!!” Screamed Dr. Abby Griffin-Kane in unison with her oldest daughter, Raven, as they ran towards her youngest, tears welling in both of their eyes.

“Mom!!” Clarke yelled. Completely forgetting Lincoln’s presence, the blonde doctor hurried to her family and became painfully enveloped in the embrace of her mother and older sister. She gladly welcomed the discomfort as opposed to the position she was in a half hour ago and the one she could be in had things ended differently.

Lincoln took a moment to relish in the joy the trio was experiencing. As he turned to leave, he was stopped by the feel of a hand suddenly grabbing his arm. Following the arm to where it came from, his eyes met with Abby, the Chief Administrator of the hospital they were standing in front of. With her other arm still wrapped protectively around her girls, she found the breath to whisper a hoarse, “Thank You.” He nodded to her and smiled for reassurance until she let go, allowing him to reconvene with his team.

* * *

 

The four members of the 26th precinct Intelligence Unit gathered together by one of the numerous squad cars that had been parked away from all the anarchy to clear their heads. They were incredibly close-knit given the high stress situations they have to deal with daily.

Quickly, they abandoned their relaxed postures to stand at attention upon the approach of the commanding officer of their unit, Sergeant Kendall Byrne. At first glance, it was obvious that she was not to be messed with. Every cop in the city knew her reputation of how she got things done. She had a way of instilling fear in even the most psychotic sociopaths. She used that power to run the Intelligence Unit, which is what made it the great team that it was. Every detective in that squad took her orders without question because of the tremendous respect they had for her and knowing she had their backs.

 “Detectives.” She began sternly. Her tone was never anything but official. “What happened?”

 Bellamy stepped forward, the first to address their boss. “Atom Ward. The boyfriend from the abduction case we closed a few days ago…”

“I remember. Chloe Cooke.” Sergeant interjected, recalling the cases on their roster.

“Well,” Lexa continued, “Chloe Cooke succumbed to the trauma. The drugs her abductor pumped into her to keep her sedated strained her system. She went into cardiac arrest.”

Lincoln jumped in. “Doctors and nurses tried to revive her but after several minutes with no response…they had to call it.”

“The doctor in charge of her case,” Said Wick, “Clarke Griffin, informed Mr. Ward that there was nothing they could do.”

Byrne had grown accustomed to the manner in which her detectives would debrief her on the occurrences of certain situations. They each took turns delivering the necessary information, bouncing off each other to finish a statement made by another. They never had a set order or plan of who said what, when. It was always up in the air. The rapport they had developed over time was a testament to how flawlessly well they worked together.

Lincoln continued. “He lost it. Goes home, gets his gun, comes back to the hospital and wanders the halls shooting any and every staff member that treated Chloe while she was here.”

“So why the hostage standoff?” Byrne asked.

“Dr. Griffin is the daughter of the Hospital’s Chief Administrator, Dr. Abigail Griffin.” said Lincoln, recalling all the information Clarke had divulged to him in their walk from the ICU to the exterior of the hospital. “He wanted to kill her mother in front of her so she could feel the grief he was going through. What he didn’t know, though, was that the Chief was out at lunch when the hospital went on lockdown.”

Bellamy folded his arms. “Lexa was able to talk him down and get him to release her, but he had no intention of coming out of there alive.”

“Who took him down?” Byrne asked scanning her eyes over each of the four detectives.

“Lexa & I did.” Wick said. “He aimed right at her. Even got a shot off. We had no choice Serge.”

“I don’t doubt it. It sounds like a clean shoot, but still you both discharged your weapons, so it has to be cleared by IAB. All four of you head back to the precinct and wait for me while I get this under control.”

“Copy that.” Said Bellamy. Sgt. Byrne made her way back to the collection of squad cars to take the lead over all of the uniformed officers. The four detectives remained where they were. As they exchanged stoic glances between each other, none of them so much as uttered a word. It had become a ritual among them over the years whenever any of them had the misfortune of having to take a life in the line of duty. Wick, Lincoln, Bellamy and Lexa directed their gaze to the ground in between them, taking a moment of silence amongst themselves for Atom Ward & Chloe Cooke.

After a few moments had passed Bellamy cleared his throat, an indication that they had spent enough time honoring the lives that had been lost. Each of them looked back up at one another and exchanged a series of fist bumps, their way of saying ‘job well done’.

Wick and Lincoln were the first to break off from the group and head back to their car. Bellamy was next as he entered the madness in search of his sister, Octavia. There was no doubt that she caught wind of the situation and was somewhere in the midst of the confusion searching for her big brother to make sure he was okay. Lexa agreed to meet him by their car, both of them hoping that, by then, they could clear the way and allow them to leave.

As Lexa made her way towards her and Bellamy’s unmarked car, she glanced in the direction of where the officers lead the doctor, Clarke, to take her official statement. Getting one last visual to ensure that she was okay, Lexa had caught herself staring at the blonde as she recounted the events to Officer Jordan. Clarke allowed time for him to write down everything she had said so far before continuing, and in doing so, her eyes looked up and met those of Lexa’s. Each of them held their gaze for only a moment. Then, Clarke’s features softened letting a gracious smile take hold, giving Lexa a silent ‘Thank You’ from across the way. Lexa smiled right back, nodding her ‘You’re Welcome’ response and continued making her way to her car.

-

Bellamy scanned through the massive crowd that had formed outside the hospital. It seemed like civilians were multiplying with each passing second. Bellamy couldn’t stand when a mass of random people assembled behind the caution tape at any crime scene. More times than not, they would harass and berate the officers while they tried to do their jobs, screaming at them that they were abusing their power, in spite of the fact that they didn’t possess full knowledge of the situation. He chose not to let his irritation get the better of him right now and resume looking for his sister.

“Bellamy!!! Bellamy!!!” He couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from, but he could recognize that voice anywhere.

“O?!” Bellamy yelled back, looking all around himself when suddenly he was bombarded with his sister’s small form thrown against him and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck nearly suffocating him. The two of them went through this charade every time his work involved him in serious situations such as these, which was far too often.

“I was out on a call when I heard about what was going on.” Octavia began, finally releasing him yet maintaining her hold on his forearms, somewhat afraid to let him go. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Some guy brought a gun and grabbed Clarke.” He told her casually as if it were no big deal.

“A gun? Is Clarke okay?”

“She’s fine too.” Bellamy said. “She’s over there with her mom and sister.”

Octavia let out a sigh of relief, both for her and her EMT partner Raven. “Oh good.” When they heard St. Joseph’s Hospital was put on lockdown for a code red situation, Raven jumped behind the wheel of their ambulance, turned on the sirens and drove like a bat out of hell across the city fearing the lives of her mother and sister. “What about Lincoln? Where is he?” Octavia asked looking around again for her boyfriend of four years.

Right on cue, Lincoln came up behind them. “Octavia!”

“Lincoln.” She said letting go of her brother and pulling her man in for an embrace. “Thank god.” As they broke apart, they kissed, eliciting a usual eye-roll from Bellamy. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. We’re all alright.” Lincoln said. “But we need to get back to the precinct to deal with IAB. You should go check on Clarke and Raven.”

“IAB?” Octavia knew all too well what it meant to have to deal with the Internal Affairs Bureau. Given that both her brother and boyfriend were detectives & members of a police unit that was notoriously known for running head-on into the center of corruption and criminality, crossing paths with IAB was the main occupational hazard. They were the section of the metropolis’ law enforcement that investigated any, and all incidents involving officers.

“It’ll be fine.” Lincoln told her calmly. “It was a clean shoot & I didn’t even fire my weapon. We all just have to make a statement.” He hated to rush away from her after a situation like this, but he needed to get back to the precinct and deal with it all, as did Bellamy. “I’ll see you tonight at Polis after shift okay? I love you.” He gave her one last quick peck on the cheek, looking her in the eye as he pulled away and turned to leave to meet back up with Wick.

“Okay, I love you too. Call me when you’re done with IAB!!” She screamed after him.

“I will!” Lincoln yelled back before hopping into his and Wick’s unmarked car. Octavia turned back to her brother.

“I gotta head back too. But He was right, you should probably go check on Clarke & Raven, it’s been a pretty emotional day for them.”

Octavia nodded keeping her eyes locked on him, trying to read her big brother the way she always could. She could see, even by a simple glance that whatever happened in there affected him. He could try to hide it all he wanted to, but never with her. “You good?” she asked him pointlessly. Before turning to leave he nodded his head and gave a minor, unconvincing smile.

* * *

 

**26 th Precinct – Intelligence Floor**

-

It took several minutes, but eventually Lexa and Bellamy were able to get a pathway cleared for them to drive their car out of the crime scene with the help of their friends in uniform, Officers Jasper Jordan and Zoe Monroe. They always got instantaneous respect from patrol cops, especially those that aspired, more than anything, to get the chance to prove themselves worthy of joining their acclaimed team.

When they reached the 26th precinct, Lexa, Bellamy, Lincoln & Wick were inundated with accolades from their fellow officers over the day’s events. Graciously accepting all of the ‘Good Jobs’ & ‘Nice Works’, they headed upstairs to their own private floor where the Intelligence Unit worked out of. Once they reached their home away from home, they were met by the remaining two detectives on their team, Gina Martin & Nate Miller.

“Hey,” Gina greeted. “Heard about what went down at St. Jo’s. You guys good?”

“Oh we’re just peachy.” Bellamy said with sarcasm flooding his tone.

Miller folded his arms, leaning back against his desk. “I still can’t believe Atom Ward went all John Q…and _we_ missed it!”

“Consider yourselves lucky you did.” Said Wick. “It was more, depressing than exhilarating.”

Gina shook her head. “So Chloe Cooke is dead, while the psycho who kidnapped her, drugged her and raped her is alive & kicking.” More than anything she hated when bad things happened to innocent people, and those who caused harm were able to just walk away.

“Oh,” Lincoln said with a sly, devilish smile, “he’ll have to do a whole lot more than kickin’ when he gets to Stateville Correctional. Trust me.”

“What’d you do?” Gina asked, giving Lincoln a puzzling look.

“I got a prison guard buddy out in Crest Hill. Asked him to make sure every C.O. _and_ inmate knows exactly why he got his ass locked up.”

Miller flashed his biggest smile thinking about how fiercely karma would strike. “Nice!”

-

Lexa sat quietly at her desk, hardly listening to the usual rowdy banter that went on in the bullpen. Any other day, she would join in on the chitchat and teasing with the rest of her team, but her mind kept playing over the events from the hospital. Turning on her desktop computer, Lexa clicked open a document to begin filling out an incident report, figuring that she should get all the info written out while it was still fresh on her mind.

Bellamy looked across the room at his partner, noticing her staring blankly at her computer screen. He glanced over to Lincoln who had seen the same thing. Bellamy gave him a slight nod as a signal and the two of them made their way to the brunette detective’s desk.

“Hey.” Bellamy greeted leaving his voice barely above a whisper so the prying ears of the other three team members wouldn’t catch wind of their conversation.

“What’s up?” Lexa responded, not even bothering to look up from her computer since she had finally found the mental capacity to recount, in detail, everything that had happened at the hospital earlier in the day and had begun to type.

Lincoln folded his arms over his chest, a defense tactic since they were getting ready to broach a very sensitive subject. “We wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m good guys. It’s not like it’s the first kill on my record.”

Having been her partners for almost four years, Bellamy knew pretty well about how to navigate difficult conversations with her. “That’s good, but we were talking about Costia.” Lexa stopped typing hearing that name from another person’s voice. “That’s the first time you’ve talked about her since she died.” He took a second to read her facial expression, but Lexa Carey was a pro at masking her emotions “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She said lightheartedly, still not meeting either of their eyes.

“C’mon, Lex…” Lincoln nudged. “You know you can talk to us.” Bellamy may have been her partner for the last few years, but Lincoln had been her closest friend for far longer. The two of them were among the few people in the world bold enough to press her.

Lexa was well aware of how much her friends and coworkers cared for her. They were like her second family, but regardless, she never wanted to speak about her late girlfriend again. “I know.” She said getting up and grabbing her favorite mug. “But, seriously, guys…I’m fine.” With that, Lexa headed to the breakroom to grab some coffee, needing some temporary distance from the two.

Bellamy and Lincoln watched after her. “How many times after Costia’s murder did she say she was fine?”

Lincoln shook his head. “Too many times to actually mean it. What do you want to do?”

“Leave her alone for now,” Bellamy said not knowing what else to do at the moment, “but we’ll keep an eye on her. I’ll try to talk to her again at Polis tonight.”

“Alright.” The two detectives broke away and went back to their respective desks. Just then, Sgt. Byrne walked up the stairs to their floor with Precinct Captain Indra Porter & Internal Affairs Lieutenant Shumway in tow.

“Detectives!” Sgt. Byrne announced to get everyone’s attention. All the detectives stopped what they were doing and stood up respectfully.

Bellamy, being the closest to the three was the one to address them. “Sergeant. Captain.” He said nodding to each of them.

Indra silently acknowledged Bellamy’s greeting, then stepped aside to introduce the Internal Affairs investigator. “Detectives. This is Lieutenant Shumway with IAB. He will be conducting the investigation on the hospital shooting. All four of you will be interviewed separately.”

Once Shumway began to speak, Lexa emerged from the breakroom. “This investigation will be pretty straight forward. Preliminary examination of the crime scene along with footage from the security cameras & eye witness accounts make this an open-and-shut case. I just need to get official statements from the four of you that were there before I can submit my official ruling. Not to get ahead of myself, but I gotta say, this seems pretty clean to me. First up is…. Detective Carey.”

-

The interviews weren’t as grueling as they had usually been. More times than not, the investigator assigned to their case would hound each of them as if they had done something wrong, but Shumway was different. All he asked was that they give their account of what went down at the hospital in detail, and if something didn’t make sense to him, he would ask the occasional question. It was refreshing to them.

It took Lieutenant Shumway an hour to get all the information he needed. With all the detectives cooperating fully, it made his job a hell of a lot easier to do. Once he collected his things, he addressed the team one more time before leaving. “Okay, well. I have everything I need. Like I said open and shut case. It was a clean shooting, no doubt about that. Just make sure to file your guys’ reports by Monday.” Shumway turned to leave, but stopped before reaching the stairs and faced the rest of the squad. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about the Intelligence Unit. Your reputation precedes you. Keep up the good work detectives.” Then, he descended the stairs and left.

The detectives finally felt like they could relax, but for two of them, that feeling only lasted for a minute. “Wick, Carey,” came Sgt. Byrne’s demanding voice. “…My office.” Wick and Lexa shared a look before walking cautiously into their Sergeants office.

Byrne closed the door behind them and motioned with her hand for them to sit, then took her place at her desk with Indra standing quietly behind her, arms clasped behind her back. “I just wanted to tell you both that you did good today. I know taking a life is never the preferred route, especially in instances just like this. But regardless, you both fired your weapons and a life was lost as a result.”

“Serge…” Wick said leaning forward in his chair, looking back and forth between his boss and an equally perplexed Lexa. “You’re not placing us on leave are you?”

“No. Captain Porter agreed with me that mandatory leave is not needed, however, given the circumstances, you will be placed on desk duty until you have completed the department required psych eval & the doctor has cleared you to return to active status.”

Lexa nodded her head, trying with all her might to suppress a smile of relief. While she hated having to sit out on cases, whether at home or stuck in the precinct, desk duty was the lesser of two evils, so Lexa was happy to oblige. “Understood.”

“Good. You’re dismissed.” Both detectives stood to leave.

“Detective Carey.” The Captain called out. “Hang back a minute.” Wick glanced back one last time as he exited the office. “Sergeant Byrne, may we have the room?” Indra asked.

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa sat back down in the chair she was just occupying. Both she and Indra waited for Byrne to leave and close the door before continuing their conversation.

“I read the reports about what happened. How you holding up?”

Lexa leaned back sloppily in the chair. “Wasn’t my first, won’t be my last. Kind of tragic though.” She averted her gaze and started fidgeting with her hands. Everyone else in the precinct had cause to be nervous around a superior officer, especially when it was Indra. They looked to her and saw an intense and driven leader. All Lexa saw, was her protective and supportive godmother that had been there for her all her life.

“I bet it brought up a lot of past feelings.” Lexa knew exactly where this conversation was headed. “I heard you’re the one who got him to let Dr. Griffin go. How’d you manage that?”

She waited a moment before answering, taking the time to choose her words carefully so they couldn’t be used against her. “I was able to relate to what he was going through.”

Indra sat down in Byrne’s desk chair, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the desk. “Costia?” A sharp pain went through Lexa’s throat. Hearing her name still hurt, even after all this time. She pursed her lips, keeping her eyes on her hands. “You told him about her?” Lexa nodded. “She’d be proud of you. Same way I’m proud of you. You’re a great cop, Lexa. Much better than your father ever was.”

Amidst all the pain, Lexa felt a subtle wave of pride wash over her hearing that. She never tried to be the cop her father had been, her entire career she dedicated herself to being the best _she_ could be. Though, every so often, it was nice to be told of how she surpassed a legend. Seeing her relax a bit, Indra continued. 

“I know you’ve never been the ‘share your feelings type’, so I won’t push you, but it goes without saying that I’m here for whatever you need. This psych eval might be a good time to get some things out that you’ve been holding onto.” Indra studied the face of her goddaughter, who still wouldn’t meet her gaze. She had the passive look down to a science at this point. Indra, wanting to keep true to her word, decided not to push the issue. “Also, if you need to take a few days off, all you have to do is say the word.”

“No thanks. I’m fine.” Lexa chided quickly.

Indra nodded to herself, amused at the young woman before her that she had watched grow up. “Yeah. That’s what I thought you’d say.” She leaned back in the chair, distancing herself from the detective in preparation for her reaction to the next sentence. “You should expect a call from your sister.”

Those words were enough to snap Lexa’s eyes up. “You told Anya?” she said not bothering to hide or hold back the irritation in her tone.

“I promised her I would keep her apprised where you were concerned." 

Lexa rolled her eyes and stood up like an unruly teen that got called into the principal’s office. “Great. Now I get to sit through a lecture…can I go now?”

“You’re dismissed.”

“Thank You.” Lexa stood up and left the Sergeant’s office to head back to her desk. She could only imagine the hell that was to come in the form of her older sister calling her up to try and convince her to go into a less dangerous line of work. Since the day Lexa told Anya that she wanted to be a cop, Anya had been supportive, but incredibly weary of the hazards of the occupation.

* * *

**Polis – That Night**

-

Polis was a popular bar among the cops at the 26th precinct. Nearly every night after shift it was packed with officers, detectives and even firefighters from the nearby station. The atmosphere was always relaxing and care free. It was a safe haven for first-responders. A place to go at day’s end to forget about all the violence and cruelty they had to deal with on a regular basis.

The Intelligence team had their own area in the back corner of the bar that consisted of a few tables. Whenever they set foot in the establishment, whoever was dumb enough to sit in their spot, had at least enough sense to get up and make way for the group immediately.

All six detectives took their usual table in the back corner of the bar. They were joined by a few of the uniformed officers that occasionally assist them, Jasper Jordan & Zoe Monroe, as well as Monty Green from TARU. He was the tech genius who provided them with undetectable wires, hidden cameras, GPS trackers and all manners of electronic items they use to do their jobs. They owed a lot to Monty and considered him a big part of their team.

Bellamy downed what was left of his drink and looked around the table at the people he worked with every day. They weren’t just his co-workers or his friends, they were his family. Aside from his little sister, this group before him was all he had, and he was damn proud of that fact. Glancing at each occupant at the table, Bellamy noticed that they were missing a member. Scanning the room, he found his partner sitting all alone on a stool at the bar, nursing a beer with her back to everyone. He got up quietly and made his way to her. The rest of their group were all too immersed in the conversation to even notice.

“Why are you isolating yourself over here and not hanging out with your team?” Bellamy asked as he came up behind her, taking the seat to her right.

Lexa set her beer down. “I’m not isolating myself. I can’t see the screen from over there and the Yankees are playing.” It was mostly true. Polis only had a few television screens, most of which were always tuned in to hockey games. Lexa, fortunately, was good friends with Wells, one of the four firefighters who owned the bar. Whenever the Yankees played, he always had at least one of the flat screens queued up to stream the game.

“Don’t say that so loud.” Bellamy said to her quietly. He liked to joke with her about the fact that she was a fan of the New York team while living in Chicago. “Remember where you are, weirdo. This isn’t New York.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, amused. “Whatever.” She turned her eyes back up to the screen as Jacoby Ellsbury took the plate. She gave the game her full attention, not even noticing her partner studying her to gage where her head was at after the events of the day.

Bellamy decided to take advantage of the fact that they were alone. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened today and I promise that after this, I’ll leave it alone, but… I know what you went through after what happened to Costia.” Lexa kept her eyes trained to the TV, though her face fell slightly hearing that name for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me. I’m your partner, which means that all day, every day, I am right there next to you. So, when you go through all the crap that goes along with wearing a badge for a living, I get it. There is nothing you can’t tell me. And you don’t have to bury things. That’s a sure fire way to wind up on the path that ends with you eating a bullet. Nobody wants that for you.”

Lexa lowered her head, looking down at her beer. “I appreciate it Bel. I really do. But, seriously I’m fine. I don’t like to bring it up because, honestly, it’s easier to forget about it.” She looked up at him. Seeing the worried puppy look expression that he rarely ever presented, she decided to put his mind at ease. “But if I ever do feel the need to talk…the first place I’m going is to my awesome partner.”

Part of him knew she was only saying it for his benefit, but he had made her a promise. “Okay.” He said with a feigned smile.

“Alright.” Lexa said, taking another pull from her beer, then focusing back on the game.

“Seriously though, you should come sit with the rest of us, not over here by yourself.”

“I’ll be over there in a little bit. Let me just finish watching the game.” Bellamy gave her a look that he intended to make her feel guilty if she even thought about lying to him, and it worked. “It’s the last inning!” Lexa said defensively.

Bellamy shook his head as he rose to leave, pretending to be disappointed. “You and your damn Yankees…” Lexa rolled her eyes at her partner, laughed & took another sip of her beer. Looking back up at the TV, she was just in time to see Carlos Beltran hit a two-run homer out to left field.

-

Clarke had never been to Polis before, but heard good things from Octavia. As the sisters entered the bar, they stopped in the doorway. Raven had been there only a handful of times with Octavia, but this was Clarke’s first time there. She looked around, taking in everything, observing the environment. As her eyes fell to the bar, she saw her reason for being there in the first place. Recognizing the detective who had managed to convince Atom Ward to let her go, Clarke found herself completely grateful that she was by herself and not at the table with the rest of the squad. Turning to her sister, Clarke pointed towards Lexa, letting Raven know that she was going to join her. The sisters parted ways as Raven headed over to meet Octavia and the others.

Clarke approached Lexa, observing how focused she was on the screen above her. She looked so at ease that Clarke began to feel bad at interrupting what was probably her only chance to unwind and relax.

“Hi.” Clarke said as normal as she could, though she was incredibly nervous.

The brunette was in the middle of sipping her beer when the doctor had caught her off guard. “Hi.” Lexa said taken aback.

“It’s Detective Carey right?” 

“… oh you can just call me Lexa.”

“Lexa.” She repeated, smiling at the name. It worked for her. “I’m Clarke…I hope I’m not bothering you, but Octavia told me that I might be able to find you here tonight.” 

Lexa couldn’t help but admire how wonderfully blue the blonde’s eyes were. “Oh it’s…It’s no bother. You can have a seat if you want.” Clarke set her purse down on the counter and took a seat on the stool to Lexa’s left. The detective took the opportunity to take a quick scan of her from head to toe, to assess. It was a habit. She mentally noted the light bruising on the blonde’s left temple from the gun being pressed aggressively to her head as well as a bit of dissipating puffiness under her eyes, a sign that she had been crying earlier. “I was actually going to come by the hospital in a few days to check on you. See how you were doing.”

“I appreciate that.” 

“So, how _are_ you doing? I mean, going through what you went through today can be pretty traumatic for most people.” 

“I’m actually pretty fine with it.” Clarke said with a shrug. “Believe it or not I’ve been in many nerve-wracking situations before this.”

“Well, I have no problem believing that.”

Clarke gave her a confused look. “You don’t?”

“No. For two reasons.” Lexa began. “One, you work in the ER at one of the largest hospitals in the city so I can only imagine the caliber of crazies you deal with on a daily basis. And two, the guy had a gun pressed to your temple for several minutes, yet you never once screamed, cried or even tried to wiggle free. You were eerily calm the whole time.”

Clarke brought her elbow up to rest on the counter and used her hand to cover her face with embarrassment. “Oh my god. You’re probably thinking I’m some kind of a psycho now, aren’t you?”

The two shared a quick laugh, Lexa’s first for the day. “No, not at all, actually…” Lexa replied in between chuckles trying to ease her mind. “I just…I-I’m curious.”

“Well, when you grow up with an over-protective cop for a dad, you learn how to handle yourself in various kinds of situations. While most kids were learning to dance, or getting excited for science camp, my sister & I were being taught how to evade captors or fight off burglars.”

“Your dad’s a cop?” Lexa asked intrigued.

“Mmhm.”

“Would I know him?” Lexa blindly grabbed her beer and prepared to take another sip.

“You might.” Clarke responded with reluctance in her tone.  “His name is Marcus Kane.” 

Lexa froze and went wide-eyed with her drink sitting midair, inches away from her lips. “I’m sorry…what?” she set the bottle back down. “Marcus Kane…the Superintendent of Police is your dad?”

Clarke winced wishing she hadn’t told her that. “Technically he’s my step-dad, but yeah.”

“Wow.” Was all Lexa could let out taking another drink.

Clarke watched the brunette as she tried to hold back a laugh at her reaction. “I totally just freaked you out didn’t I?”

“Not completely, no.” The detective answered shaking her head. “But I am…. _definitely_ going to be needing another beer.” She downed what was left in her bottle, then looked up and down the bar for a server to flag down.

Clarke reached into her purse. “Let me buy that for you.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay. You don’t have to.” 

“It’s the least I can do.” Clarke said meeting Lexa’s eyes, feeling her breath hitch when she took notice at their beautiful shade of green. “I’m not really sure exactly, how I can properly thank you for saving my life, but I think buying you a beer is a good start.”

They held their gaze for a moment longer, each feeling a sense of serenity with the other that neither of them had felt before. Lexa gulped at nothing “Well, when you put it that way, I can’t really argue.” 

Clarke broke away first seeing one of the bartenders back behind the counter. She flagged him down to call him over. “Excuse me. Can we get another beer for my friend here? And I’ll have a Belvedere on the rocks with 3 limes, please.” She was impressed by how quickly they were served. Within a minute, both their drinks were set in front of them, and Clarke handed the bartender a twenty. “Thanks.” She turned back to Lexa. “So how long have you been a cop?”

“Eight years.” She replied. “The second I turned 18 I applied for the academy.”

“Wow.” Clarke said fascinated. “And now you’re a detective in Intelligence. That’s impressive.”

“Thank You.”

“You must have always known you wanted to be a cop, then.”

“Kind of. My dad was a cop too. I guess you can say it was genetic.”

“It was in your blood.”

Lexa turned in her stool to face her completely. With each second that passed by, she was becoming more and more comfortable with her. “Can’t the same be said about you? I mean your mother is the Chief Administrator of the hospital and your sister is an EMT. Seems like the medical field was a family thing with you guys.”

“It kind of is.” Clarke’s tone was flooded with melancholy which didn’t go unnoticed by the detective.

“Was there something else you would have rather done?” 

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, Clarke opted to divulge something she didn’t tell a lot of people. “There was a time…for a while…I kind of wanted to be an artist.”

“Really?” Lexa asked fascinated. 

The genuine excitement and interest in her voice provided Clarke with a touch of relief. She was always a bit troubled telling people her true passion, fearing the usual criticism at the lack of stability that kind of career would bring. “Yeah, it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not. That’s not stupid at all.” Lexa said encouragingly. She took a drink of her beer. “What style of art do you prefer?”

Clarke was dumbfounded by the question. Never in all her life had anyone asked her that, aside from her parents. It was refreshing and surprising at the same time. “…uhmm…."

Lexa became aware of the state of speechlessness she had sent her into and chose to rally for her benefit. “Personally, I’m a fan of abstract expressionism, conceptual art, even a bit of neo-classism.”

At that, the blonde got a wave of newfound confidence. “I mainly work with Impressionism & Realism, but I’m into all styles, really.” That sentence was the spark that ignited the rest of the night’s conversation. It started with art and artists, then switched to the places they hoped to travel and all other subjects of trivial chit-chat that kept the exchange going.

* * *

 

**An hour & a half later…**

 -

Clarke and Lexa were so immersed in their conversation that a part of them forgot they weren’t alone. Neither of them could recall the last time they ever had a talk that deep with someone. Eventually, they were snapped back into reality when they heard Clarke’s name being called out from across the bar.

“Clarke!” They looked over in the direction it was coming from and found Raven making her way to the exit. Using her head, she motioned to her sister that she was ready to leave.

Clarke turned back to face Lexa, putting her hand on her purse, “I should go. I need to be back at the hospital in the morning.”

“Really?” Lexa asked her shocked. “I would think having a guy hold a gun to your head in the middle of the ICU was enough to warrant at least one personal day.”

“Well, I have some patients I need to check on _and_ the administrative board called a meeting, so I won’t be there more than a few hours, but like I said, I’m okay.”

Lexa studied her face, wanting to be certain she was telling the truth. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” She said enthusiastically as she got up and collected her things. “Thank you again so much for saving my life.”

Lexa smiled at her. “You’re welcome.” What happened next kind of surprised her. Clarke stood before her and held out her hand, ready to shake before they parted ways.

“May we meet again.” She offered alluringly, waiting for the brunette to catch on.

It took a few seconds, but Lexa soon brought her hand up to meet hers and once they touched, both could feel the electricity that coursed through each of their hands and spread through them to the core. “Yeah.” Once they let go, hesitantly, Clarke went to meet her sister and leave.

Lexa realized that she was staring after her. There was something about her that was captivating and authentic. Clarke had only been out of her eyesight for a second, and already Lexa was wondering when she would see her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again let me know what you guys think. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can. Thanks for reading.


	3. You've Opened Up My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa & Wick receive a surprising off they can't refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 3. Let me know what you think.

\--

**Precinct – Two days later**

-

The ambience on the Intelligence floor was more laid-back than normal. The detectives didn’t have any open cases at the moment, so they were filling out their reports for past cases, mainly, the Fisher abduction and the consequent hospital shooting. None of them enjoyed the paperwork portion of their job, but they had managed to find ways of making it bearable. All six of them sat at their desks, eyes constantly switching between file pages and the screens of their computers. On days like this, there was a game they would play, in which one of them would call out a random type of food, and the others would voice their opinion about where in the city served the most satisfying.

“Cheeseburgers!” came the voice of Miller from behind his desk, never bothering to look up from the case notes he was glossing over.

Lincoln popped his head up from behind his monitor like a prairie dog. “Reggie’s on South State Street.” He said with a little too much eagerness in his voice.

This caused Lexa to redirect her attention. “You’re kidding, right? You want the best burger in this city, go to ‘Parts & Labor’ on North Milwaukee.”

“You’re both wrong.” Bellamy interjected. “Nick’s on North. Humboldt Park. Hands down.”

“Agreed.” Gina chimed in from across the room. “How ‘bout you Wick?”

“I don’t know. ‘Five Guy’s’ has some good burgers I guess.” Wick was hardly paying attention, so it took him a minute to notice that his statement had prompted the rest of his teammates stop what they were doing and look at him as if he were some strange alien race. Finding it odd that the room suddenly fell silent, Wick looked up to see five pairs of eyes all trained at him. “What?” he asked nervously 

The five of them soon erupted into a fit of laughter they could not contain. Lexa was nearly in tears as it dawned on her that she hadn’t laughed that hard in a few weeks. It was an invigorating release that she was in desperate need of. Slouching back in her chair, eyes closed, Lexa took a moment to revel in the sounds of her home away from home. This precinct was where she spent a majority of her time. Every man and woman that walked through those doors wearing a badge was a member of her family, whether she knew them on a personal level or not. That’s what her father had taught her, anyway.

Titus Carey had once been a well-respected police officer, who worked out of the 26th precinct. Since Lexa could walk and talk, he taught her everything it meant to be a cop. He showed her how to handle herself in certain situations, trained her to have ‘cop eyes’ and be subtly aware of her surroundings, on guard at all times. She learned a lot from her father. If she focused enough, she could still remember some of the good times she had shared with him, before life took an unpleasant turn and sent her on road that ended with her being basically orphaned.

“Detectives!” Lexa’s eyes snapped open as she and the rest of her squad jumped to their feet hearing the authoritative voice. Glancing towards the source of the voice, they looked over to see Captain Porter, and she wasn’t alone. Standing directly beside her was Superintendent Marcus Kane. None of the detectives had ever personally met the man, but they’ve heard stories about him. How he was tough but fair and treated every officer with respect.

Kane did a quick once over of the bullpen, glancing over each of them individually. He raised a hand to them innocently. “As you were, Detectives.” Everyone relaxed as best as they could, but found it difficult. Indra led Kane across the room towards Byrne’s office. She must have been expecting them, because before they were even halfway, the Sergeant opened her door and stepped outside to greet them. Byrne stepped aside to allow the Captain & Superintendent to enter. As they walked passed her, she turned to the bullpen to address her team.

“Wick, Carey. Join us.” She said before heading back in to join her superiors.

Wick & Lexa shared a look from opposite sides of the room, then each met the eyes of their partners before hesitantly making their way to their Sergeants office to meet with them.

Once they entered Byrne’s office, closing the door behind them, neither Wick or Lexa sat down. In the presence of three commanding officers, one of them being the Superintendent, both detectives stood up straight, at attention. Arms clasped together behind their backs and feet shoulder-width apart.

Indra was the first to speak. “Superintendent Kane, Detective’s Kyle Wick & Lexa Carey.”

“You can both relax.” Kane spoke. “I’m not here on official business.” The most either of them could muster was shifting their arms to the front of them clutched together and resting on the front of their waist.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” Wick offered while Lexa nodded in agreement. She was a little too nervous to speak.

Kane stepped forward. “Trust me when I say the pleasure is all mine, to meet the two Detectives who saved my daughter’s life.” He stopped just before them and held out his hand. “I wanted to come by and thank you both myself & shake your hands as I did so.” 

As Lexa felt his grasp, she suddenly remembered Clarke telling her of her step-father’s title the other night at the bar. Though, she was definitely not expecting him to show up to offer his thanks. “We were just doing our job, sir.” 

“And because of that, I am all the more grateful. I’m also here to personally invite the two of you to dinner at our house tomorrow night.”

“Oh. Wow.” Wick blurted glancing down at Lexa. 

“Uhm…That’s very gracious of you, sir, really it is but it’s not necessary.” 

“Look, I can only imagine how daunting it is to share a meal with a superior officer,” Kane began. “but I’m afraid I have to insist…on my wife’s behalf, of course. As appreciative as I am, she feels indebted to you and has been planning a five-course meal for the last two days to show her thanks. Please don’t force me to suffer her wrath by telling her you respectfully decline.” 

The two detectives looked at each other with guilt while Indra curled her lips inward in an attempt to suppress a chuckle. 

“We’d love to.” Wick decided for both of them. 

Lexa soon agreed. “Yes, sir.” 

“Great!” It was surprising seeing a man of such importance in their field smile as innocently as a child at Christmas. 

Indra spoke up from behind the desk. “You’re both dismissed.” 

The two nodded their heads respectively to each of the three superiors before heading out of the office and back to the bullpen. Lexa didn’t know what to think of what had just happened. She closed the door behind her softly and returned to her desk, shrugging when Bellamy looked at her inquisitively.

Kane stared through the blinds of the window from Byrne’s office that overlooked the bullpen. His eyes focused on the brunette detective and the way she carried herself, noting that there was something familiar about her. “Lexa Carey….” He said pensively turning to Indra. “Any relation to Titus Carey? Your old partner?”

“His youngest daughter.” Indra replied. “My goddaughter.”

“She’s one of my best.” Byrne chimed in from behind her desk.

“I don’t doubt it.” Kane turned back towards the window watching Lexa. “Can you get me a copy of her file?”

“I keep a copy of all files for the detectives on my unit in my file cabinet.” Byrne got up and retrieved Lexa’s police record and related files from the file cabinet on the other side of the room and presented them to Kane.

“Thank you Sergeant.”

“Anytime, sir.”

* * *

 

**Lexa’s Apartment – The next day**

 -

Lexa had never been so stressed out in her life, not even before getting ready to storm a bank being held up by six assailants armed to the teeth. But tonight, her nerves were working on overdrive. She had been spending most of the late afternoon rifling through her closet trying to decide what to wear to the most terrifying dinner she would ever be invited to.

“How about this? Is this okay?” The brunette asked stepping out of her walk-in closet and standing before her friend and coworker Gina to get her opinion.

Gina looked her up and down, scrunching her face. “You sure about that top?” She asked. Half of her tone was laced with genuine concern, but the other half was mild derision as she was finding herself amused at the usually stoic woman’s battle with her insecurity.

Lexa looked down at her outfit. “Seriously? This is ridiculous!” She huffed taking off her blouse and venturing back into the closet.

Gina threw her head back and laughed from her place on Lexa’s bed. “Would you relax?”

At this point, Lexa was beyond exasperated. “Well, what exactly am I supposed to wear when the Superintendent of Police and the Chief Administrator of one of the largest hospitals in the city personally invite you to dinner to thank you for saving their daughter from being shot by a gun-toting psycho grieving the tragic loss of his girlfriend?”

“Okay…If I were anybody else, I don’t think I would have been able to follow that.”

“That’s because I’m kind nervous, and sometimes when I get nervous, I tend to ramble and talk impossibly fast for anyone to be able to understand me.”

Gina stood up. “You need to relax and focus on the positive here.”

“What positive?” Lexa asked confused.

“The Superintendent of Police went down to the precinct to personally invite you to dinner at his house so he can thank you for saving his daughter’s life. You get through this and this guy will owe you…big! You’ll have your pick of assignments and promotions for the rest of your career. By this time next year, you could be running the whole precinct.” Gina could hardly contain her enthusiasm at the prospect. Out of all of the members of their team that she had come to view as her family, Lexa was the one everyone knew for sure would rise through the ranks effortlessly.

“Why? So I can rot away behind a desk while you, Bellamy, Lincoln and the others can have all the fun of running into the line of fire where all the action and excitement is.”

Gina laughed. “It’s sad that in that sentence, you use the word fun where most normal people would say scary, stressful, terrifying or D, all of the above.”

“You know me. I can’t be tied down in a chair all day pushing papers. I need to be in the field, taking people down, locking up bad guys and all that.”

“I hear you. It’s just that we may all jokingly call you the ‘Commander’, but honestly, that’s where we all see you one day. You’re the leader, you’re the one we all look to. I truly believe that ten/twenty years from now, you’ll be the Commander of the 26th precinct.”

Lexa thought the idea over for a moment. She had never really thought about exactly how far she expected her career to go. Her entire life, she only focused on the now. Getting her hopes up about anything always led to disappointment. “I don’t know.” She said shaking her head.

* * *

 

**Kane Residence – Norridge**

**-**

When she first got the address, Lexa immediately recognized that the neighborhood was upscale, but once she pulled up to the house, she was blown away. It was a pretty sizeable two story house that was classier than anything she had ever personally seen. “Shit.” Lexa breathed out, putting her car in park and turning the ignition off. A pair of headlights coming up behind her was able to pull her attention from the unnerving thoughts she was having about what was to come of the night.

Wick turned off his lights and hopped out of his truck causing Lexa to do the same. “Damn.” Wick said. “Nice digs.”

“Right?” added Lexa.

“Who knew being Brass paid so well?”

Lexa shrugged waiting for her fellow detective to throw on his jacket and lock his precious car. “Uh, I think the Mrs. is the breadwinner in this particular situation. She _is_ the Chief Administrator at St. Jo’s. I’ll bet that check comes with a few extra zeros at the end. Plus, I heard she’s, like, a world-renowned surgeon with all kinds of awards and recognition.”

“What, did you study up on the family all day?”

“We’re about to walk into the private residence of our boss’ boss’ boss’ boss. I may have looked into a bit of info on them.” Wick looked at her the same way he always did whenever she showed having overachieved on her recon assignments. “What? You know I like to be prepared.”

“That you do.” The two of them started walking across the street towards the house. With each step, Lexa grew more and more apprehensive. “So if you looked into them, what can you tell me about the oldest daughter? Raven.” Wick remembered her from outside the Hospital and made a point to strike up a conversation with her when she joined Octavia at their table at Polis the other night.

Lexa smiled and rolled her eyes, entertained by the potential hilarity to come when Wick would inevitably embarrass himself. “All I know is she’s an EMT and works with Bellamy’s sister. You wanna know more, you’re about to get a chance.”

Walking up the driveway, they both took notice of the flawless cherry red ’69 Camaro Convertible in the driveway. It had custom rims, black racing stripes over the top and an interesting decal on the driver side door. It was dark, but Lexa thought she was able to make out the outline to some kind of bird enclosed in a circle. “What I would love to learn more about is this Camaro.” Wick said with genuine delight. “Seriously…that that is gorgeous!!”

“Keep it in your pants Wick.”

“No promises, Lex.”

They approached the front steps and climbed them to land on the porch, Lexa taking the lead. Once they reached the door, though, she froze. Taking deep breath wasn’t helping. She turned back to Wick trying to hide the worry from her face, but not doing as well as she normally did. “There’s no reason this dinner should be anything other than enjoyable, right?”

Wick shrugged and nodded unconvincingly. “Exactly. We save their daughter from a guy who went postal and now they’re thanking us with a meal. It’s not like it’s a job interview or anything.” 

“Right.” Lexa said trying her hardest to believe it. She forced herself to relax as she turned back and raised her hand to ring the doorbell, hesitating while doing so. A couple of seconds went by but to Lexa, it felt like it was a few minutes. She was really hoping that nobody would answer, and she could get out of this on a technicality. She felt ridiculous for being nervous about being there. There were times in her career where she would be taking cover under heavy fire from crazy gangsters, and she never for a second felt uneasy.

Suddenly, the front door swung open, and the two were greeted by Kane wearing jeans and a dark grey pullover on top of his white collared shirt. It was more casual than either of them were expecting. They had never seen him out of his dress blues before and it was kind of surreal, as was his newfound bumbling personality.

“Lexa! Kyle!” He shouted in a way that kind of startled them. “Welcome. Come on in.” He stepped aside to allow them to enter and closed the door behind them. “Hope you didn’t have any trouble finding the place.”

“Not at all, sir.” Wick offered.

“Well, I’m glad the two of you could make it.” He turned his head around towards the hallway behind him. “ABBY?!” Down the hallway, the swinging door that led to the kitchen opened, and out walked Dr. Abigail Griffin-Kane, the Chief Administrator at St. Joseph’s Hospital. “Sweetheart, these are the detectives. Lexa Carey & Kyle Wick.”

Lexa wanted to make a good impression, so as Abby made her way towards the three, Lexa took a step forward with her hand extended. “Dr. Griffin. It’s an honor to meet y-.” She was abruptly cut off when Abby walked right up to her, without missing a beat, and wrapped her arms around her in a hug as if they had known each other for years. The detective was taken aback and at a complete loss for words.

As Abby finally pulled herself out of the embrace, she kept a firm hold on Lexa’s forearms, looking her squarely in the eyes with the biggest smile she had ever seen. “Lexa. The honor is absolutely mine, truly. And Kyle,” she let Lexa go and pulled Wick in for the same hearty hug. “I’m so excited to meet you. Both of you. And I’m so pleased you agreed to join us tonight.”

“We appreciate the invite. And all of my friends call me Wick.”

Abby was delighted by his remark. “Then, while we’re on the subject, just call me Abby & him Marcus. He’s not your boss tonight.” Abby turned towards the stairs and threw her head back, aiming her voice upward. “GIRLS! COME DOWN HERE PLEASE!”

Lexa & Wick then chose to look up and did so just in time to see Clarke & Raven descending the stairs. Lexa had been so preoccupied on how to survive having dinner with a superior officer she had only met once, that it didn’t even dawn on her that his daughters would be there. The four of them walked a few feet up the hall to meet them at the landing. Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off of Clarke as she descended the staircase. She looked absolutely stunning in her sleeveless white V-neck button down and black boots that stopped just below her knees of her jeans. Lexa realized she had been staring and quickly averted her gaze before it became obvious to everybody else, but after a few seconds was compelled to take another look.

Kane stepped forward to make the introductions. “Lexa, Wick. This is our daughter Raven.” Unlike his fellow detective, Wick didn’t care if he was staring & Raven didn’t seemed to mind much either. The sexual energy between them was damn near palpable. “And I’m sure the two of you remember Clarke.” Clarke gave Lexa sweet smile. That along with those crystal blue eyes, it was enough to make her knees weak.

“It’s great to see the two of you again.” Raven said breaking the short-lived silence. “Though Lexa, you and I never got the chance to actually meet the other night.”

Clarke jumped in before Lexa could say anything. “That might have been my fault. I asked her to let us talk one-on-one.” She let her eyes land on the pair of green ones staring back at her, and let them linger.

“So, you’ve all been acquainted?” Abby asked.

“Raven & I tracked them down at Polis the night after the shooting.” Clarke turned to Wick. “Speaking of…Wick I wanted to apologize. I realized that I thanked Lexa, but I never took the chance to stay thanks to you too. I’m sorry about that.”

Wick waved her off politely. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t take offense.” That much was true. It hadn’t even crossed his mind once.

“Actually, I already thanked him for you.” Raven added turning back to Wick to give him a sly and flirtatious look.

“Well we’re all more than grateful for the both of you. Without your heroics, I can’t even imagine what would have happened to our daughter. I will be forever thankful.” Abby tried her hardest not to get emotional, but every time she thought about the close call her youngest almost had, she couldn’t help but get choked up.

“You have a brave daughter.” Wick offered. “And, really, all we did was what we were trained to do.”

Abby nodded as if she were expecting him to say that very thing. “Marcus warned me you two were very modest. We’ll see how long that’ll last when the night is through.” She looked around to the people standing before her. “How about we all move this over to the dining room? Dinner is about to be served.”

Abby led the way down the hall to the dining room. Behind her, Kane stepped in between the two detectives and placed each hand on their shoulder. “I promise this won’t be that bad.” He told them in an effort to ease the tenseness they both were exhibiting.

-

“So what prompted the two of you to get into law enforcement?” Abby asked Wick and Lexa in between bites of the Chicken Tagine. Kane wasn’t exaggerating when he told them how long Abby spent planning this meal.

Wick was the first to answer, proud as he always was when someone asked him that question. “Honestly…I watched way too much ’21 Jump Street’ as a kid. Growing up, it was my dream to be just like Tom Hanson." 

“Oh, come on.” Kane interjected amusedly. “Johnny Depp is so the obvious choice. If you ask me, Booker was the true badass.”

Wick leaned toward Kane’s direction. “Yeah, but don’t you think Richard Greico is just a little over-rated?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Goodness gracious.” Abby said chuckling at the two. “And Lexa, what about you? Please tell me you didn’t fall victim to the cheesy cop dramas.”

“No. My dad was a cop. I knew I wanted to be one for as long as I can remember.”

“That’s amazing. You knew what you wanted and went for it. Your parents must be so proud. _And_ you’re a legacy.” Abby took a sip of her iced tea.  “So is your father still a cop or has he retired?”

Lexa froze. She didn’t really know how to answer. There weren’t that many people who knew the full story about what had happened with her father. “Uhmm…..”

Wick knew well enough that this was a particular topic of discussion that she refrained from speaking about, so he came to the rescue. “So Superintendent,” Marcus looked at Wick, holding a finger up to silently correct him. “…Sorry. Marcus. Please tell that gorgeous thing I saw parked in the driveway belongs to you.” Lexa kept her gaze averted, taking a moment to mentally collect herself. She hoped the distraction had gone unnoticed by everyone, but it hadn’t.

Kane shook his head as he brought his napkin up and wiped his mouth, allowing him time to finish swallowing before talking. “Unfortunately, no.” He responded subtly motioning to Raven.

Wick followed the direction he was pointing and was met with the proud nod of Raven. “That baby is all mine.” She bragged.

“You’re serious?”

“Oh yeah. My dad bought it a while back for the two of us to fix up together.”

“I had no idea you were a grease monkey.” Wick was beyond amazed at this girl now. “How did that topic not come up in our entire conversation the other night?”

“You’re a gearhead too?” Raven asked leaning forward in her chair, intrigue spilling from her voice.

“Hell yeah!” He turned to Abby. “Pardon my French.” Abby just shook her head and threw her hands up. She was so entertained by how giddy they were talking about a common interest, that she couldn’t care less about him swearing in her presence. “My grandpa had this amazing ’67 Impala, he kept that thing in pristine condition. Everything I’ve ever learned about engines, I learned working on that car, with him.”

“Well, how about after dinner I take you out for a drive. You could see how she runs.”

“I’d really like that. And I gotta say that paint job is pretty sweet too, especially the decal that was on the driver-side door.”

“Oh I can’t take credit for that.” Raven said. Wick looked at her puzzled.

“Clarke designed that decal.” Kane interjected. “It was a birthday gift for Raven a few years back.”

Wick looked over to Clarke now. “Really?”

“Yes.” Came Abby. “She is a very talented artist.”

Lexa was finally in the right mind to speak again. “Yeah, she mentioned that the other night.”

“Is that what the both of you were talking about for so long?” Raven said in an accusatory tone.

“Why do you say it like that?” Abby asked looking back and forth between the girls. She felt like she was missing out on some grand joke.

Raven took the opportunity to tease her little sister. “While everyone else was hanging out at the table, the two of them were at the bar like they’re in their own little world.”

“Yeah, like they were too cool to hang with the rest of us.” Wick said joining in on the fun. Clarke was used to Raven’s quips and underhanded comments, but now that there were two of them, she couldn’t help but blush.

“Anyway,” Lexa jumped in. “I was actually hoping I’d get to see some of your work.” She said to Clarke sincerely.

Clarke felt the same surge of electricity she had from the bar, wash over her once again. “Well, I think I may have some stuff still upstairs in my old room. I can show you after dinner.”

“Why wait? That painting hanging right over there is one of Clarke’s.” Abby pointed to the wall behind Kane where there hung an incredible painting of a waterfall. “It’s our view from the hotel on our trip to Niagara Falls. We took the girls there back when they were still in high school.”

“Wait a minute,” Wick said confused. “…that’s not a photo, that’s a painting?” The entire table erupted into a collective fit of laughter. It was safe to say who was providing the night’s comic relief.

Lexa admired the painting once again. “Wow. Clarke that seriously is a magnificent piece.”

Clarke looked over at her and the two of them shared a sweet smile. “Thank you.”

Over the next hour, the six of them enjoyed their meal and the friendly conversation that seemed to flow effortlessly. Kane was right, it wasn’t that bad at all. It was actually pretty fascinating. A bulk of the discussion consisted of them swapping funny and crazy stories of their experiences at work. Kane, Wick & Lexa regaled the girls with many tales about things they had undergone on the job. They each went back and forth describing hilarious calls they responded to and some of the dumbest suspects they’ve had to subdue. Raven was able to remember some of the calls they were talking about as some she had been assigned to after the fact. That led to Clarke and Abby describing some pretty comical events they underwent throughout their shifts in the ER.

At one point, Lexa sat back and watched as Clarke and her family told her and Wick about one of their many family vacations. It had something to do with them taking a road trip, driving through a tunnel and challenging each other to hold their breaths for the length of it. Clarke and Raven started laughing uncontrollably as Kane took one hand off of the wheel and reached back to mess with them, trying to get them to laugh and fail the challenge but that only resulted in him laughing and losing the competition. Clarke began laughing all over again, as if she were right back in that car again, and Lexa was in awe. Hearing that laugh sent a warmth through her that she hadn’t felt in a long time. She then glanced at each member of the family, and that warmth was momentarily replaced with a pit in her stomach. This was an actual family that loved and respected each other. It had been so long since Lexa had seen certain members of her family, she couldn’t help but feel jealous which in turn made her feel foolish. It wasn’t until she heard Clarke’s infectious laughter once again, that she was able to snap herself out of it and that warmth she had grown fond of returned and flooded within her.

-

After they finished eating dinner, the house quieted down significantly. Raven kept her word to Wick and took him for a drive in her Camaro. Even through the closed door of the house, the rest of them were able to hear the loud roar of the engine and the piercing screech as the car peeled out of the driveway and down the street.

While Abby and Marcus excused themselves to clear the table of the dishes, Clarke took Lexa on a tour, showing her all of the paintings she did that her parents had hung throughout the house. Lexa was hanging on every word she was saying while being completely mesmerized looking at her incredibly talented paintings. They had gone through the entire house and ended up at a room that had been designated as Clarke’s art studio.

“So, let me ask you this.” Lexa spoke. “Which one would you consider to be your favorite? That you loved working on the most.”

Clarke thought about it for a second, smiling through a shrug. “That’s like asking which is my favorite child?” She mulled it over for another moment before reaching a decision. “Actually…I’d have to say this one.” Walking across the room toward a stack of canvases that were leaned up against the wall, Clarke pulls out a piece from the center of the stack and showed it to Lexa. Painted on the canvas with absolute perfection was the image of the night sky set above a forest tree line. The stars were rendered so flawlessly it seemed as though they were actually giving off their own light. Looking at it, Lexa was speechless. “My dad took us camping a few years before he passed. The sky was so clear that he stomped out the campfire and we laid out on the grass. Never in my life had I seen the stars shine brighter than they had that night.” Lexa shifted her gaze to Clarke as she stared at the painting, reminiscing about a memory she shared with her late father. “I painted this from memory as my senior project for my Fine Arts class back in High School.”

“It’s incredible.” Lexa offered softly. She wanted to say more but before she got the chance, both of their attentions were drawn to the doorway where Kane made his presence known by knocking.

“Excuse me ladies.” He said apologetically. “I hate to interrupt but I was hoping to borrow Lexa. Do you mind if you and I have a word in private?”

“Not at all sir.” Lexa turned to Clarke. “I’ll be right back.” Clarke nodded back to her and smiled. Lexa followed Kane downstairs to his home office just of the main hallway. He motioned for her to enter first and closed the door behind them. Lexa wasn’t quite sure of the nature of this discussion, so to play it safe, she remained standing, looking around the room. She smiled internally noticing all the pictures that occupied the mantle and his desk. Almost every photograph comprised of himself with Abby and the girls. Just by looking at them, she got the sense that Marcus was the goofy yet doting type of father.

“Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.” He began to get her to relax. “I, uh, I wanted to apologize about earlier.” At that Lexa looked confused. “When my wife asked you about your father.”

With the mention of her father, she realized. “You know?”

“Yeah, but Abby doesn’t, that’s why she asked.”

“Indra told you.” She said upon further contemplation.

Kane could do little to hide the guilt that presented on his features. “When I requested your file.” He moved to stand in front of his desk, leaning back up against it and folded his arms. “I knew him, your father. I worked with him and Indra for a while when I got out of the academy, but I transferred to the 14th precinct after a few years. He was a hell of a cop and I had a lot of respect for him back then. Never in a million years would I believe him capable of something so horrible.” Kane took a second to read the detective to decide whether to continue. He noticed her swallow deeply and figured she was fighting off tears, but had he not seen that, he never would have known by simply scanning her face. “I have to say, I’m very impressed with you, detective. Many people go through what you have in your life and they let it keep them down, they go down a dark path, but you persevered. Your service record is outstanding. Sergeant Byrne speaks very highly of you, says you’re the best she’s ever trained.” Lexa smiled to herself. “If you’re even half the cop your father was, then I know there’s truth to that. I see big things for your career down the line. Commander of the 26th, hell, maybe even the Police Commissioner.”

“I appreciate that Super-” Kane gave her a look before she could finish. “…Marcus. Maybe that could be me one day, but for now…I really like being a detective. Working in Intelligence.”

“I completely understand. All I’m saying is keep it in mind, keep doing what you’ve been doing and when you’re ready to move forward, I’ll be more than happy to back you.”

Lexa smiled. “Thank you sir, that means a lot.” Kane smiled in return and led the way for them to exit the office and rejoin Abby & Clarke who were seated in the living room. When the two entered, both women stood up.

Abby noticed the subtle look on Lexa’s face as she came to a stop before the woman. “Everything okay?” She asked warily, looking back and forth between each of them.

“Absolutely.” Kane said with a bit of enthusiasm.

Lexa quickly put on a convincing smile. “Yeah, everything’s great. Though, it is getting pretty late, I should probably get going. Abby, Marcus, thank you so much for a wonderful evening. Dinner was fantastic and your home is beautiful.”

Abby stepped closer towards her. “I’m glad you were able to join us tonight and that I got the chance to meet you.” She leaned in for another hug to which Lexa was more receptive this time around. “You are always welcome in our home.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Clarke voiced meeting the green-eyed gaze of the detective. She made her way to the front door with Lexa close behind her.

-

Clarke and Lexa walked side by side across the street towards her car. “Listen,” Clarke began. “I’m-I’m really sorry they forced you to come tonight. I know it’s the last thing you’d want to do.”

“It’s totally fine. Honestly, it was a lot less intimidating than I thought it would be. I’m glad I came.”

“Me too. I’m happy I got to see you again.” Clarke said playfully nudging her shoulder into Lexa’s. “Even if I had to share you with my family for a night.”

Just before they reached Lexa’s car, they stopped and turned to face each other. “Clarke, your family is amazing. You’re really lucky.”

“Yeah.” Clarke breathed out with a smile, turning her head to glance at the house for a second, then turned it back. “Hey. Can I see your phone for a second?”

“Okay.” Lexa said suspiciously as she reached into her back pocket to produce her phone and handed it over to her.

Clarke inputted her number in Lexa’s phone, then used it to call herself saving Lexa’s number in her own.

“Here.” She said handing the phone back. “Now you have my number & I have yours.”

“Cool.” Was all Lexa could think to say.

“So whenever you get a break from those chaotic, high-level cases…you and I can hang out. Go for lunch or out for a drink.”

“I’d like that.”

“I would too.” They both shared a smile with one another, neither wanting to break the connection their eyes had formed with each other.

Lexa was the first to break the surprisingly comfortable silence. “Speaking of my chaotic and crazy job, I have a meeting with my precinct commander in the morning.”

“Right.” Clarke said feeling like a she was back in middle school talking with a crush. “You should get home and rest. Thank you again, for…everything. I’ll see you again soon?”

“Yeah.” Lexa said confidently. “You will.”

“Good.” With that, Clarke leaned in and gave Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek, then turned to head back inside the house, looking back one last time at Lexa to give her a smile.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the positive feedback. I'll try to update as soon as I can.


	4. The Bridges I Have Crossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke & Lexa get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter four. Thanks for your patience...Enjoy!

 

**St. Joseph’s Hospital; 6 th Floor – Office of Dr. Alie Pramheda**

-

Lexa took a moment to glance around Dr. Pramheda’s office, familiarizing herself with her surroundings and taking note of every detail she could. While she had been in a psychologist’s office several times before, this was her first session with the departments newest shrink. Nevertheless, she knew the drill. Whenever cops were required to undergo a psych eval following a shooting, they always tried to act as though they hadn’t been phased by it, hoping their façade would be the easiest way to clear them to get back to active duty. All that ever did was prove that they hadn’t dealt with what happened. Lexa wasn’t the type of person who liked to discuss her feelings with anyone. To say it made her feel uncomfortable was the understatement of the century. But if talking to a trained professional who was legally and ethically required to withhold any and everything she disclosed, she’d swallow her pride and vent her troubles.

Dr. Alie Pramheda found herself to be intrigued by the young brunette detective before her. She had heard many things about Lexa Carey from other officers that had come to her and several members of the administrative staff. What she was able to gather from the things that had been said was that this woman was a tough and smart cop. A natural born leader who played it close to the vest.

“After reading your file I know this isn’t your first time in therapy.” Dr. Pramheda offered breaking the silence that had occupied the room since they had made their introductions and began the session about five minutes ago. “Social Services had you evaluated before your sister became your legal guardian, with mandatory check-ins twice a year until you were 18. So, I’m sure you’re familiar with how these sessions play out.”

Lexa nodded at the memory. “You could say that.” Her face remained void of any emotion whatsoever.

“So…Let’s just get right down to it and talk about the shooting.” Hearing the suggestion, Lexa found herself beginning to like the therapist. In every other session she’s had, the psychiatrist always wanted to begin by trying to understand what was going on with her before getting to the reason she was there in the first place.

She allowed her features to soften before answering. “My team and I were working an abduction case. A young woman by the name of Chloe Cooke was grabbed from the parking garage as she was leaving work one night. After a few days of investigating, we found her tied up in storage unit that belonged to a guy from Toronto. Turns out he had done this kind of thing to several other women across two countries. She was injected with Ketamine & ACP to keep her sedated.”

“What happened after you found her?”

“We brought her to the hospital. Doctors said she should be fine.”

“But she wasn’t.”

At this point, it had dawned on Lexa that Dr. Pramheda had read the report of the incident in question. “No. I guess the combination of drugs and the trauma put too much strain on her heart. She went into cardiac arrest. Doctors did everything they could but, she didn’t make it. Her boyfriend, Atom Ward, snapped. He came back to the hospital with a gun, shot at several members of the staff and then held one of the doctors that treated her at gunpoint.” Having had to recount the event several times over the last week and a half, she was starting to feel more like an actress running through her lines again and again.

“To what end?” Dr. Pramheda asked.

“He wanted revenge against everyone that treated Chloe. He felt that they hadn’t done enough, that the doctors didn’t do their job.”

“Then what happened?”

“My team & I entered the room. I was able to talk him down. So, he let Cla-…Dr. Griffin go.” Lexa stopped to clear her throat before continuing, hoping she didn’t seem unprofessional at the slipup. “That’s when he aimed his gun at me, so my partner and I took him down.”

“Did he shoot?” Alie asked already knowing the answer.

“Yes.” Lexa responded nonchalantly. “He fired a round. It hit the wall behind me.”

Alie leaned forward in her chair. “Why did he get the chance to fire at you? Standard procedure calls for immediate takedown.”

Lexa let a few moments pass before answering, fidgeting with her hands. “I may have hesitated.”

“May have?”

“I hesitated.” Lexa uttered back.

Dr. Pramheda shrugged her shoulders, eyes trained on the detective. “Why?”

After a long pause, Lexa finally thought of an answer. “I guess…I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“I’m curious, what was it you said to him to get him to release Dr. Griffin?” Alie then leaned back again in her seat. She knew she was getting close to finding something in the detective, but didn’t want to push her too obviously.

“I was able to relate to him on an emotional level.”

“How so?” 

She didn’t answer immediately. Taking a few seconds to ensure her voice didn’t break. “A few years ago, I lost someone I cared about.” Lexa averted her gaze to the window, trying to look anywhere but at the shrink until she had a better handle on her emotional walls. “My girlfriend.”

“What was her name?” Alie asked sympathetically.

“…Costia.” Lexa replied clearing her throat, once again. It had become somewhat of a tell.

Alie searched the brunette’s green eyes. “It must have been hard talking about her, even more so telling a complete stranger.”

“Well, it’s over now.”

“Would you like to talk about what happened her?” Alie asked sincerely.

“I’d rather not.”

“Why not?”

Lexa looked up to meet the doctors gaze. She wanted her to see that what she said next was truer than anything else she could say in their session. “I’ve already dealt with everything after she died, and I’ve moved on.”

They spent the remainder of the hour discussing any feelings Lexa may have been repressing from the shooting at the hospital. Alie was more insightful and perceptive than any other psychologist Lexa had ever been to. She had a way of getting the brunette to open up and realize emotional responses that not even she was aware of. The doctor had even managed to switch the topic and got Lexa to talk about her past, something she rarely ever spoke about, but Alie’s approach was commendable.

At the end of it all, Lexa was cleared to return to active duty. It took everything she had to contain her enthusiasm and not scream her head off. Though her excitement dissipated a bit after Alie had insisted that a condition of her clearance be that she continue sessions for a few weeks. Lexa agreed to it, willing to do whatever it takes to get out from behind the confines of her desk and back out onto the streets.

* * *

 

Lexa pushed the button inside the elevator and threw her hands in her jacket pockets, leaning against the back wall as the doors closed. Her session with Dr. Pramheda had been more emotionally taxing than she thought it would be. It had been a while since she had spoken about her parents and her childhood, now she found herself having flashbacks of everything that happened.

She was snapped back into reality when the elevator ding chimed and the doors opened. Lexa shuffled passed the doctors and nurses entering and exiting along with her. Walking down the hall of the hospital, she looked up and her breath was taken away when her eyes met those of the beautiful blonde that had come into her life in the most unexpected way.

“Lexa?” Clarke said excitedly with the biggest of smiles, stopping once they reached each other.

Lexa returned the smile with equal measure. “Clarke. Hey.”

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I had a session with Dr. Pramheda.”

“Ah…So dinner with my family drove you to therapy. Yeah, that sounds about right.” Clarke joked.

Lexa snickered, finding it strange that this girl somehow knows how to make her laugh. “Not at all. Psych evals are mandatory whenever a cop shoots someone. They just want to make sure we don’t have a mental breakdown and go all 5150.”

Clarke let her features soften and her tone quickly changed to fit a more sensitive nature. “That kind of thing must be hard to deal with. Are you okay?”

Lexa shrugged. “I’m fine.” She said for the millionth time. “Sadly, this wasn’t the first time I had to do something like that and working in Intelligence means it won’t be the last time. I’ve made my peace with that.”

“Well that’s good to hear.”

The two stood sharing a smile and getting lost in each other’s eyes when they were soon interrupted by a voice coming over the hospital’s PA system. “Dr. Griffin, please report to the ICU. Dr. Clarke Griffin to the ICU, please.”

“Sounds like you have another life that needs saving.” Lexa said to Clarke.

“More likely a bed pan in need of changing.” They both chuckled again and Lexa felt butterflies flutter in her stomach hearing that beautiful sound. “I should go.” Clarke said hiding the reluctance she felt.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Talk again soon?”

“Yeah. You know where to find me.”

* * *

**Precinct – 20 min. later**

 -

Reaching the floor where her team resided, Lexa stood before her fellow detectives all preoccupied with their work, with the biggest smile she could possibly form. “Good morning!” She spoke at a volume that was unusual for her. “How are all you fine detectives doing today?” Getting their attention, Lexa was met with confused looks from all around the bullpen, but she simply shrugged them off.

Gina raised an eyebrow at her friend from her place by the filing cabinets. “Okay…What did that shrink give you? And can I have two?”

“Yeah.” Lincoln added. “What’s got you so giddy?”

Bellamy watched his partner saunter over to her desk with a noticeable pep in her step. “If I had to guess, I’d say she was cleared to get back to the field.”

Lexa turned to her partner, smile still dawning her face. “You’re damn right! So what do we got? C’mon I’m chomping at the bit.”

“Sorry Commander.” Bellamy said amused. “Radio silence all morning.”

Lexa’s face fell. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Wish we were,” Lincoln said. “but it’s been slow.” Lexa sat down at her desk deflated. She grabbed one of the closed case files from the corner of her desk and logged on to her computer, figuring she might as well catch up on paperwork.

The six detectives sat at their desks catching up on paperwork or re-familiarizing themselves with cold cases from other departments, trying to preoccupy their minds until they caught a new case. The atmosphere transitioned between usual chitchat and eerily quiet over the next hour. They were suddenly pulled out of their stupor when Byrne emerged from her office.

“Okay. I just got off the phone with the Captain of the 14th. They busted a grow op and uncovered a body. They’re running down a list of possible witnesses, one of them was admitted to St. Jo’s last night. I know it not the most glamorous task, but they need us to go down there and question him. Who wants it?”

Lexa, risking a head rush and whiplash, shot up out of her desk before anyone else could finish processing the question. “I’LL TAKE IT!” She ignored the looks from her colleagues.

“Carey? Have you even been cleared yet?” asked Byrne.

“Just this morning Serge. Please let me take it. I’ve been losing my mind for the last week.” 

Byrne knew just how true that was. Whenever Lexa was placed on desk duty, she turned into a child stuck at home with the chicken pox while their friends all played outside. It was torture on her and Byrne felt for her every time. “It’s all yours detective.” She said handing her the memo page with the witness’ name and room number. “Who’s going with her?” Byrne directed to the rest of the bullpen.

Bellamy stood up and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and threw his phone in his back pocket. “And that’s my cue.”

* * *

 

**St. Joseph’s Hospital – 1 hour & a half later.**

 -

Bellamy and Lexa rode the hospital elevator down to the ground floor going over the line of questioning they had just went through with the witness for the 14th Precincts murder investigation. As the doors opened and they stepped out into the hall, Lexa’s eyes haphazardly found a pair of blues for the second time that day, causing her to feel that sudden rush of butterflies in her stomach.

“Twice in one day.” Clarke said approaching the two detectives. “Don’t I feel special?”

“Hey. Bellamy & I had a witness to question on the fourth floor.” At mention of his name, Bellamy smiled politely to Clarke before turning to his partner and signaling with his head, silently, letting her know that he was going to walk ahead and allow the two to talk.

Clarke feigned offense. “Oh, so you didn’t come all the way here just to see me.”

“Well…It was an added bonus.”

Clarke took a small step closer to the brunette, trying to be as subtle as possible. “Actually, I’ve been kind of hoping I’d see you again. Octavia & Raven invited me along with them to Polis tonight. I was wondering if you were going to be there…unless you had to work late or something.” 

“Oh.” Lexa was surprised at the blonde’s statement. “Yeah if nothing too major pops up, I should be there.”

“Well if you are there, maybe we can hang out.”

“Sure. Sounds fun.”

“Great. I can’t wait.” Clarke put on a fake, firm voice for hilarity. “Now go…protect & serve the citizens of the city.” The blonde gave a very awkward salute, regretting it the second it was over.

Lexa, however, chuckled finding it humorous. Then again, it could just be the fact that in Clarke’s presence, everything seemed heightened. “Will do…” Lexa shrugged, unsure of how to continue the conversation. She thought it best to save any further discussion for when they meet up later. “I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

The two shared a smile for a few seconds longer than should be expected. “Bye.” Clarke let out nervously. As Lexa turned to leave, catching up with Bellamy just before the doors, it was Clarke’s turn to watch her go. The doctor was completely unaware of the flirtatious smile she was still bearing, as well as the audience she had attained. Looking over at the nurse’s station, Clarke met the haughty gaze of Dr. Lorelai Tsing, a woman who had become a mentor since med school.

“What?” Clarke said innocently as if she hadn’t just gotten caught.

Dr. Tsing shook her head and looked back down at the patient file in her hands. “She’s cute. And I think she likes you.”

“Yeah?” The blonde asked with a hint of shy hopefulness.

“Oh yeah.”

* * *

 

The detectives exited the front doors of the hospital and each of them couldn’t help but think back to the last time they walked out of those doors together. Lost in their own minds, walking in a comfortable silence, they were only about ten feet from the entrance when the hospital’s Chief Administrator approached them, coming back from a lunch meeting.

“Lexa!” Abby said, pulling both detectives out of their own minds.

“Dr. Griffin. It’s nice to see you again.” She said as they all stopped under the canopy leading up to the doors.

“Please, I insist you call me Abby, no matter what the setting.”

Lexa nodded remembering her first interaction with the woman. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Bellamy, always a pleasure.” Abby said to the detective. She had met him a handful of times given that her daughters were very close friends with his sister and even worked with her oldest, Raven. Abby turned back to address Lexa again. “I’m glad I ran into you. May I talk to you for a moment?”

“Absolutely.” Lexa replied.

Bellamy could sense the tone to this conversation and decided to make himself scarce. “I’ll go get the car.” He said to his partner, then smiled at Abby and left.

Abby pulled Lexa off to the side of the walkway so their talk couldn’t be overheard by people coming and going from the hospital. “I wanted to apologize for the other night at dinner, I never would have brought up the topic had I known.”

It didn’t take long for Lexa to put two-and-two together. “You know about my father.” She stated. 

“I hope you’re not angry with Marcus for telling me, it’s just that I noticed your reaction and the way he and Wick stepped in. I’m just worried that I might have upset you and that was not my intention.”

“It’s fine, really. I would have said something, but it’s not exactly something I like talking about.”

“Understood. But if you ever do want to talk I’m here.” Abby searched the green eyes of the brunette that had refused to meet hers since the conversation began. “And I meant what I said about you always being welcome in our home, it wasn’t just pleasantries. I really do consider you a friend of the family.”

Lexa smiled, raising her head to finally shared a gaze with the woman. “I appreciate that, Abby. Thank you.”

“No problem. Well I’ll let you get back to it, I’m sure you have more lives to save.”

Lexa laughed internally thinking about how funny it was that she had said the same thing to Clarke earlier. “As do you.” Abby leaned in to hug her goodbye, to which she was fully expecting this time around.

* * *

 

**Polis – That Night**

 -

As they usually did most nights after work, the group of detectives all met up at Polis for a few rounds of drinks along with Jasper, Monty & Monroe. Tonight was a bit different as they were joined by Clarke and her sister Raven. While everyone crowded around their regular table talking and sharing funny and crazy stories, Lexa and Clarke found a high table with a few stools towards the back of the bar to be by themselves.

Clarke had just downed her third shot of tequila, the first being what she needed to calm her nerves and keep from embarrassing herself in front of Lexa, but the last two helped her loosen up. Lexa was nursing her second Jack & Coke, completely enamored by the woman before her.

Clarke leaned forward and locked eyes with the brunette, feeling the alcohol course through her veins giving her a sense of confidence. “So, call me crazy, but I feel like I’m detecting a slight hint of an accent.”

Lexa smiled to herself. “Oh…Yeah. I was born in Brooklyn then moved out here when I was three. By then I was already talking so I had an accent. I was perfectly fine with it until I started school and had kids making fun of me.”

“Oh no!” Clarke exclaimed a little louder than she had intended to. Good thing it was fairly loud in the bar. 

“Yeah. I begged for speech therapy when I was eleven, but…no go.” 

“Please tell me they stopped.” 

“Not at all!!” 

“No?! What did you do then?”

Lexa thought it over for a moment trying to recall the details from her childhood. “Well, if I remember correctly, I kicked the first kid, broke the nose of the second and gave the third a wedgie so fierce, he went home in tears.” 

Clarke couldn’t contain herself. She threw her head back and let out the most adorable laugh Lexa had ever heard in her life. “That’s amazing!”

“Yeah…Nobody ever messed with me after that.” Lexa said smiling at her and thinking back to how surprisingly fun it was getting revenge on bullies.

“I’ll bet.” Clarke said taking a sip of her drink. 

“My sister always taught me to stick up for myself. I think that was the first time I ever truly listened to her.”

Clarke looked back at her with genuine interest learning this new info about her. “You have a sister?” She asked.

“Older half-sister, Anya. We have the same dad.”

“Are you two close?” 

“Very. She took me in when I was 10, raised me from that point.”

Clarke was reminded of the other night at dinner when her mom had asked Lexa about her father, and the way she tensed up, allowing Wick & Marcus to intervene. “What about your parents?” That question sent Lexa’s face into a gradual fall. “I’m sorry…If that’s too personal…”

“No it’s fine. It’s just not the most uplifting story. I wouldn’t want to bum you out.”

Clarke leaned in to put her hand on Lexa’s arm, looking into her eyes to convey her concern. “I’m interested.”

Lexa took a moment to collect herself, taking a deep breath. “My mom left when I was 5. My dad didn’t take that too well, so he started drinking... At first he was just angry all the time, always yelling at me, nothing I couldn’t handle. But, after a while…it escalated. He started taking his anger out on me.” Clarke knew where this was going and matched Lexa’s woeful expression from a moment ago. “And y’know he was a cop so he knew how to hide the bruises.”

“How long did that go on?” Clarke asked solemnly.

“Three years.” Lexa continued. “Then one night, it was all just…over. I woke up in the hospital after 2 days. Apparently, he threw me down the stairs. I was admitted for a concussion, a few broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. That was eighteen years ago, and I haven’t seen him since. But my sister was right by my side, so was Indra.”

Clarke recognized the name. “Captain Porter?”

Lexa nodded. “She’s my godmother. She and my dad came up together in the academy & were partners on patrol. She found out what had been going on…so she ran him out of town, told him to leave and never come near us again. Anya was 20 at the time, so she became my legal guardian.” 

Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa’s arm sweetly. “I’m sorry that you had all that happen.”

“I told you it wasn’t a happy story.” Lexa said, mentally shaking it off.

“Well, I’m glad you told me.” Clarke removed her hand from Lexa’s arm and took another sip of her drink.

Lexa looked at her, surprise that she had just disclosed her life’s story. “Yeah, me too. It’s weird, I don’t really tell that story to…anyone, really.”

“You should know there’s nothing you can’t tell me.” They both shared a smile. “And looking at you now, with the way you turned out, seems like everything worked out in the end.”

“Yeah, I got lucky. I was blessed with a big sister to look out for me.”

Clarke smiled to herself. “It _is_ nice. Raven can be pretty protective of _me_ at times.”

It was Lexa’s turn to become intrigued. “Y’know…I couldn’t help but notice. You and Raven don’t look anything alike.” 

“She was adopted.” Lexa gave Clarke her full attention, not that she hadn’t had it since the moment she entered the bar. “Her mom had problems with drugs. When Raven was 4 the police found her abandoned in some crack house in Regent Park. She was cold, hungry and scared…no idea where her mom went. They figured she got high and forgot about her. The cops took her to the hospital to treat her for hypothermia and malnutrition. My mom was the one who looked after her. She was the first person Raven felt safe around. So, when Child Services showed up a couple days later to take her to some group home, she started screaming and crying, holding onto my mom for dear life. She said it broke her heart seeing that little girl so frightened. That was the night Raven came to live with us. She gave my dad absolutely no warning, but he was totally fine with it. Not long after, they started the process of adopting her."

“How old were _you_?” Lexa asked. 

“3. I didn’t really understand what was going on. But, all of a sudden I had a big sister, so I didn’t have anything to complain about.” Looking back, she didn’t. Since the second Raven joined their family, Clarke had been grateful every day since.

“And you were all one big happy family?”

Clarke shook her head. “Not at first.” She said thinking back on the rough transition. “The first year was pretty touch-and-go. Raven had nightmares, would constantly wake up crying. But every night, my mom would hold her and sing to her until she fell asleep. It took her a while to warm up to our dad. She never had a father figure before, but once she did, she became a total daddy’s girl. _Then_ we were one big happy family. That only lasted a few years though…” Clarke’s face fell and Lexa knew all too well the cause of her sudden anguish.

“Your dad?” 

“He died when I was 8. Raven was 9.”

Lexa moved her hand to rest on Clarke’s knee beneath the table. “I’m sorry. How did it happen?”

“Car accident.” 

“Must have been hard.”

“A little bit. But, you know the old saying, time heals all wounds.”

“That it does.”

“Anyway.” Clarke breathed out not wanting to let the tragedy of her past affect her in the presence of such a gorgeous companion. “A few years later, my mom met Marcus back when he was a Detective with the 14th precinct. He was at the hospital visiting his mother. They met, started talking & fell for each other.”

“I bet you and your sister gave him a hard time.” Lexa said jokingly, downing the last bit of her drink. “Scare off mom’s new boyfriend.”

Clarke did the same. “Actually…we didn’t. When they first started dating, we saw this change in her. She was happier all the time, it was like she got that spark back. He treated her like a Queen since day one, and spoiled the hell out of Raven & I.” Lexa didn’t find that hard to believe considering all that she had witnessed between the family. “After they got married, it was like he filled that void that was left when my dad died, almost as if… he was sent to us.” Clarke let out a small chuckle as a pleasant memory replayed in her mind. “Our first Father’s day with him, Raven & I surprised him by making breakfast. We got him a ton of cheesy gifts and dedicated the whole day to him, but what really made him happy was that at the end of the night, before we went to bed, we wished him one final ‘Happy Father’s Day’…and we called him dad.” Lexa matched her smile hearing the happiness emanate from her. “The next day, our mom told us that he was so happy, he almost cried.”

“You all do seem pretty perfect together.” Lexa said lightening the mood a bit. “Almost like a Hallmark Channel movie.”

Clarke let out a slight chuckle. “I’m going to pretend that was a compliment.”

“It was.”

Clarke decided to take the opportunity to broach a subject that been weighing on her mind since the day Lexa had made her grand entrance into her life. “So, there’s uh…Something I’ve been curious about, but…I’m not quite sure how to ask it.” She began hesitantly.

“Well…what is it you’re curious about?”

Clarke took a deep breath, wishing the waiter would bring by another round of courage for her. “What you told that guy…Ward...to get him to let me go. Was that real or…did you just make that up to empathize with him?”

Lexa shook her head slowly. “No. No, that was all real.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.” Lexa said shrugging it off. “I’ve dealt with it and I’ve moved on.” Despite her resilience, Clarke could tell that still might be a store subject. She decided to just drop it for now and changed the subject to that of a more joyful element.

* * *

 

The girls sat at their table in back of the bar talking well after their friends had called it a night. It was a little after eleven o’clock when they decided to head out as well. Clarke was pretty tipsy, but not drunk, which didn’t lessen Lexa’s concern in the slightest. She offered the blonde a ride home, which she turned down, saying it was a beautiful night and she lived only a few blocks from the bar, so she would just walk.

Lexa insisted that she escort her. “Let me walk you. It’s my duty as a sworn officer of the law to make sure you get home safe.” She pretended it was the cop in her that wanted to ensure that she got home okay, but she knew deep down, it was something else. Something she couldn’t quite fathom just yet, but she wasn’t sure she cared at this point.

Clarke gave her the most flirtatious smile. “Well okay then.” She said leading the way down the street walking side by side with the brunette.

Even after spending the last few hours immersed in conversation, both of them were surprised to find that they had no trouble keeping the discussion going. 

“I’ll bet you’re over the moon about being cleared to get back to the field.” Clarke said turning to glance at her.

Lexa let a beaming smile flash across her face. “Like you wouldn’t believe. I can’t sit behind a desk all day. I’m just not wired that way.”

“Well, I’m happy for you. I can tell how much you love being out chasing bad guys.” Clarke slowed her stride as they reached the front steps to her building and ascended them. Lexa was only a few paces behind her, just trying to be thorough. “This is me.” She turned back to face Lexa. “Thank you so much for walking me home. It’s like I had a personal body guard. And I’m really glad you & I got to hang out tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.” Lexa said with a slight hint of surprise.

“Hopefully we can do this again.”

Lexa nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Good. So, I’ll see you soon?”

“You know where to find me.” 

Clarke took a second getting lost in the green eyes staring back at her before the alcohol in her system took hold of her impulse control. Without realizing what she was doing, she reached out her hand, grabbing Lexa by the back of her neck, pulling her in and pressing her lips to hers. Lexa was taken aback. She had no idea how to react and froze in place.

As they break away, Clarke sees the look of shock flooding Lexa’s face and was immediately overcome with embarrassment. “Oh my god.” She said, feeling mortified, she grabbed her keys out of her purse as quickly as she could and unlocked the door. “I’m so sorry. I just-I…sorry.” She uttered sheepishly, disappearing through the front door.

Lexa remained at her place on the steps staring after the blonde with the same look of disbelief. She raised her hand to her lips, reeling in fact that Clarke’s had just a moment ago been in contact with them. Still feeling the electricity lingering from the exchange. She gave a slight smile before heading home.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was okay. If there are any edits I missed or if you have any questions. Let me know what you think. I will try to have chapter 5 up hopefully sometime next week. Thanks again!


	5. Just Let Me in, I'll Help You in This World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa get closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the incredibly long delay. Life got a bit hectic. Anyway...enjoy. PS I rushed this out, so if there are any edits or grammar issues, let me know. Thanks!

**Two Days Later**

Lexa sat at her desk catching up on paperwork for her last few cases she and her team worked, when she heard her phone buzz beneath a random case file. Digging it out from under the pages, she smiled seeing that she had just received a text from Clarke.

Clarke (8:57 AM): MEET ME Ground R' Grind. 20 MIN?

Lexa (8:58 AM): OK SEE U THEN

* * *

**Ground R' Grind – 20 Minutes Later**

When Lexa entered the coffee shop, she looked around and quickly spotted Clarke at a table by the window. Immediately, she felt the butterflies in her stomach flapping with such gusto. The way the light struck her made her look damn near angelic. Bringing herself back into reality, Lexa headed to the table and took the seat across from Clarke.

As she sat down, Clarke's face lit up, though Lexa could still see a hint of worry in her eyes and heard it in her voice when she spoke. "Hi."

"Hey." Lexa replied with an equal smile.

"Thanks for meeting me. I hope I didn't pull you away from anything important."

"Just a pile of paperwork. Trust me you're a welcomed distraction." Clarke let out a small chuckle, but it was still obvious that she looked nervous. "Are you okay?" Lexa asked. "You seem like you might be a little flustered."

Clarke nodded unconvincingly. "I'm fine. I just really needed to talk to you."

Lexa, not knowing how to navigate the impending conversation, feigned ignorance. "About?"

"What happened the other night...I'm really sorry I just kissed you like that. I don't know what came over me. It just came out of nowhere. But, I don't want you to think that I normally go around doing that kind of thing, because I don't. Now that I think about it, it might have been the alcohol."

"Clarke, relax and breathe." She waited for Clarke to follow her advice and take a deep breath. "It's okay."

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about me, like I'm the kind of person who comes on too strong."

"It's really okay." Lexa reassured her. "You have nothing to worry about."

Clarke let out a sigh of relief and let her shoulders relax. "Good. Because had the vodka not taken over my impulse control, I actually wanted to end the night on a slightly different note."

"Oh? How so?"

The blonde took another deep breath before continuing. "I was going to tell you that I've really been enjoying all the time you and I have been spending together lately," Clarke felt her nerves suddenly creep up on her, "…and I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner with me…like on an official date."

Lexa's eyes widened slightly as she was taken aback. "Oh…. uhmm…"

Hearing the hesitation, Clarke's face fell. "…And you don't feel the same way." She said, looking down in her lap disappointed. "Well, I'm just on a roll, aren't I?" She said dejectedly to no one in particular.

"No. I'm sorry." Lexa let out quickly. "You just caught me off guard."

Clarke shrugged, not able to look at the brunette just yet. "But you don't see me that way."

"It's not that. I do, I just-" Lexa took a second, trying to figure out how best to word what she wanted to say next. "Do you know what transference is?" She asked Clarke.

Clarke finally looked up and met the green eyes she could easily get lost in, confusion written all over her face. "Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Cops also call it 'Damsel Syndrome'. When a cop, firefighter, doctor, or even a nurse saves someone from a traumatic situation, that person can sometimes develop romantic feelings for their 'savior'."

The blonde found herself understanding what she was getting at. "So you think my attraction to you is just a result of you saving me from Atom Ward?"

"I think it's possible." Lexa admitted. "And I wouldn't feel right starting up anything if that were the case."

"I can promise you, that is not what's happening." Clarke stated confidently. "I don't have feelings for you because you convinced a guy with a gun to let me go instead of killing me. That's just how I met you." She leaned forward and placed her hands on one of Lexa's that was resting on the table. "I like you. I started liking you the first time we spoke at the bar a few weeks ago. Then a little more during dinner with my parents. And the other night…" Clarke couldn't help the smile that made its way to her face as she recalled the feeling their kiss gave her, not bothering to care about the embarrassment that had soon followed. "Look, I'm positive that I'm not transferring any emotions of gratitude towards you into romantic feelings. They are completely genuine."

Lexa wanted desperately to completely believe her, but she knew that if she did that, there's a chance she would be opening herself up to be disappointed, and given the life she's led, she was overly cautious about that kind of thing. "That could change, though." She said grimly.

Clarke could see the reluctance in her. "Is that all this is about? Does this have anything to do with Marcus?"

"No." Lexa said quickly, before taking a second to think it over. "Well, actually, now that you mention it. With your dad being the Superintendent, people might talk."

"You don't strike me as the type who cares what other people think."

"I don't, but it might look like I was using you to rise through the ranks or something."

Clarke smiled to herself. "Well there is a bright side to this."

"What would that be?" Lexa asked suspiciously, yet with a hint of amusement.

"The fact that you thought this through, let's me know that there's a part of you that wants this too… and that gives me hope." Lexa blushed. "Okay, how about this?" Clarke began. "You and I keep hanging out…as friends. And if after a while we both still feel interested in each other…we pursue it."

Lexa took a second to think about it, her eyes never breaking the connection they had with those of the blondes. "I think that sounds like a great idea." Clarke released another sigh of relief, eliciting a laugh from the detective.

"I'm really glad you said that."

Lexa nodded. "Me too." The both of them could have sat in that café all day staring into each other's eyes and were very much willing to do so until Lexa's phone sounded from receiving a text message. With great reluctance, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and read the text. "My Sergeant needs to see me. I gotta get back to the precinct, I'm sorry."

Clarke shook her head. "Don't be. Call me later? We can grab dinner or something? …Platonically, of course."

"Absolutely." Lexa said. Getting up from her seat, she turned to Clarke one last time. "Have a good day."

"You too." Clarke said, watching the gorgeous brunette head out of the café. She looked out the window by her table, intent on watching her until the very last possible second. Lexa walked down the sidewalk, completely unaware there were a set of eyes on her. The blonde watched on as she pulled the sunglasses down from their place on the top of her head to her eyes. Walking towards her car, Lexa fell into her cop walk, her tough stride hypnotizing the young blonde. There was no denying it. Clarke Griffin had it bad for Lexa Carey.

* * *

When she got back to the precinct, Sgt. Byrne rallied the team together to give them the game plan. Since their caseload has been incredibly slow, they have been offering up their assistance to other units in all the surrounding precincts. That led to her tasking Lexa, Bellamy, Gina & Miller with apprehending a suspect in the drug bust murder from two days earlier.

After reading the guys rap sheet and learning he had a fondness for attempting to evade arrest, the four of them decided to strategize their approach in case he decided to run. He did. Climbing out of a second story window and down the tree next to it, Bellamy was already waiting for him down below. As the detective announced himself, the only option he could come up with was to fight his way out. Throwing his fist at Bellamy, with all his strength behind it, he quickly realized that it was the biggest mistake of his life. Bellamy blocked the punch and proceeded to deliver a series of blows to his face and ribs, then a swift kick to his left leg before twisting his arm around. Hearing the pop from his shoulder, Bellamy's final move was to throw him over his shoulder and watched him land hard on his back, now completely incapacitated.

That's when Gina, Lexa & Miller had caught up to them, guns draw just in case. Seeing the scene before them, they holstered their weapons and Gina pulled out her radio to get their suspect some very much needed medical attention.

"This is Detective Martin with Intelligence. Reporting a 10-13. Roll an RA unit to our location." She said into the radio.

"Copy that. EMS is in route." Came the dispatcher on the other end. At that time, two squad cars pulled up to offer their assistance. The detectives instructed them to begin clearing the house and executing a search for anything that would connect him to the murder he was suspected of committing.

Within five minutes, the ambulance they requested was pulling up and as luck would have it, Octavia & Raven hop out with the stretcher and their go bags, listening to the detectives give them a rundown of what happened to their suspect. "Why is it that every other call we get dispatched to involves, not only Intelligence, but my big brother?"

Bellamy just shrugged nonchalantly and flashed his signature smirk. "We go where the action is."

"I'll say." Raven said as they approached the unconscious man laying at his feet. "You guys do know that back at the depot, your nicknames are 'The commanders of death'?"

Gina shook her head slightly offended. "That's a little extreme…even for us."

"Agreed." Came Bellamy.

"Well what else do you expect when you guys are the reason for 90% of our calls." Octavia said as she and Raven rolled their victim onto the stretcher and hooked him up to some of their portable machines to monitor his heart rate and vitals. He was still unconscious, so at this point, there was nothing they could do for him.

At that, Bellamy grew irritated. "Y'know, people could save themselves a hell of a lot of pain, hospital bills and jail time if they didn't react so idiotically when we approach them. Instead, they either run or start throwing punches. Whatever happens next is on them."

"So true." Gina added.

As the girls loaded the stretcher into the back of the ambulance, Octavia with him, and closed the doors, Lexa walked up to them to give her partners a situation report. "Hey." She called out to Gina & Bellamy. "Uni's are just about done clearing the rest of the house. They found his cell phone and laptop, I had it sent to Monty to have it analyzed."

"Hey Lexa." Raven called out with a suspicious amusement in her tone.

"Hey Raven."

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Lexa had an idea of the conversation Raven wanted to have with her, and it made her a bit nervous given the conversation she had with Clarke earlier. "Uhh…yeah sure." She glanced back at her teammates for a second as she followed Raven to the driver side door of the ambulance.

"You and my sister have been spending a lot of time together." The EMT stated as if it was an accusation, but Lexa relaxed herself a bit upon hearing the amusement in her voice.

Lexa nodded. "We have." Suddenly, she was appreciating the fact that she was wearing sunglasses.

"Look," Raven began getting serious. "Whatever is going on with you guys is none of my business, but she's my baby sister. So, I think it goes without saying, you hurt her, I hurt you. You may be a badass detective with a gun, but I can be pretty scrappy when I'm motivated."

The inevitable sister speech. She had a feeling this would be coming at some point. Growing up with a very protective older sister herself, Lexa had a lot of respect for Raven, even after she just threatened her. "I get where you're coming from. Clarke & I have become really good friends in the last few weeks. And if she & I start to become something more, the last thing I would ever do is hurt her. You have my word."

Raven nodded her approval. "That's exactly what I needed to hear. I guess I'll be seeing you around, then."

"Yep." With that, they parted ways. Raven climbed into the driver's seat of her rig and pulled away from the scene. Lexa rejoined her team and instructed the uniformed officers as they swept through the house looking for evidence. It wasn't the most exciting part of her job, but Lexa was just grateful to be back out in the field again.

* * *

**St. Joseph's Hospital – 10 min. later**

The two brunette EMT's wheel their occupied gurney through the automatic double door entrance of the hospital's emergency wing, where Dr. Tsing and a few nurses were jogging up to meet them.

"What do we got?" The doctor asked sternly.

Octavia was usually the one who gave them the rundown of the patient. "30-year-old male. Dislocated shoulder, fractured tibia, three broken ribs & a pretty severe concussion."

"Geez." Dr. Tsing said leading them around the nurse's station, trying to find the nearest available trauma room. "What happened to him?"

Raven let out a slight chuckle. "Idiot ran from the cops and when they caught up to him, he tried to swing at O's brother."

"Seriously? I hope he's learned his lesson."

"Oh I think he got the message."

They all reached a vacant room and wheeled the stretcher in, lining it up with the empty hospital bed. Everyone took a side of the back board to grab onto and on the count of three, lifted the patient up and onto the bed. "Okay switch it out we've got this."

"Yes, ma'am." Octavia said to the doctor, grabbing their stuff so she and Raven could get out of their way and let them get to work. The two made their way to the nurse's station and began filling out the transfer paperwork on the guy they had just brought in. Just then, Clarke approaches them from behind the counter to pick up a patient file.

"Hey Rae, hey O." Clarke said to her sister and close friend.

"Hey." Raven greeted, excited that she gets to torment her sister sooner than she expected. "We just saw your new BFF Lexa." She said with a devilish smile. Clarke tried to hide the fact that she was blushing, but it was no use. "You should know that she & I had a pretty nice chat."

"Please tell me you didn't give her the sister speech, Rae." Clarke whined.

"You bet your ass I did. Not sure I was able to instill the same level of fear I did with everyone else you've dated, but I think she got the message okay."

"Please don't try to scare her off. I really like her."

Raven threw her hands up in mock surrender. "Hey, as long as she treats you right, she's got nothing to fear from me."

"So what _is_ up with you two?" Octavia asked remembering the way the two had kept to themselves whenever they all hung out at the bar.

"We've been hanging out." Clarke said innocently, knowing from past experiences that Raven would just keep pestering until she got every last detail. Now she had Octavia here for back up.

"And." Raven eyed her sister. "Is anything…progressing?"

"Kind of."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Octavia asked.

"I…I kissed her the other night."

"WHAT?!" The two girls practically screamed in unison. They were too intrigued by recent news to even care that several nurses had looked over at them wondering what was going on.

Clarke continued on. "The other night, we were at the bar and she walked me home. We get to my front steps and…before I knew what I was doing…I kissed her."

Octavia leaned on the counter. "So? What happened after that?"

"I got the hell out of there!"

"What?" Raven exclaimed throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Why?"

"I was embarrassed…and _very_ tipsy. Plus, she looked _so_ shocked, I had to get out of there."

"Have you talked to her since then?" Came Octavia.

Clarke nodded. "I asked her to meet me for coffee this morning. We talked & after I apologized, I asked her out."

"Nice." Raven smiled to her little sister. "Way to take the reins."

"It's not happening." Clarke said somewhat dejectedly recalling her conversation with Lexa earlier.

"Don't tell me she turned you down." Octavia replied.

"Not exactly. She thinks that my attraction to her is a result of 'damsel syndrome'."

Octavia thought it over for a moment and given the way the two had begun actually speaking to one another, she understood why Lexa would think that. "Actually, that does kind of make sense. Are you sure that's not what's going on?"

Clarke set down the patient file and met the eyes of the two people in her life she was closest to. "I'm positive. Every second I've spent with her since we met only makes me fall for her more. And I know she has feelings for me too. So, I suggested that we keep hanging out as friends for right now and revisit the idea in a few weeks if the feelings are still there," Clarke gave them a slight smirk. "…and I know they will be." She said with a strong confidence.

Raven was proud. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Yeah." Octavia added. "I'm rooting for you. I think you guys would be cute together."

Clarke turned to leave, getting ready to make her rounds, but left them with a final word. "Yeah, we will." She said sounding completely sure of herself.

* * *

**Polis – That Night**

The detectives, along with officers Jordan and Monroe and Monty from TARU (Technical Assistance Response Unit) were at their usual table at the bar. While work had been rather slow lately, that didn't stop them from having their end of day drink.

As the table erupted into a fit of laughter hearing Jasper's story about how he had to tackle a naked frat pledge who had decided to go streaking while being hopped up on 'shrooms, Bellamy had finished off his beer and got up to order another from the bar. Waiting for the bartender to finish serving a group of patrolmen at the other end, he noticed Octavia, Raven & Clarke make their way in and head straight for their table. Octavia wasted no time, sitting directly on Lincoln's lap. Wick pulled up a chair for Raven to sit in and Clarke took Bellamy's empty seat right next to Lexa, scooting it closer to her in the process. In a matter of seconds, the scene became one from a romantic comedy as the table was now overrun by couples. Bellamy watched Clarke & Lexa interact with one another. He had known Clarke for years, and in all that time, he'd never seen her eyes light up with so much affection as they did when she was around Lexa. The two of them had an obvious connection, and while he was happy to see his partner opening herself up again, he still found himself trying to fight off the jealousy he felt every time he saw them together.

Since Miller, Monty, Jasper & Monroe got up to play a few rounds of darts, Bellamy had decided to take a seat on one of the bar stools, not wanting to be the sixth wheel. He finally got his beer and settled in at the bar, glancing back at the table every once in a while. Loneliness began to set it when Gina leaned up against the bar next to him.

"I think I read somewhere that misery loves company." She said jokingly.

Bellamy forced a smile. "What exactly do you have to be miserable about?"

"Actually, I was talking about you."

"I'm not miserable." Bellamy breathed out a small chuckle and took a sip of his beer.

"Then maybe you should tell your face." Gina said. Bellamy shook his head at her and glanced down at the bottle. "Personally, I think it's funny. A table full of the most elite detectives in the city and I'm the only one who notices."

"What are you even talking about?"

"Clarke." She said more seriously. She took a second before continuing, watching the guilt wash over the detective's face. "Every time she walks into the room, your eyes gravitate towards her and you stare at her like a sad puppy. And Lexa is too busy falling head over heels for her, so she doesn't notice. Which is actually a blessing, because she's spent the last three years closing herself off, living in fear that whoever she involves herself with will eventually end up like Costia. Now after all this time, she meets someone she genuinely seems to like and she's letting herself. It would really suck if she found out that her partner was secretly in love the girl she's been falling for."

Bellamy let out a sigh of defeat. "I take it I can trust you not to say anything…to anyone."

"Yeah. Your secret's safe with me." Gina glanced towards Lexa, seeing her laugh at something the blonde was telling her. "I wouldn't do that to my best friend."

"Same here."

"I know. You're a good partner to Lexa. And a good friend." Gina thought now was a good transition. " _But_ …I've also took notice at how tense you've been lately."

Hearing her sudden change in tone, Bellamy glanced over at her, soon catching on to what she was saying for the second time that night. "Occupational hazard."

"Believe me I know. I've been feeling pretty… _tense_ myself."

"What's your point?"

"Maybe we can help each other." Gina insinuated.

Bellamy shook his head. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"And why's that?"

"We work together. That kind of thing tends to get messy."

Gina shrugged. "Doesn't have to." Bellamy gives her an incredulous look, as he contemplated her offer. "I'm serious. We don't have to make it into a big deal. It's not like we'll be dating or anything. We just use each other to relieve stress every once in a while." Gina could tell he was thinking it over, but remained skeptical. "How about we give it a shot, and you let me know if you have any objections."

The two detectives held an intense gaze. The more he thought about it, the more beneficial it seemed in their situation. They didn't exactly have much to leave. Bellamy started nodding. "…okay…". Gina led the way out of the bar, with Bellamy following closely behind. Both of them were incredibly thankful that no one was paying attention to either of them.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Clarke and Lexa had their talk at the coffee shop and decided how they were going to deal with their feelings for one another. So far, in that time, the two young women had found themselves spending a lot more time together. Whether they were out at Polis with Lexa's friends from work or out to lunch, they had been enjoying each other's company. The conversations between them could flow effortlessly and there was a familiar sense of comfort they had with one another that they never felt with anyone else. It was new, it was different and at times, it was scary, but neither of them wanted to question it.

It didn't take long for them to fall into a certain rhythm. Throughout the day they were constantly texting each other, making light conversation or just trying to make each other laugh. Going to Polis after work had become their routine. More times than not, they would opt to sit off at a table by themselves rather than with the rest of the group. Every once in a while, they would meet up for lunch in the middle of the day, both of them finding that they missed each other's presence while at work.

Lexa sat in her stool at the bar. Taking a quick glance to her phone, she smiled as she read the text from Clarke she had just received.

"No Clarke tonight?" Came Lincoln's voice as she took the seat to her right.

"She'll be here soon. E.R. got pretty busy after a car accident just before she could clock out."

"What's going on with two? Are you guys together yet?"

Lexa had been dreadfully anticipating this conversation ever since she and Clarke began hanging out. "No." she replied hoping by some stroke of luck, he would take that answer and leave it. Wishful thinking.

"Why not?"

"We're just friends, Linc."

"That's bull." He laughed out. "Since the day you two met, you've been different, but in a good way. You're more upbeat, smiling all the time. You haven't been that way since…" Lincoln had to catch himself and pull back before he said anything that would put her in a not so good mood. "…It's just been a long time since you've seemed this happy. It's nice."

"No, I get it." Lexa thought there was no point trying to evade the conversation anymore. Lincoln was one of her closest friends so if there was anybody she could talk to about it, it was him. "You're right, there is something starting there, but we're taking it slow."

Lincoln gave her a proud smile. "That's awesome, Lexa."

* * *

**A few days later**

Clarke knew her plan was impulsive & risky. Although the entire time she was binging it into action, all she could feel was anticipation. She knew Lexa was working from home all day, so the chances of them seeing each other were incredibly low. At Polis earlier that night, she saw all the members of Lexa's squad laughing and talking at their regular table, and even though she was surrounded by people who had over the last few weeks become really good friends, the blonde felt significantly lonely.

Being there without Lexa just didn't feel right. At that point, it had been almost twenty-four hours since she last laid eyes on the green-eyed beauty, and she was starting to feel as though she were going through withdrawals from a sheer lack of her presence.

In a moment of spontaneity, Clarke had come up with an idea, she hoped wasn't too forward. It took some arm twisting and bribing, but eventually, things fell into place and the blonde found herself riding the elevator up to the floor she desired as the nerves she should have felt an hour ago suddenly crept up on her.

Lexa knew she was in for a long night. Staring at her coffee table, case notes and witness statements covering every inch of its surface, her head started to hurt. She loved her job, but there were some downsides to it. The biggest one of all was preparing for a trial.

The case had been opened and closed over six months ago. Lexa was the lead detective who worked it day and night. To nobody's surprise, it only took her three days to solve, despite all the twists, turns & obstacles she ran into. Now, here she was, six months later recalling every step she took, every person she spoke to, every detail she could.

Sitting in her living room, lounging in pajama pants and a tank top, she removed her glasses to rub her eyes. Now was as good a time as any to take a break and maybe eat something. Lexa walked the short distance to her kitchen and opened up her freezer to grab one of the various frozen dinners she had stock piled. Just as she was ripping open the box, she was surprised to hear a light knock at her front door.

Lexa made her way to the door, the box still absentmindedly in hand. Opening her door, she was doubly shocked to find Clarke standing before her. "Clarke, hey." Lexa breathed out.

The blonde gave her a wide smile. Then her eyes trailed down to what was in her hand and her face notably fell. "Please tell me that is not your dinner." Clarke said looking to the less than appetizing box in the brunette's hand.

Lexa gave her a guilty look. "I would but I don't want to lie to you." She said honestly.

"Well, put that away. I brought you something much better." The detective then noticed the bag in the blonde's hand and her eyebrows rose. She stepped aside to let her in and closed the door behind her.

"Hang on," Lexa began curiously, "how did you know where I live?"

"Oh." Clarke suddenly felt her face flush with embarrassment. "I might have bribed Lincoln by offering to pay for his first round at Polis every day for a week." Lexa raised her eyebrows in a look that could either be discerned as astounded or seriously creeped out. "Is this okay? Should I not have done this? It's just I know you said you had to work to do and I was at the bar with everyone earlier and it felt so weird without you there and I thought, knowing you, you'd be so focused on work, that you would forget to eat so I grabbed you something you might like." Clarke took a brief pause, knowing she was rambling. The last thing she wanted was to have the woman she was falling for thinking she was a stalker of sorts. "But you probably need to concentrate…I should leave you to it."

Feeling completely embarrassed, Clarke started to make her way towards the front door, passing right by Lexa in the process. She was almost to it when she felt the detective's hand quickly grab her wrist.

"I don't want you to go." She said as green eyes met blue.

Clarke looked down at the gentle hold Lexa had on her wrist and blushed at the sudden rush of warmth that radiated through her from the contact. "You sure?" She asked quietly, glancing back up to meet the brunette's eyes. "I don't want to bother you."

"You could never bother me." The two shared a tender smile. "I'm really glad you're here. And I'm starving, I was just getting ready to take a break."

"Good."

Leading the way back to the living room, it was Lexa's turn to feel embarrassed. Not a single inch of the coffee table was visible as it was covered with case notes, files and crime scene photos.

"Sorry for the mess." She began, quickly clearing everything off and throwing it haphazardly back into the banker box she brought home with her. "I've been prepping for an upcoming trial for a case I worked a few months back."

"No worries."

* * *

**Twenty minutes later**

When Clarke started unpacking the Styrofoam boxes from the take-out bag, Lexa's curiosity was piqued. The aroma wafting through smelled different yet inviting. It wasn't until Clarke told her it was Mediterranean food that Lexa made a face. The doctor chuckled before convincing her to give it a try with a promise of ordering a pizza if she didn't like it. Lexa obliged, finding it hard to say no to her.

Clarke couldn't take her eyes off the brunette beside her. She was a vision.

As she swallowed the large bite she took, Lexa looked up and noticed the pair of beautiful blue eyes on her. "What?"

Clarke smiled. "I told you you'd like it. It's good, right?"

"You were right." The brunette conceded. "It's amazingly good."

"I can't believe you've never had Gyro's before."

"Well, I tend to stick to a more familiar cuisine."

"Then I guess I'll just have to help you branch out." Clarke countered. "If that's okay with you."

Lexa smiled back at her. "I'd like that." She held her gaze for a few seconds then returned her attention back to her food, taking an eager bite. She was so entranced by the deliciousness, that she didn't notice that some sauce had spilled off the corner of her mouth, but Clarke had.

"Wait, hang on. You got some…" with her hand, she motioned to her lip, but Lexa was oblivious. "I can…" Clarke reached over and used her thumb to gently wipe the sauce from her mouth. Lexa was mesmerized, watching and waiting to see what she what she was going to do next.

Clarke held her gaze on Lexa as she brought her thumb up to her mouth, wrapped her lips around it and licked it clean. Lexa felt her breath hitch and her heart skip in unison. Before she could process what was happening, she felt that warm surge of electricity run through her and pull her towards Clarke as if they were two magnets, the intensity increasing the closer they got to one another. Clarke must have felt it too because they met halfway and soon after, both of their lips met in a soft, chaste kiss.

The kiss didn't last long, but what it lacked in time, it more than made up for in quality. As they pulled away, neither withdrew too far, their faces remained close enough to practically hear each other's heartbeat.

"Sorry," Clarke whispered, fearing slightly that this would spook Lexa. "…was that okay?"

Lexa took a second to reply, still struggling to get her breathing under control. "…yeah." She finally let out softly and opened her eyes to meet Clarke's one more time.

* * *

**Few weeks later**

Lexa strolled through the entrance of St. Jo's emergency department feeling great. It was a day like any other, but given the person she was getting ready to see, that was enough to put her on cloud nine.

Approaching the nurse's station, the first person she recognized was Dr. Tsing. Lexa had been frequenting the hospital a lot lately and over the course of the last few weeks, she had developed a certain rapport with the woman.

"Detective. It's good to see you." Dr. Tsing said looking up from the charts in her hands and smiling at her.

"It's good to see you too." Lexa began setting a white paper bag down on the counter. "Is Clarke around?"

Dr. Tsing's grin grew to twice as big, knowing exactly why she was here. She turned to back to one of the nurses behind her. Lexa recognized her as Maya. "Maya. Can you page Dr. Griffin please?... baby Griffin." She corrected herself.

"Yes, ma'am." Maya picked up the phone & connected to the hospital's PA system. "Dr. Griffin, please report to the first-floor nurses' station. Dr. Clarke Griffin to the first-floor nurses' station, please. Thank you."

"Thank you." The detective muttered nervously, anxiously waiting for the blonde to show up.

"Surprising her with lunch?"

"Yeah. It's not too lame, is it?" Lexa wasn't sure if Clarke would be into this kind of thing and other than her sister and best friend, Dr. Tsing was probably the one person who knew Clarke well enough to offer advice. She was Clarke's mentor. "I mean, she's probably crazy busy anyway.

"Relax. She's going to love it." Weirdly enough, hearing that allowed Lexa to relax.

"Lexa?" It was amazing how that voice made her heart skip each, and every time.

Lexa turned towards the voice and saw the blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman. "Hey."

"Hi. What are you doing here?" She asked stopping just before the brunette. Lexa nervously held up the paper bag, showing the logo which Clarke recognized immediately. "You brought me lunch?"

"Yeah." Lexa replied sheepishly. "I hope this is okay."

Clarke's instinctual response was to lean in and hug her tightly. Lexa at first was caught off guard but soon relaxed in her touch. "It's definitely okay." She told her as they pulled apart.

"You sure you're not too busy?"

"Never too busy for you." Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa's free hand. "C'mon." She said pulling her towards the break room.

"We'll cover the ER for you. Take your time." Dr. Tsing called after them.

"Thanks, Lore." Clarke threw back over her shoulder just in time to see Lorelai wink at her.

Clarke brought Lexa to the Doctor's lounge just down the hall from the lab tech's office. She knew that hospital like the back of her hand and knew it would be empty, providing she and Lexa some privacy.

"So, what's on the menu?" Clarke asked taking a seat across the table from Lexa.

"Well I remembered you saying how much you loved that food truck 'Toasty Cheese', so I swung by there and picked up your favorite. A 'Chef's Choice' sandwich & 'Greek fries', right?"

Clarke watched the brunette as she unpacked the food, reading the labels and placing them out in front of them both. She was in awe of this woman who had managed to remember a tiny detail she had forgot she even mentioned to her. "Right." She continued to stare, getting lost in the detective's movements when a thought occurred to her. "Wait, that food truck is really, popular. You must have had to stand in line forever."

Lexa nodded confidently, letting a sly smirk dawn her features. "The line was crazy long. But it helps when you have a fast pass." At that. She reached around the side of her belt loop and unclipped her badge, waving it victoriously at Clarke.

"You flashed your badge just to bring me lunch? I feel so honored."

"Yeah, I got a lot of angry glares and remarks…but it was totally worth it."

Clarke and Lexa spent their lunch break falling into that easy rhythm of discussion that always befell them. There were no lulls, no awkward pauses, just light banter, recapping each other's days and telling stories of their past.

Though it barely seemed like it, their lunch hour had come and gone in the blink of an eye. They felt like they had just sat down no too long ago but before they knew it, the real world was calling both of them back. The girls stood and collected their now empty boxes and spent napkins, walking across the room and throwing them in the trash.

Clarke turned back to Lexa. "I'm really, glad I got to see you today."

"Me too."

"We should do this kind of thing more often."

"I agree." Lexa nodded. "Speaking of that, are you busy tomorrow night?"

Clarke's eyes narrowed, wondering where the brunette was going with this. "I get off from work at 5. Why?"

Lexa silently took a deep breath before continuing. "The Shakespeare Theater at Navy Pier is showing 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'. It's one of my favorite's and I got two tickets. Is there any chance you'd want to go with me?" Lexa scanned the blonde, unsure of which way she was leaning towards. Immediately she wanted to take it back, afraid she had just embarrassed herself. "… Unless Shakespeare's not your thing, I know most people find it boring-"

"Lexa." Clarke interrupted wanting to ease her worry. She thought it was beyond cute that the normally stoic and tough detective before her was now nervous and rambling "I'd love to go with you."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. What time?"

It took all of Lexa's strength to fight off the full beaming smile that wanted to creep up onto her face, so ecstatic that Clarke had said yes. "The show starts at 8. How 'bout I pick you up at around 7?"

"Sounds perfect. I can't wait."

"Neither can I." Lexa nodded and awkwardly made her way towards the break room door. "So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"You will. Bye."

* * *

The next night, Lexa picked Clarke up at her apartment at 7 o'clock on the dot. The first thing she noticed was she looked absolutely stunning standing before her in a white V-neck blouse, black skinny jeans and a dark jacket with heels to match. Lexa was so used to seeing her in scrubs or dressed down casually after a long day of work, it took her a minute to process this whole new level of gorgeousness.

The entire evening was perfect. On the drive over, Lexa told Clarke why this particular production was her favorite and that led her to randomly share stories of life under her sister's care. Clarke listened wholeheartedly, taking pleasure in the fact that Lexa was letting her walls down around her.

Clarke enjoyed herself. Most of that could be attributed, however, to who she was accompanying. Normally, she took pleasure in attending the theater, symphony or any form of the performing arts, but tonight, her focus remained on the brunette next to her. Lexa was so enthralled with every second of the act, it was like she was hypnotized. Clarke couldn't help but steal glances in her direction, mentally noting how adorable she was relishing in something she loved.

After the show, they went to dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant that Clarke once told her she loved because they had the best garlic knots she'd ever had. Clarke watched adoringly as Lexa recapped her favorite scenes and moments. The discussed their desire to attend more events like that and all other adventures they hoped to share with one another.

Lexa drove her back home, but given it was a Friday night, parking on her block was less than ideal. It was perfect, though, since it gave the brunette an excuse to walk her to the door. They each got a sense of Déjà vu as they climbed the steps, thinking back to the last time they stood there together. Clarke couldn't blame alcohol or poor judgement this time, but the more she thought about it, she didn't want to. Over the last few weeks of them spending time together, they had shared a kiss here or there and even held hands (on occasion when they would hang out alone at each other's apartment watching movies on the couch). Clarke made the conscious decision to risk it. Everything about their night felt as if they were sharing a first date, so a goodnight kiss on the doorstep before they parted ways seemed fitting.

"I had a really great time with you tonight. Thanks for inviting me." Clarke offered to cut any pending awkward silence.

"Thanks for joining me." Lexa replied. "I had fun too."

It was now or never Clarke told herself. With more tenderness than she had used during her first attempt, Clarke reached out her hand to cup the side of Lexa's face, running her thumb across her cheek. She took a beat to study the green eyes of the detective, offering her a moment to object. When none came, Clarke slowly leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa's. The second they made contact, they each felt the flood of warmth and electricity spark like nothing before. Clarke was surprised when Lexa stepped forward, deepening the kiss, placing her hands on the blonde's hips to pull her closer. There was little Clarke could do to stifle the soft moan that made its way to her throat.

It was longer than they expected before they reluctantly pulled away, needing to catch their breaths. Clarke had to bite her bottom lip to prevent her smile from reaching the beam it was desperate to release.

"Goodnight Lexa."

"Goodnight Clarke."

They shared one last look at one another before Clarke disappeared behind the door to head upstairs into her apartment, fighting every impulse she had to invite the other girl up with her, but she thought it best to leave her wanting more. Lexa watched after her, an act she found herself doing a lot lately. Once Clarke was safely inside, Lexa began the walk back to her car.

Walking down the block, she brought her hand up to her smiling lips, still feeling the blonde's contact. There was no specific way to describe the level of euphoria that was coursing through every inch of her. She hadn't been this happy in an incredibly long time. She never fell for a girl this quickly or this severely. Not even after she met…Costia.

As the thoughts of her late girlfriend flashed through her mind, Lexa stopped dead in her tracks, her face falling dramatically. Costia. Her first love. The woman whose life was taken from her far too young and savagely all because she was in love with a cop. The guilt from long ago crept back up in Lexa and sent her stomach into a free fall. Forcing her legs to cooperate, she continued down the street to her car. Like some sadistic home video, memories of Costia danced across her eyes, cut with images of finding her body. It was stuck on an endless loop that she couldn't stop no matter how hard she tried.

Breathing became a struggle as she fumbled with her keys to unlock the driver side door. Slipping into the seat and closing the door, she was hit with the residual scent of Clarke's perfume. It was then that the memories where altered, so when she stood in that lot beneath the overpass, looking down it wasn't Costia's bruised and bloodied face staring back up at her, it was Clarke's.

Lexa shut her eyes tightly, throwing her head back on the headrest, gripping the wheel forcefully until her knuckles began turning white. She took several deep breaths, trying to keep her tears at bay, knowing that if she permitted them to fall, it'd be opening the flood gates. She couldn't let anything happen to Clarke.

She knew it was ridiculous and unrealistic, but the fear in herself amplified, clouded her judgement and sound thinking. It was all so overwhelming, the nagging and persistent terror and anxiety over something that hasn't even happened yet and very well may never happen. Even though nothing happened, who's to say she wouldn't one day leave? That's what the people who she allowed herself to care for eventually did, whether it was by their own volition or not. Her parents, for example.

At this point, the best thing she could do for the both of them was to walk away before they got even more attached and it became too late to turn back. Lexa was going to hate herself for it, knew Clarke would hate her for it too, but it was a price she had to pay if she wanted to protect the doctor from the cursed life that seemed to shadow Detective Lexa Carey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked that. Let me know. Thanks for those who are still reading!


	6. Where Do You Run When You're Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is depressed. Raven makes threats. And Lincoln is the voice of reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took a long time for me to post the last chapter so I wanted to post this one ASAP to make up for it. Enjoy!

**Two Weeks Later – Clarke's Apartment**

Raven slipped her key into the door of her sister's apartment. The irritation she had been feeling an hour ago had since turned to worry. It wasn't like Clarke to bail on her for anything without calling or shooting her a quick text to let her know, so when she stood her up at the gym that morning, Raven wanted to make sure she was alright. Hearing the noise from the television through the door helped put her mind at ease a bit, but once she was inside, the sight she saw before her was enough to bring her irritation back in full force.

Sitting on the couch in sweatpants and a tank top was her younger sister. Wearing no makeup and her hair tied up high in a messy bun, her sad eyes were glued to the television in front of her as Ellen Pompeo ran across the screen. "Seriously?" Raven asked from her place behind the couch, anger evident in her voice. "You blew me off to watch 'Grey's Anatomy'. Do you not get enough medical drama at work?"

All Clarke could bring herself to do was glance back at the brunette, and Raven's heart damn near broke at the obvious devastation in her eyes. It was obvious that she had been crying. "That key is for emergencies." Clarke said sullenly, ignoring Raven's question.

"I texted you six times and you never showed up for our workout. As far as I know this was an emergency & even if I wasn't your very protective older sister, I am also an EMT where the E literally stands for 'emergency'. Something's wrong, it's my job to run towards it." She walked around the couch and took a seat next to her, "Looking at you…something is definitely wrong. What happened?"

Clarke felt tears threaten her eyes once again and her lip involuntarily tremble. "Why hasn't she called?"

"Lexa? She's _still_ MIA on you?" Clarke nodded sadly. "How long has it been?"

"Fifteen days."

Raven's anger was now redirected to a certain female detective. "Oh she has some explaining to do."

"Did I do something? Maybe I upset her or offended her or…I don't know…" Clarke didn't even have the energy to hide the desperation in her voice.

"I doubt you did anything, but in the off chance that you did, she should, at least, have the balls to tell you."

A tear began to slowly slide down Clarke's cheek. "What's wrong with me Rae?" She said, her voice breaking.

Raven felt for her sister. "Nothing." She said trying to comfort her.

"For the first time in…I don't know how long, I find someone I genuinely like, who I _thought_ liked me. Things were going so well, then…"

"I didn't know things with you two were getting so serious."

"I felt like we could have been. I wanted it to. And I thought she felt the same way."

Raven made a mental note to make good on the threat she made to Lexa if she ever did anything to hurt her baby sister. She didn't care if she was an experienced officer of the law, she was going to beat this girl's ass. "You know what? If she's dumb enough to treat you like this then she's not worth another second of your time…or your tears." Clarke leaned over and placed her head on Raven's shoulder. Raven responded by wrapping her arm around her, and pulling her closer. "Look, I know it hurts right now, but give it time. It sucks. Best thing you can do right now is to just try to move on."

"I don't think it's going to be that easy this time."

* * *

**The Next Day**

Raven sat in the driver seat of her ambulance waiting for Octavia. She had her phone in her lap typing encouraging words to her still depressed sister, trying to make sure she would be okay. Knowing how much she was hurting sent an uneasy feeling through the paramedic. All their lives, she was the tough older sister, fiercely loyal and protective. No matter who or what hurt Clarke, Raven knew how to make it better, but she had never seen her this bad before. This was new territory.

"What do you want to do for lunch?" Octavia asked as she climbed into the passenger side and turned to face her partner whose focus was glued to her phone.

"You pick. I don't care." Raven said aggravated, putting her phone into her jacket pocket.

"You alright?"

" _I'm_ fine. My sister, not so much?"

Octavia let her face fall into a frown. "What's up with Clarke?"

"Apparently Lexa's been blowing her off for the past two weeks. She's so depressed I found her lounging in her sweats binge-watching Netflix. And not in a good way."

Octavia was confused. "I thought things were going well with them. They seemed to be having a good time whenever we all go out and Lincoln says when they're at work Lexa lights up whenever Clarke calls or texts her."

"So then what went wrong?" Raven all but yelled. "Clarke really cares about her, but if Lexa is gonna just play with her I don't want her to waste her time."

Octavia reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. "I'll text Lincoln. Press him for info." She wanted to get to the bottom of this too.

Raven shook her head. "Nah, screw that. Call him. Have him meet us at that diner on North Cicero. And tell him to bring Wick."

"Alright." Octavia pulled up her recent contacts list and hit the green call button by her boyfriend's name. With the phone to her ear, she heard the ringing tones on the other end and turned to Raven. "Guess we decided on where to go for lunch then."

Lincoln and Wick were walking down the street downtown heading back to their car and going over the details of the conversation they just had with a possible witness to the case they were assisting on, when Lincoln felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He smiled when the caller ID showed it was Octavia along with a picture of her he had assigned to her contact. "Hey babe. How's your day?"

"It _was_ going well until I heard something that truly upset me."

Lincoln suddenly frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'd rather talk in person. You busy?"

"Just finished running down a lead. You wanna meet up?"

"Yeah. Meet us at McNally's Diner on North Cicero. Wick's with you right?"

Lincoln glanced over at his partner, wondering why Octavia cared if Wick was with him or not. "Yeah." He said skeptically, forcing Wick to looked dumbfounded as well.

"Good. Bring him. See you in five." Octavia promptly ended the call and turned to her partner. "They _do_ have great fries, there." She stated with a devilish smile.

Raven smiled back and rolled her eyes. "Let's go." She started up the rig and pulled out of the lot, falling in with the light afternoon traffic.

* * *

As Lincoln and Wick enter the diner, they head straight to the table their girls were at sitting across from one another. Lincoln took his seat next to Octavia, kissing her on the cheek as he did so. "Hey babe."

"Hey." Octavia replied kissing him back. Wick slid in next to Raven.

"Raven."

"Wick." Once their greetings had been exchanged, the two share a flirtatious smile.

Lincoln looked back and forth between the girls, curious as hell why the two of them asked them to meet. "So…are we in trouble for something?"

"Not yet." Raven said sternly. Giving O's boyfriend a serious and dead stare. Lincoln had seen many terrifying things in his days, but over the years he had learned that nothing held a candle to the fury & wrath that could come from Raven Reyes-Griffin.

Wick glanced across the table at Lincoln and they both exchanged a somewhat scared expression. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Raven held her gaze at Lincoln. "What's up with your partner?" At that, Lincoln raised his eyebrows questioningly at the guy across from him. The brunette noticed their looks and set them straight. "Not him. Lexa."

"What about Lexa?" He shrugged.

"I'm talking about the fact that she's been blowing off my baby sister and causing her to go into a Nicholas Sparks level depression. And let me tell you, for her…that is bad."

"She hasn't said anything to us." Came Wick.

"Yeah." Lincoln added. "As far as we know, all is good on that front."

Octavia shook her head and eyed her boyfriend. "According to Clarke, it's not."

"She hasn't texted or called her back."

"Complete radio silence."

Lincoln was shocked to hear that. It didn't sound like the Lexa he knew at all. "How long has it been?"

"A little over two weeks." Raven said.

Wick was surprised as well. "I had no idea." He looked up to his partner. "Aside from Bellamy, you're closest to her. Have you noticed anything?"

Lincoln shook his head, wracking his mind trying to remember if anything about Lexa's demeanor had been off in the last few days. "She has been a little quiet lately, but I didn't think anything of it. I'll talk to her, but, I mean…it's Lexa. I doubt there's anything I can say to her to get her to open up."

"Well, you better." Octavia chided. "Because from now on, if Clarke's depressed, you're cut off."

"You both are." Raven said to Wick. Their 'relationship' was still fairly new. They hadn't exactly labeled it yet, but Wick hoping like hell the two of them could explore things further. However, this latest development would definitely not help move things along.

"WHAT?!" The detectives nearly screamed together.

"Hang on," Wick tried to contest. "that's not entirely fair."

"Neither is the fact that my baby sister has a broken heart while everyone around her is out getting paired off. So either fix it, or get fixed."

"We're serious." Octavia added, and the two girls held their glares at each of them, so they knew they meant business.

* * *

**Precinct – A Few Hours Later**

Lexa was sitting at her desk writing out everything she could about her involvement in the drug bust murder case from the 14th precinct. It had taken a few days, but they were eventually able to solve the case and had arrested the killer less than two hours ago. Most of the other detectives she worked with had clocked out about an hour ago, but she stayed behind to finish the report so she wouldn't have to do it later. Besides her, Miller, Lincoln and Sgt. Byrne were the only ones left. The bullpen looked a hell of a lot different at night. The only lights that were on were the ones from the lamps that sat on Lexa's & Miller's desks.

Just as she had typed out the last sentence on her report, Lincoln emerged from the locker room and set his bag on his desk, grabbing his jacket and few other things before leaving for the day. "Yo Lex." He yelled from his side of the room. "How about we call it a day and you come grab a drink with me. I need to talk to you."

Lexa glanced up from her computer and looked at him curiously. "Uh…okay." Right away she knew something had to be up with him. They were close and would vent to one another on occasion, but this time seemed different. Lexa shut off her computer and lamp, grabbed her bag from underneath her desk pulled her jacket from the back of her chair meeting her teammate at the steps to head downstairs.

* * *

**Twenty minutes later**

The two of them didn't go to Polis this time. Lincoln wanted to talk to her alone. He knew getting Lexa to open up was going to be a difficult task all on its own, and being surrounded by a bunch of cops and friends would make it damn near impossible. The place he chose was a small little hole in the wall dive bar with only a few occupants, the perfect venue for a heart-to-heart with someone as guarded as she was.

"What's going on with you?" Lincoln asked. He figured the best approach was to just cut to the chase & come out and say it.

Lexa shrugged and shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"You've been avoiding Clarke. Cancelling plans, not answering your phone."

The brunette squinted her eyes and tilted her head to the side showing her confusion. "How do you even kn-…" She cut herself off in realization, making the six degrees of separation and connecting the dots of the rumor mill. "Clarke to Raven to Octavia to you." All she could do was shake her head and roll her eyes. So much for privacy.

"Yup. And now Octavia is holding out on me until I knock some sense into you." He watched as Lexa averted her gaze. It was obvious that she did not want to talk about this, but wasn't going to let her get away that easy. "Look, Lex, you and I have always been close. Ever since the day you came to live with us, you've been like a sister to me, and it stayed that way even after Anya got custody. We tell each other pretty much everything."

That was definitely true. After Lexa's father was run out of town by Indra, it was discovered that neither of her parents legalized their living will to grant custody to Indra if anything were to happen with them. Nothing could be done, so Lexa was forced to go into the foster system until Anya could get the paperwork filed. Out of all of the homes she was bounced around to in the eighteen months she was in the system, the best one by far was when she placed with Lincoln and his parents. They were genuinely nice people and treated her well, even letting Anya visit as often as she could. Lincoln became the older brother she never had. He was protective and caring. The two were fast friends. She only lived with them for about four months (the longest she stayed anywhere), when Anya finally was approved to become her legal guardian. Though, even after she went to live with her sister, she and Lincoln were still very close. They had even shared a desire to join the police force. Given that he was two years older, Lincoln was the first to go through the academy. And as soon as she turned 18, Lexa was right behind him.

"I try not to pry when it comes to your love life," He continued. "But now even I'm wondering what the hell went wrong. You & Clarke seemed to be… solid. It seemed like there was something there."

"There was." Lexa said still avoiding looking at him.

"So why have you been icing her out?" The brunette didn't say anything. "C'mon. Talk to me Lex. I thought you liked her."

"I did." She shrugged. "I do."

"So, what was the problem?"

" _That_ _was_ the problem." Lexa snapped. She didn't have the energy to hold it all inside anymore, and Lincoln was her brother for all intents and purposes, he was the best person to talk to about what was going on in her head. He would get it. "I like her. I have feelings for her. But being with me doesn't exactly pan out so well. So, I decided to end it before it even started."

Lincoln nodded, understanding perfectly. "And how's that working out for you?"

"Not too great."

"Does this have to do with Costia?" Lexa closed her eyes, feeling that same pang in her chest as she often did when her name was mentioned. Lincoln caught that and he hated to see her so hurt, but he had to speak his peace, hoping, for her sake, he could help his surrogate sister find her second chance. "Look, I know what happened with her was life shattering, and pulling yourself back from that felt like a damn near impossible feat, but you did it. And now, three years later you meet someone, you connect. You don't just walk away from that."

"It's not just that." She said dejectedly. "It's the job. Cops & relationships don't always work." Thinking back to her parents, she had had a front row seat to that notion.

"They can. Look at Octavia & me. You're right, more times than not, cops have a hard time maintaining a relationship due to stress of the job, but that doesn't mean you avoid relationships all together."

"I just don't know Linc. All I can think about is what happened with Costia, or how my parents ended up. I can't help but wonder…am I going to end up like my father?" Lexa shook her head, trying to get that horrible image out of her mind. "The last thing I want is to end up some bitter, drunken mess because the woman I love left me... or worse, was taken from me."

"That's not going to happen." Lincoln sounded so sure of himself.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do." He waited for Lexa to look up at him and meet his gaze. "Because you have something your father didn't have. You've got a big sister that would move heaven and earth to make sure you get the life you deserve." Lincoln put his hand on his chest. "You've got a big brother who's got your back, no matter what. You have a shit ton of friends with access to firearms." They both let out a small, much needed chuckle to break the tension. "And you've also got Clarke. I've known that girl quite some time, now and I have never seen her care about anyone the way she cares about you. I think that if you give it a chance, she could make you genuinely happy. You just need to go for it."

Lexa let his words simmer on her mind for a little while. He had a point, there were so many people in her life that wanted the best for her and to see her succeed. Maybe it was time she stopped holding back and closing herself off & finally let herself be happy. It was time for her to stop running.

Lincoln paid the bill for their drinks and the two parted ways outside the bar. He offered her a ride home since she left her car at the precinct, but she declined, stating she wanted to walk and clear her head. Walking the streets of the city she's lived in for most of her life, all she could think about was a certain blonde doctor. Clarke had taken her by surprise since the second she met her. Every time she was near her, hell even thought about her, Lexa's heart began to pound in her chest and she could feel the butterflies in her stomach. Maybe it was time to let herself have a life outside of work, to let herself be happy.

She had been walking around town for just over an hour, when Lexa had found herself in front of a very familiar building. Looking up at it, she took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do.

* * *

**Cause Every Time I Run, I Run to You**

**Same Night – Clarke's Apartment**

Clarke was somewhat startled to hear the knock at her door. She barely spoke to any of her neighbors and she knew her sister was out with Wick, so she had no idea who could be there so late. It was times like this, she wished she had accepted Marcus' offer to buy her a gun when she got her own place. Standing in front of the door, Clarke stood on her tip toes to see through the peephole and was met with a sight she never expected. On the other side of the door stood the cause of her recent depressive state.

The blonde hated that there was nothing she could do to stop the sudden fast pace in which her heart was beating. Being as quiet as she could, she quickly turned to the mirror at the entryway table to make sure she was, at the very least, decent. She then turned back to the door and opened it. "Hey." Clarke said deadpanned, not wanting the brunette to know the effect she could have on her demeanor after only knowing each other for a short period of time.

Lexa took a second to inhale. Once Clarke opened the door, all air escaped her lungs as she taken aback at how gorgeous she was without even trying. Her hair was still tied up in a messy bun that sat atop her head and she was wearing a simple combo of sweats and a tank top. Absolutely stunning. "Sorry to just show up unannounced. But I really need to talk to you."

"Y'know, you haven't exactly seemed like you wanted to talk to me the last few days." The subtle iciness in her tone did not go unnoticed.

"I know, and that's why I'm here." Clarke thought it over for a second, curious about what she could possibly have to say, before arriving to the conclusion that whatever Lexa to talk about, she definitely wanted to hear it. She stepped aside, opening the door a little wider, silently giving her permission to enter.

Clarke closed the door behind the brunette and turned to face her. Seeing the nervousness on her face, Clarke decided to speak first. "Look, if I did or said something to make you upset with me, I just need you to tell me."

"No, _you_ didn't do anything." Lexa pleaded trying to ensure her.

"Well, I must have, because you've been blowing me off for over a week." She folded her arms over her chest. "I thought we were getting closer. We were having fun hanging out."

Lexa could see the pain on her face and hated the fact that she caused it. "We were. I was." She took a deep breath before continuing. "The more time I spent with you, the more I started to realize…I was falling for you." Clarke looked surprised. She never thought she'd hear her say that out loud. "But then, I got scared."

Clarke shook her head confused. "Of me?"

"Of everything. I've only ever felt this way about a person once before and…that didn't end well. I was scared that something like that might happen again. My job, means that there will always be people like John Murphy or Atom Ward who will always want to get back at me and if they knew what you mean to me, that would put you in danger which is the last thing I want."

Clarke unfolded arms and took a few steps closer to her, grabbing Lexa's hands in her own. "So why couldn't you just tell me that? Did you not trust me enough to tell me what you were feeling?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that." Lexa allowed herself to relax at Clarke's touch, having missed the feeling of having her hands in hers. "I know I handled it wrong but I promise you I wasn't trying to hurt you. But I also knew that if we started something, there is a big chance that it wouldn't work. I walk into that precinct each morning and for every ten cops I walk past, only one of them are in a stable relationship. Being a cop only makes being in a committed relationship that much harder and it almost always ends badly, I mean just look at my parents."

"And what about my parents? My mom & Marcus love each other. They're happy together."

"They're lucky. But looking back on my life, I've never been lucky."

Clarke gave Lexa's hands a reassuring squeeze and led her to the living room, pulling her down to sit on the couch with her. She sat close, turning their bodies to face each other as their knees touched.

"I can only imagine what it was like to go through everything you have," Clarke began, "and I know losing Costia was traumatic. I wish I could make that pain go away for you. But the best I can do is promise you that I'm not going anywhere. You're an amazing cop & I love that about you. And no amount of crazed serial killers out to get you, is going to scare me away." Lexa nodded and averted her gaze for a moment, but brought it back as she continued. "Look, I'm just going to be totally straight up with you. I like you. I've been completely falling for you since the second we met. And I just want us to be together, I want this to work. And I'm hoping you want that too. But in order for that to happen, we need to be honest with each other. There is nothing you can't tell me. Whatever fears or feelings you have, you can trust me enough to tell me. You can trust that you can confide in me & that I'll understand. I _will_ understand…because I care about you."

Lexa could feel a lump forming in her throat as tears threatened to break through. "I care about you too." Looking into the blonde's eyes, everything she had been feeling the last few days disappeared and had been replaced with something she couldn't explain. Given that it was a good feeling; she wasn't too concerned with what is was at the moment. "I do trust you, Clarke."

Clarke reached over and gently placed her hand on Lexa's knee and leaned in closer to her. "I know how hard that is for you."

The two of them sat there, staring into each other's eyes, getting lost in them. Neither spoke a word, but nothing needed to be said. The energy between them seemed almost magnetic, as they each slowly leaned in, closing the distance between them. Each of their gazes kept shifting, dancing between the others eyes and lips until finally their mouths connected in a soft and gentle kiss.

They broke away after a few seconds, but neither pulled back too far. Each of them reading to other trying to gauge what they were thinking. Both of them must have had the same mindset because within seconds, their lips crashed together once again, this time more forcefully and passionately. Clarke was the first to part her lips, wanting desperately to feel Lexa's tongue on her own. Lexa happily obliged. Moving her hands to her waist, Lexa pulled Clarke closer until the blonde was now on top of her, straddling her lap.

Both were panting heavily, only ever breaking their contact for a split second to gasp for air and then return to the other's lips. Clarke knew Lexa was too polite to advance the situation any further, so she took it upon herself to take the lead. She leaned back and pulled off her tank top, discarding it somewhere in the living room. She then moved her hands to cup Lexa's cheeks, slowly sliding them down her neck and over her collar bone, finding the buttons on her shirt to undo them. The brunette brought her hands up to meet them in an effort to speed up the process.

As every button was removed, Clarke helped her peel her shirt off and let it join hers somewhere on the floor. "Are you sure about this?" Lexa pulled away to ask, not wanting to seem like she was moving too fast or taking advantage.

Clarke gazed into her gorgeous green eyes that she would never get tired of looking at. "I am if you are."

The brunette smirked and nodded. "I am."

Clarke returned the smile in full force. "Good." She said and placed another kiss on the detective's lips. "So how about we move this to the bedroom?" She suggested. That was all Lexa needed to hear. She moved her hands down to Clarke's thighs and made sure she had a good hold on her before she stood up.

Clarke let out an excited squeal at the sudden action and quickly wrapped her legs around the brunette's waist and her arms around her shoulders to hold herself in place, letting her hands tangle in the brown locks. Lexa carried her to the bedroom, and the two of them spent the evening reconnecting and making up for lost time.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you guys liked that. It might take me a while to get the next few chapters out so please be patient w/ me. Thanks for reading though.


	7. Since You've Been Next To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa's morning after. The Intelligence team gets a new assignment. Raven gives some sisterly advice & Clexa have dinner followed by another talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter out. The holiday's had me stretched pretty thin this year. I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me this far. This chapter is mainly just fluff.

 

**Ch. 7 – Since You've Been Next to Me**

**Next morning**

Clarke was still in shock. It was just this time the day before; she was beside herself with dejection, wondering if she would ever get the chance to further explore the palpable connection she felt with the woman who was now sound asleep beside her.

Laying on her side with her head propped up in her hand by her elbow as it rested on the pillow, Clarke gazed lovingly at the gorgeous brunette that was sound asleep next to her. She wanted so desperately to reach over and gently stroke her arm or cheek, some form of physical affection to confirm her presence, still not entirely convinced that the night they had just shared was real and not some incredibly vivid dream. Clarke kept her hands to herself though, fearing any form of contact would wake her and the detective looked so serene, she just couldn't bring herself to do so.

Just then, the blonde had become surprised for the second time in less than twelve hours by a sound that made her heart skip several times over.

"You know, normally someone staring at me while I sleep would really creep me out." Came Lexa's gentle voice, eyes still closed, having not moved a muscle.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows in both shock and confusion. She tried to hold back the grin that was slowly creeping onto her face. "How did y-"

"Call it a sixth sense." Lexa interjected. "It's a cop thing."

"Well I'm not staring at you, I'm gazing. There's a difference." At that, Lexa finally opened her eyes and looked at Clarke. They both started smiling, then laughing.

"You're really beautiful in the morning." Lexa spoke softly as their laughter died down. It was the honest truth. Clarke looked absolutely, stunning in the subtle glow of sunlight as it broke through a slit in the curtains and thinly illuminated the room.

Clarke feigned offense. "And I'm not during the rest of the day?"

"That's not what I meant. You're always beautiful, I've just…never seen you like this."

"I know what you meant. I was just messing with you." Clarke's gaze landed on Lexa's lips and she suddenly felt herself yearning for them once again. She slowly leaned forward to capture them, only to have Lexa shy away.

"No, I have morning breath." Lexa said with a nervous smile, embarrassment flooding her tone.

Clarke smirked at her and shook her head. "I don't care." She leaned in again, but this time, the blonde was met with the soft lips she'd craved. Soon enough, their kiss deepened, and they were well on their way to picking right up where they left off the night before.

Unfortunately, however, the two were soon broken out of their trance by the piercing sound of Lexa's phone ringing on the bedside table. Grudgingly, she pulled away from Clarke, letting out an audible groan at her irritation and rolled over to check the caller id.

"It's work." Lexa told her leaning back and sliding the green icon across the screen to answer the call. "Detective Carey." She said donning a somewhat authoritative cop voice. That tone in combination with her official title caused Clarke to smile almost childishly. "Copy that. I'll be right there." As she ended the call, she turned to Clarke with an apologetic look. "I need to get to the precinct."

With the greatest reluctance, Lexa pulled the covers off of her and left the comfort of the bed, wearing nothing but her bra and panties as she began the search for the rest of her clothing.

"That's okay." Clarke said reassuring her, pushing herself up to lean back against the headboard. A part of her knew she should be the least bit upset, but she couldn't. Not at this captivating and irresistible woman in her room, with whom she just spent an incredible evening. She wasn't upset in the slightest because she knew right then and there, this was just the beginning.

"Well, I was hoping you and I could spend some more time together," the detective said finding her jeans and taking a seat at the edge of the bed to put them back on. "Now I just feel like I'm walking out on you."

"It's fine. Duty calls, I get that. And we can still spend some more time together. How about you come back over tonight when you're done doing whatever you need to do?"

"Yeah?" Lexa asked turning back to meet her eyes.

Clarke smiled at her. "Absolutely. We can have dinner."

"Then I'll bring us some wine."

"It's a date." Clarke declared.

At that, it was Lexa's turn to smile. "You mean, like…our first date…?" She asked finding her tank top on the other side of the room and picking it up.

Clarke blushed, but with a sudden wave of confidence, held her gaze on the green eyes staring back at her. "Are you okay with that?"

Lexa finished pulling her tank top and met Clarke on the side of the bed she was still currently occupying. "Definitely." She said leaning down to kiss her. Once again, it begins to deepen, but Lexa pulls away feeling the pull of occupational obligation. "Okay. If I don't leave now, I never will." She told the blonde between lip pecks.

"I'll walk you out." Clarke offered getting out of bed and throwing on a random t-shirt on the floor and following Lexa towards the living room where the brunette found her purple button up that was discarded haphazardly as things between the two women reached its inevitable head. "So, I will see you tonight."

"You will." Lexa nodded, giving her one more kiss as she stood in the doorway ready to leave.

"Have a good day."

"Will do." With a final kiss, the two parted and Lexa made her way down the hall of the young doctor's floor. Clarke watched her leave out of habit and closed the door, leaning against it smiling while her mind happily replayed the events of last night, opting not to recall the dispiriting moments before Lexa had arrived.

* * *

**26th Precinct**

Lexa didn't have time to go home and change after leaving Clarke's and silently thanked her past self for having the forethought to keep a few spare items of clothing in her locker at work. Now her next step was to make it into the locker room without being noticed by anybody from her team that could recognize her in the outfit she was wearing when she left the night before.

It was early on a Saturday afternoon, which meant the first shift had already gotten their assigned cars and left for their beats, so the detective decided to come in the back entrance and use the emergency stairwell up to her floor as it opened up right next to the locker room.

She breathed a sigh of relief once she made it inside undetected… or so she thought.

"Oh my god! You have walk of shame written all over you." Came Gina from the opposite end of the row as she approached her own locker across from Lexa's.

"What are you talking about?" She asked avoiding eye contact, pretending she was clueless.

"You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Meaning you didn't sleep at home last night."

Lexa shrugged. "So what if I didn't?"

"How was she?"

Lexa turned around and met the eyes of one of her best friends, looking at her incredulously. "Yeah…I'm going to pretend you didn't just ask me that." She said turning back around to change out her shirt.

"Fine, then." Gina relented. " _Who_ was she?" After a beat of silence, she took her best guess. "Was it Clarke?" Taking a quick glance behind her, she saw Lexa blush and take a quick pause that would have been damn near undetectable to anyone but her. "Wait, it was Clarke? Seriously?"

"Yes." Lexa confirmed after a beat and an eye-roll at her persistence. "I was at Clarke's last night."

"…And?"

"And we talked." Gina looked at her expectantly, knowing that wasn't all that happened. "And then we stopped talking."

Gina quickly clapped her hands over her mouth, though not quickly enough to prevent the squeal/scream that came from it. "Hang on, so are you guys, like…together?"

"Kind of, I guess." Lexa stared off, taking a moment to think about it. "It's looking that way, yeah."

"That's amazing!"

"Can you keep your voice down please?" Lexa pleaded. Thought they were the only two women in the room, hell the entire floor, Lexa wasn't one who liked to have her personal business become public knowledge. Especially given who Clarke was.

"I'm sorry but this is amazing. You guys are so cute together. And it's been a long time coming."

"Yeah it has." Lexa smiled to herself. "I'm actually going back over there later, once we're done with whatever the hell they called us in here for? Speaking of which, do you know what's going on?"

Gina shook her head. "I have no idea. But, seriously though, Lex… I'm happy for you. Clarke's one of the good ones."

"I know she is."

Lexa was brought out of her moment by a banging on the door which was soon followed by the sound of Miller's voice screaming in blindly from the doorway.

"YO! PARADE ROOM ASAP!"

* * *

**Precinct – Parade Room**

The Parade Room was the precinct conference room that fit about fifty people at once. It was where all officers and detectives met before each shift to get briefed on the day (or night) ahead. The room was lined with rows of tables in a classroom style with an aisle in the middle all facing the head table in the front where the higher ups in white shirts usually sat. In the front, off to the side, sat a podium with the official department seal printed on the front for special case briefings.

Lexa & Gina joined the rest of their team who sat off on one side of the room while several detectives from another unit sat together on the opposite side across the aisle like two families separated at a wedding. Lexa recognized the other detectives as that of the drug unit. In the informal hierarchy of the 26th precinct, the drug unit was always one rung below Intelligence, falling short of every feat they seemed to compete in.

Quietly, Lexa took the seat next to Bellamy as she locked eyes with Detective John Mbege, someone they both went through the academy with and could not stand, with his superior attitude. "What's going on?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"Drug Unit's working a case. They pitched a joint operation to Byrne & Porter." Bellamy replied matching her tone.

Lexa gave a smug smirk. "Ah, so they want our help."

"Of course they do." Came Wick from the row behind them sitting in between Lincoln & Miller. "We're the ones with a 98% case clearance rate." Wick held his hand out blindly to his right and awaited the slap he got from Miller's hand like they had done so many times before while bragging about one thing or the other. The rest of their team couldn't help but roll their eyes at their predictable antics.

"I just hope this means we have something to do." Said Bellamy. "It's been way too slow the last few weeks."

Lexa shook her head, yet agreed with him. "I know. I've been so bored I've actually started hoping people go on mad killing spree's."

"That's a little weird." Gina retorted from Lexa's right.

"Well that's what happens when all crime seems to come to a halt." Lexa didn't even try to hold back her irritation.

"Psst! Hey!" She heard come from behind her and turned to face Lincoln, leaning back to keep their convo relatively private. "You think more about our talk last night?"

"Yeah." The brunette wanted to give him a bit more to ease the worry he was sure feeling for his surrogate baby sister after they went their separate ways, but it was at that moment that Captain Porter, Sergeant Byrne, the precinct Chief Sindri, his secretary and Sergeant Denby, head of the Drug Unit entered the room and all took their seats at the table up front. "We'll talk after this."

"Thank you all for coming in on your day off." Chief Sindri began, scanning the room, eyes landing momentarily on each of the detectives in the room. "I'll get right to it. For the last five months, the Drug Unit has been conducting a surveillance operation on an organization who call themselves 'Sankru'. Our intel says they originated from across the border just south of El Paso, but have been expanding their influences to parts of Texas and have now set up shop here. They seem to have their hands in just about everything, but their main trade is in drug-running and heavy arms dealing. We also received word that they have connections to a cartel that have been supplying them with a special kind of bullet. These new rounds have been manufactured, specifically, to pierce police armor and cause the most damage."

Sgt. Denby, took over, standing to assert his dominance over not only his team, but Intelligence as well. At the same time, the Chief's secretary stood and began walking around the room handing out case files to all the Intelligence Detectives.

"So far, none of these bullets have hit the streets. We had a detective working undercover with the 'Sankru' to provide us intel on when and where the shipment of drugs arrives. It was then he learned that it's not just the drugs, but the weapons and bullets were set to arrive along with them. We were getting ready to move in, but at the last minute, things changed. We think they may have realized we were on to them and got spooked."

The Chief leaned forward in his seat and clasped his hands together on the table. "The Intelligence Unit has executed these types of situations several times before. So, I wanted you brought in on this seeing as you have the most experience. Now, if it's alright with you, we'd like to place one of you undercover alongside the detective that's already on the inside for extra protection and to gather more intel."

"And what will the rest of us be doing?" Lexa asked flipping through case file. While the rest of her team may have been hesitant to be the first to speak their Chief without being addressed first, she was not encumbered by such reservations.

"Surveillance mostly." Denby offered. "They operate out of several locations simultaneously so that if they're ever raided, we can't place the contraband with the money. The more people we have watching all locations, the easier it will be to get warrants when we're ready to move in on them."

"I'll do it." Miller spoke up a little too eagerly causing everyone in the room to look back at him.

"Are you sure, detective?" The Chief asked. "Have you ever worked undercover before?"

"I did an eighteen month operation a few years back. Everybody involved thinks that after the bust, I was extradited to New York for outstanding warrants & that I'm currently doing time in 'Rikers', so my cover is still intact."

Sindri turned towards Byrne. "Sgt. Byrne? Any objections?"

"No, sir." Byrne replied as stoic and straight-laced as ever. "Detective Miller can handle it."

He turned to the head of the Drug Squad next. "Denby?"

"Not at all. Starting Monday we'll further brief all of you and go into more specifics. And Miller, we can get you in to see our tech guy to get you fitted for some wires, implant a tracker, get you a new phone, the works."

"No." Miller stated simply as if he wasn't speaking to, and in front of, a superior officer.

Denby looked at him in pure confusion. "No?" He asked, thinking he misheard him.

"No," Miller continued. "We'll be using our tech guy. Monty Green, he's a specialist from TARU. He's solid and we trust him & his equipment." Upon hearing his declaration, the rest of the team caught on to where he was going and fell in line adapting their usual manner of bouncing statements off one another.

"We're also going to be using his gear for all surveillance purposes." Came Bellamy. "High-resolution cameras, long-range microphones, thermal imaging sensors, everything we need."

"Yeah," Wick offered. "Because let's face it, the precincts standard equipment is less than reliable." The messy haired detective donned a smile until his eyes landed on those of the Chief and it disappeared in an instant. "No offense."

Denby sigh of slight irritation. "Detectives, I can appreciate your teams loyalty, but we've already got a guy working on this who is more than capable."

Gina smiled at him. "And we're sure he is, but we'd still like to use Monty on this."

"And if we don't?" Denby asked challengingly.

"Then we're out." Lincoln said matter-of-factly, shrugging as he leaned back in his seat with his arms folded.

Sindri looked at the all disbelievingly. He had heard about the team's stubborn fealty towards one another, but it was a whole other thing to see it up close and personal. "You all realize this case could be the biggest bust of your careers, right?"

Lexa kept the callous expression glued to her face and laced her tone with monotony. "With all due respect, Chief, you said it yourself. We've dealt with these kinds of situations many times before and each & every time, Monty Green has been with us every step of the way with everything we needed to get the job done. So if we want to get this done, we're using Monty."

"You'd seriously walk away from this opportunity all for one guy?" Denby asked. He couldn't believe they had the audacity to pull something like this in front of the Chief.

Lexa spoke with a bit more passion this time around to get her point across. "Not _one_ guy, _the_ guy. _Our_ guy. He is as big a part of this team as any of us and we owe a lot to him."

The room went quiet for a moment as the white shirted officials stared down the detectives of the city's best squad.

"Sergeant?" The Chief turned once again to Byrne. "Care to weigh in?"

"You heard my team, Chief." Byrne said without missing a beat.

Sindri smiled to himself and nodded his head before standing. "Alright, then. Look, we want this to run as smoothly as possible, so whatever it takes to make this work… you got it. Since it _is_ your day off you're all dismissed. I just wanted to make sure you all would be on board so come next shift, we can get the ball rolling. Look over the case file and report back Monday morning at 0800."

With those final words, Chief Sindri and his secretary exit through the same door they entered, followed shortly after by Captain Porter, Sergeant Denby and the members of the Drug squad. Lexa and her team all stood and were about to leave as well until they heard the demanding voice of their own Sergeant call out to them.

"Intelligence!" Byrne said to them authoritatively. "Let's head up to the bullpen. I want us all to know everything about this op by Monday." After a wave _'yes ma'am's'_ she left.

The team grabbed their files and made their way out, Lexa along with them, but stopped when she felt Lincolns hand grab her arm.

"You guys go ahead, we'll catch up." He called out to the rest who just nodded and headed upstairs. When he let go, Lincoln turned to face her and she could recognize the distress in his eyes. "Look… I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I overstepped last night or upset you in any way. You know that's the last thing I ever intended. I just want to make sure you're not denying yourself an opportunity to be happy."

"Linc." Lexa said holding her hand up to alleviate his stress. "It's fine. What you said… You were right. I needed that talk last night, so thank you."

Lincoln let out a breath he realized he'd been holding since the night before. "Good." They both let out a small chuckle. As much fear as his stature alone could instill in people on sight, Lincoln was a softy and had a tendency to become a ball of nerves over the tiniest personal issue. "So? Are you going to talk to her?"

"I already did. After I left you last night I went straight to her apartment."

"How'd that go?"

"Great. I laid it all out there and she understood. For the first time in a long time… I'm excited. I think this could really turn into something."

"Well, you know I'm not above saying 'I told you so'."

"Whatever. You're just happy 'cause now Octavia will stop holding out on you."

"Yeah. There's that too."

* * *

Raven Reyes-Griffin was utterly careless this afternoon. Using her key, she let herself into her little sister's apartment, somewhat expecting her to still be in the state of disarray she had last seen her in. The empty couch was the first thing that came into view upon opening the door and to say she was taken aback was an understatement.

The mess from the few days before had been completely cleaned up and Clarke was nowhere in sight. "Clarkey?!" Raven called out to her with just a touch of concern.

The blonde doctor suddenly appeared from out of her bedroom dressed in jeans and a cute dark blouse, ready for the day ahead. "Hey Rae! What's going on?" She asked in a more cheery tone than her sister had anticipated.

"I should be asking you that considering you haven't given me shit about using my spare key that's 'only for emergencies'."

Clarke just smiled. "Don't worry about it. I gave you that key and you're my big sister. You're welcome here any time."

Raven furrowed her brows and eyed the younger girl skeptically. "Okay…you've definitely done a 180. Two days ago I could barely get you off of the couch. What changed?"

"Lexa & I talked." Clarke answered moving past her and making her way into the kitchen.

Raven was only a few steps behind her and leaned against the counter. "She finally called you?"

"Better. She came over last night."

Raven scratched temple. "Don't say I never did anything for you." she said mostly to herself.

Clarke took a quick pause, looking at her in confusion, before opening the fridge. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"O and I had a little chat with Lincoln. Gave him a bit of an incentive to light a fire under her ass and figure out where her head was at. I guess it worked if she came over to patch things up."

"I should probably be mad at you right now for meddling into my sex life, but I'm still a bit euphoric so I'm gunna let it go for now."

Raven couldn't stop her eyebrows from shooting up in complete shock. "Sex life? You slept with her?"

Clarke tried to hide her blush, keeping her focus on the pitcher of iced tea she pulled out and pour into a glass she grabbed from the cupboard. When she finally turned back towards Raven, she saw that her shock had changed to something different. "What?"

Raven shook her head. "Nothing. It just…seems a little sudden. I mean, one minute she's giving you the silent treatment and the next she's got you falling into bed with her?"

"It's not like that. We talked first; she explained why she pulled away, she cleared the air."

"And what excuse did she have for holstered for you?" Raven asked accusingly, folding her arms over her chest.

"It wasn't an excuse. It was more of an admission. Rae… the last person she was in a serious relationship with was murdered because of a case she was working on. So when things with us started…developing, she got scared."

Raven allowed her features to soften just a bit. "Yeah, Wick said something about that." Even so, her first priority was to protect her sister. "Look, I get that she's got stuff she still might be going through, and I'm not hating on her, I'm really not, I like Lexa. But the other day, when I walked in here and saw you so… broken. I hated seeing you like that over this girl, and you were just friends at that point. If you feel as strongly for her as you say you do and you want to be with her, then, by all means, go for it. I would just hate myself if I didn't caution you to be careful about moving too fast, because as depressed as you were, I can't imagine how you'll end up if things got serious and flamed out."

Clarke gave her a small smile at the sentiment. "I know you're just looking out for me. You always have. I appreciate it."

"You are my baby sister. It's kind of my unofficial job. 'My sister, my responsibility'." She quoted.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Oh God, you sound like Bellamy."

"Yeah." Raven cringed. "I think I've been spending too much time with the Blake siblings. They're starting to rub off on me." The two shared a chuckle.

"I am going to take things more slowly with Lexa." Clarke said to reassure her. "Last night was just me giving in to the lust I've been fighting off since I met her. But she's coming back over here for dinner tonight so the two of us can keep talking things out and figure out what it is we're doing. You don't have to worry about me."

"Okay," Raven held up her hand and shut her eyes tight. "First: too much information, and second: I'm never not going to worry about you."

* * *

Six hours later and Byrne finally dismissed them for the day. It was nothing new. Whenever they worked big cases like this, the team would hold up in the bullpen for hours until they had every detail memorized. Sometimes, they felt like they were back in high school cramming for a final with a study group, but they braved through it each time because in the heat of things, the tiniest facet of information they retained in the back of their minds could save their lives.

By the time they were done Lexa had some time before she was supposed to go back to Clarke's for dinner, so she wished her team a goodnight and headed home to shower and change. She and Clarke had been texting the entire time she was at the precinct, and during the course of which, had agreed for her to arrive at around eight o'clock. The rest of their conversation mirrored the way they used to spend their days messaging one another, with friendly wishes of having a good day and random snapchats. It made Lexa feel a whole new kind of happy, but one that she felt she was already getting used to.

As promised, Clarke was making them dinner and, as promised, Lexa brought a bottle of wine. The first few moments were spent mentioning how awkward their current situation was given that they already slept together, neither knew the appropriate protocol on greeting each other, so Clarke decided to just go for it and kissed her, saying hi as they pulled away then grabbed her by the hand, intertwining their fingers, to lead her to the kitchen.

With Lexa's help, dinner was made and set out for the two of them to enjoy together. They spent the meal making more small talk, sharing untold stories from work and childhood. They told each other about all their favorites, their greatest likes and dislikes, their best and worst memories. Each watched in complete adoration while the other explained vivaciously certain events or things they felt passionate about.

After dinner, they moved over to the couch. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, their arms found each other and spoke telepathically, tangling into one another ending in both their bodies cuddled up together, each with their glasses of freshly refilled wine.

"So, what happens now?" Clarke ventured, wanting to get to the thick of it and address the elephant in the room. "I mean what are we?"

Lexa took a deep breath. Not out of discomfort, but of acceptance and contention. "We are…whatever you want us to be."

"Really?" Clarke sat up and turned to face Lexa, being sure to keep her place in the brunette's arms. "Well… What if I want us to be an 'Us'?" She asked in an effort to be bold, but Lexa could hear the worry in her voice.

Lexa's eyes bore into the gorgeous blues looking back at her and gave her a full teeth flashing smile. "I like the sound of that."

"You sure you're comfortable with that? I mean, I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for."

Lexa's response was to lean in and press her lips to the blonde's. Clarke just smiled as she pulled away. Having her answer, she leaned back in to deepen the kiss again for a moment. "Hey, I'm sorry again about how I've been acting the last few days." Lexa's tone was filled with such remorse; it made Clarke's heart ache. "Avoiding you like that was the dumbest thing I've ever done."

Clarke shook her head, simply. "It's okay. We've talked about it. I get it."

"Well, that's not something I'm ever going to do again." Lexa vowed. "I like that I can talk to you. I think I just need to get used to having someone else in my life I can open up to. Especially if we're going to be honest with each other from now on… I want you to know everything."

"And I want to know everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that. If you have any questions, comments or concerns, don't be afraid to leave a comment or message. You can also find me on tumblr. I'm fairly new so I don't have a lot of followers (or any) but I'm trying to change that. jaycal14.tumblr.com. The next chapter will be more fluff before the real stuff starts, so bare with me. Thanks again!


	8. Now I Just Want To Make Your Demons Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Intelligence team begins a new case. Lexa has to officially meet the parents. A bit of Clexa fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long. In an effort to have this finished and posted as soon as possible, I neglected to re-read it thoroughly to look for mistakes. So if you find any, please let me know so I can fix it. Side note: This chapter and the next take place over the span of the next few months. So you may see several slight time jumps. If it gets at all confusing, just let me know and I'll do my best to clear it up.Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

**Ch. 8 – Now I Just Want To Make Your Demons Disappear**

* * *

 

**Polis – Next night**

-

It was early in the afternoon that Lexa got the text that the group was having an impromptu ‘goodbye’ get-together at Polis in honor of Miller beginning his new undercover assignment the next day. Clarke received an invite a while later from Octavia. The two decided there was no better time or place to tell people of their newly changed relationship status, in their own way, of course.

Everything was well underway by the time Clarke and Lexa strolled in. To be honest, everything seemed as if it were any other day at the bar. The only noticeable difference was the giant banner hung along the wall behind the counter that read ‘Good Luck Nate’. The Intelligence team and their friends all looked up from their table to watch the girls make their way over. They were in their own little world, carrying on with a private conversation, giggling to one another. If either of them noticed all the eyes on them, they showed no sign of it.

“Hey you two!” Raven shouted from across the table just as Lexa pulled Clarke’s chair out for her, then took her own seat next to her.

“Hey guys.” Clarke replied in an ecstatic tone. “Thank you.” She said quietly to Lexa before they both turned to the rest of the table, hearing the unusual silence grow heavy and met the groups expecting stares.

“What?” Lexa asked looking at everyone, having noticed as well. For a few moments, no one spoke. Not a single person at the table knew how to voice what was on their minds. A table filled with people who carried guns and ran into the line of fire for a living, suddenly became too nervous to ask a simple question.

“Fuck it,” Came Octavia, ever the rebel. “I’ll ask! Are you guys together now or what?” She just wanted to know at this point, social etiquette be damned.

Clarke & Lexa share an amused look, their eyes holding their own conversation. After keeping their people waiting long enough, they intertwined their hands, bringing them up above the table for all to see. Lexa even went so far as bring them up to her lips and placing a kiss on the backside of Clarke’s palm causing the blonde to smile and lean into Lexa’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Clarke said, laughing at all the shocked looks and gasps that were emitted as if they weren’t expecting that very answer. “We’re dating!” She announced. Lexa nodded along enthusiastically to confirm. Nobody had ever seen her look so happy. With that statement and the display of affection, the entire table erupted into a round of cheers for the young, and newly formed, couple.

“Finally! Geez!” Octavia let out over the roars as she grabbed her beer and took a sip.

“Right?” Gina asked. “It’s about damn time!”

Miller slapped his hand down on the table. “Raven!” He shouted to be heard over the bar noise and pointed at the dark-haired girl sitting across from him. “You owe me a beer now!”

“Of course, you made a bet regarding my dating life.” Clarke stated, not even a little surprised.

“I’m more concerned with the fact that they bet with alcohol.” Lexa interjected.

Miller just shrugged. “Well we all hang out here a lot. It makes sense.”

“Yeah, but your boyfriend owns a fourth of the bar.”

Right on time, Bryan, Miller’s firefighter boyfriend joined the group, pulling up a seat next to the detective and placed his arm around his shoulder. “Yet, he still has to pay just like all you other degenerates.”

“I resent that!!” Gina interjected with mock offense. “We are not degenerates!! We are stand-up officers of the law!!”

Bryan leaned forward and looked at her in disbelief. “Gina…. You skipped out on your $200 bar tab two months ago.” He started counting off with his fingers. “Last year, I had to stop you from calling a pizza place in Sicily to see if they’d deliver to you. There was a time I had to tell you not to take your top off while you were dancing on the bar! I should not have to tell you that! And let us not forget the fateful fire dart incident from opening night!”

“Okay!! We get it!” Gina shouted over him to get him to stop. “But, still, I think degenerate is a _bit_ harsh.”

“Whatever.” Bryan said laughing into his beer.

“Anyway,” Raven called to get their attention. “I did lose the bet so this next round is on me.” She flagged down one of the bartenders behind the counter and made the universal hand signal to indicate that they all wanted refills. Not two minutes later, all the drinks were replenished as everyone fell back into their collective conversation.

That’s when Bellamy took his cue and stood up, drink in hand. “Yo! Listen up!” He shouted, eyes glancing across everyone who occupied the table until they were all trained on him. “Tonight is Miller’s last night with all of us for a while. Tomorrow he heads down into the thick of it and we all are going to be right there every step of the way. Nate, you’re going to be going in there by yourself, but you know damn well you’re not alone. All of us are going to be right there to have your back because you’re not just a member of this team… you’re a member of this family.”

“And family is everything.” Lexa said standing up, taking her turn. “Being with cops is not easy. I mean, we may make a living putting our lives on the line, running towards the gunshots and chasing bad guys, making this city as safe as we can, but at the end of the day when we come home you… that’s what makes _us_ feel safe. It’s what gives us that drive to go out there and do what we do. So as far as we’re concerned, you guys are the brave one’s.” Lexa made sure to make eye contact with all the significant others at the table to let them know just who she was talking to. She glanced at each of them (especially Clarke) before her eyes landed on Bryan.

“So that’s why, Miller & Bryan, we wanted to make you a promise, both of you.” Bellamy spoke up again. “Being undercover for any length of time has its downside, you can lose yourself. We may just be on surveillance detail, but what that really means is we’ve got eyes on you. Now, I know you’re not the type that scares easily, but if you ever do find yourself in a not-so-ideal situation, just remember that we are right there with you. And we will gladly, and without question, toss this case aside before we let any harm come to you. You both have our word on that.” He looked to Lexa to continue.

“And Bryan.” She spoke to the firefighter. “While your man is off doing what he does best, if you ever find yourself in need of anything… be it a friend to vent to, a shoulder to cry on or even a face to punch… each and every one of us will be right there for you at the drop of a hat no matter what. Like Bell said, we’ve got eyes on Nate and we promise, we’ll keep an eye on him. And Nate… while your under, kicking ass and taking names you can rest assured that we’ve got eyes on Bryan for you, and we promise that we will keep an eye on him. Because we are a family… and that’s what we do.” Lexa felt Clarke’s hand slip into her free one that had been situated at her side. She and Bellamy raised their drinks and waited for everyone to follow suit to and join in on the toast.

“Stay strong, brother!” He bellowed to be heard over the bar noise. With those final words uttered, the table’s inhabitants clinked their glasses with those in their vicinity, chanting encouraging words to their friend before taking a gulp of their drinks. That was the last time that night, anyone had mentioned what was to come the next morning or in the coming months. Instead they all continued on as if it were any other night they were sharing together at their habitual bar, with the most important people in their lives.

* * *

 

**26 th Precinct – A Few Weeks Later**

-

It was set to be another late night at the precinct for Lexa and a few members of her team. Since they agreed to join in on the Drug Unit’s operation, their routine had fluctuated drastically. As cops in general, they were accustomed to all manner of shifts, but lately, the hours they were working had them a bit out of whack. Days began to blur together, meals went forgotten and sleep schedules were nonexistent. 

Despite the scattered availability in her schedule, Lexa still did all she could to make time for Clarke. Even after pulling a double shift, not having slept in 36 hours, she would show up at the hospital with coffee or food, hoping to share a few moments together or, at the very least, lay eyes on her. The affection was greatly appreciated, but her utter exhaustion did not go unnoticed by the blonde doctor, so she would be sure to return the favor.

Clarke started lining up her schedule a night or two a week so her shift ended around the same time Lexa took her late-night lunch break while at the precinct. Those days, she would bring takeout up to the intelligence floor and the two would sit and eat either at Lexa’s desk or in the floor’s breakroom. 

Just past 11 PM, Clarke was sitting with Lexa at her desk enjoying a meal she picked up on the way to the precinct. The only other people still there were Bellamy, Wick and Lincoln, typing up their daily reports from their last few surveillance shifts. Their impromptu ‘Dinner Date’ went smoothly for the most part. The only interruption came when Wick required Lexa’s assistance in identifying a homicide victim that was related to their joint operation. 

Clarke watched Wick explain every detail to Lexa, noticing her differing reactions to certain bits of information. Combing through the Medical Examiners report, the brunette thought to herself trying to see if anything, in particular, stuck out. After a few minutes of deliberating, Lexa handed the file back to Wick and gave him a few suggestions about getting a ID before rejoining Clarke at her desk. 

“Sorry about that.” Lexa apologized.

Clarke just shrugged it off. “Don’t be. It’s nice getting to see you in your element. Being all cop-y. It’s kind of hot.” 

“Thank you.” Lexa blushed. 

“Speaking of seeing you in your element…” Clarke took a quick breath, not entirely knowing what reaction to expect from Lexa. “My parents are having a barbeque on Sunday. They asked me to invite you and the rest of the squad to come over.” 

Lexa froze and looked over at her girlfriend. “Really?” She asked skeptically. “Why?” 

“Okay, full disclosure. The other night at family dinner, Raven assumed that I told them about us, so she made a casual comment and they became intrigued.” 

“And now they want to meet me?” 

Clarke let out a small chuckle in spite of her mild confusion. “You do remember that you’ve already met them, right?” 

“That was before I fell for their daughter…” Lexa said slightly panicked. “Or, at least…before they knew about it, anyway.” She was so uneasy, that she didn’t even realize what she just admitted. But Clarke sure did. 

“Wait. You already had a thing for me before that night?” 

Lexa shook her head and forced a nervous laugh. “…don’t change the subject.” They both shared a chuckle. 

“Are you getting nervous?” Clarke asked sincerely when the moment died down. 

“Uh. A little bit. Yeah.” The brunette said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You really don’t need to be. They already love you, they think you’re great. And now that they know we’re dating, they just want to get to know you better.” With Lexa still looking apprehensive, Clarke leaned forward towards her and took her hands in her own. “Look, my mom wanted to host another dinner, but I didn’t think you’d be into that so Marcus suggested a BBQ with everyone there. He thought a more casual and relaxed setting wouldn’t freak you out as much. Besides, he’s heard a lot about how badass your team is and now he wants to meet them too.” 

“I guess that would make it easier.” 

“I promise they will not give you the third degree. They’ve always been really involved in our lives and they like knowing who our friends are. If it makes you feel better, they were actually, pretty thrilled when they found out about us.”

Lexa was a bit taken aback to hear that. “Thrilled?”

“Of course…their little girl is dating a cop, why wouldn’t they be happy about that?”

“Yeah. The same cop who saved her from a hostage situation. I just don’t want them thinking I took advantage of you. Y’know… the whole ‘damsel syndrome’ thing.”

“I promise you they don’t think that.” Clarke assured her. Her eyes settled on the brunette, trying to read her and possibly see where her head was at.

Lexa breathed out a sigh of acceptance and looked into the blue eyes staring back at her. “If you want me there, then I’m there.”

Clarke just smiled and leaned forward to capture Lexa’s lips with her own. They were both so wrapped up in each other and the moment, that neither they nor anyone else in the bullpen noticed that Bellamy was watching them from his desk across the room. He finally had to tear his gaze away once they went in to kiss each other, silently hating himself that he couldn’t just be happy that they were happy.

* * *

 

**Griffin-Kane Residence – That Sunday**

**-**

It seemed as though every time Lexa walked up the pathway to this magnificent home, her nerves got the best of her and a slight panic set in. Granted, this was only her second time … she still felt as anxious as she had the first time. Having Gina with her helped, as did the thought of the rest of her team and friends she worked with being invited as well. When Clarke told her that her parents wanted to meet everyone in a less official setting, she was relieved, but at the end of the day, it still came down to the fact that the detective would be reintroducing herself as their daughter’s girlfriend. Lexa was never particularly fond of the ‘meet the parents’ stage in a relationship, not even the platonic ones. Problem was that this occasion was different than any other instance, simply because of the fact that this time, one of the parents was her superior officer.

Lexa approached the front door with Gina a step behind her, somewhat ignoring her friends aweing at how exquisite the home was. She was too busy trying to ward off a panic attack.

“Lexa, you gotta relax a bit. You’ve been here before, you’ve met these people and they like you. If anything, I’m the one that should be freaking out and you should be the one calming me down.” Gina said as they reached the last step.

“But this is different though. I’m about to meet my girlfriend’s parents, one of whom happen to be my boss. I think I have every right to freak out.” Lexa took several deep breaths wanting to control her breathing.

“Well, you know what they say.” Gina let out before moving past Lexa to knock on the door. “Do what scares you.” Five raps to the door and less than 30 seconds later, the entrance swung open revealing an incredibly exuberant Clarke Griffin. 

Suddenly, every bit of anxiety Lexa was experiencing a few seconds ago dissipated into nothing once her green eyes met those of the blonde’s. Gina’s presence went completely forgotten as Clarke stepped forward to wrap her arms around the brunette’s neck, pulling her into an embrace, joining their lips together in the process. It didn’t take long for the kiss to become a touch but heated, though both had to pull away for much needed oxygen. With their foreheads pressed together, they locked eyes.

“Hi.” Clarke spoke softly.

“Hi.” Lexa replied matching her tone. 

Out of the blue, they were pulled from their thoughts when Gina, feeling like the biggest third-wheel, spoke up. “Hi!” Clarke and Lexa both turned their heads to her, their cheeks blushing all shades of red.

“Sorry. Hi Gina. How are you?” Clarke asked, trying her best to ensure her voice matched her genuine interest.

“You can skip the pleasantries Clarke, I still think you two are disgustingly whipped, but I’m just glad that Lexa here hasn’t screwed this up yet.” Both girls gave a very, obvious and well-deserved eyeroll. “So, where’s the party?”

“Everyone is out back. And don’t worry, there’s beer.”

“Aww…” Gina exaggeratedly placed her hands over her heart. “You know me so well. Though, you should probably introduce me to your parents before you liquor me up.” 

“I agree.” Clarke turned to face a nervous looking Lexa. “You ready?” All the brunette could bring herself to do was nod and offer a weak smile before Clarke grabbed her hand, interlocked their fingers and pulled Lexa into the home, with an amused Gina following close behind them, admiring the house as they passed through. 

Though she had already been here before, this was the first time seeing the house during the day. It was also the first time she had laid eyes on the backyard, for if she had the last time, she surely would have remembered. The house was vast, but the yard was massive and exquisite. It had to be just under an acre at least. The deck extended out about ten feet, containing a barbecue pit to one side and a simply elegant outdoor dining set to the other. The steps at the end led down to the rest of the yard where a majority of the shindig’s guests were mingling amongst themselves. Lexa noticed the rest of her team had already arrived along with Jasper, Monroe & Monty. There a several other officers there that she recognized from crime scenes or in passing. Other guests she knew from the hospital like Lorelai Tsing, Maya and Harper.

Feeling a sudden pull to her arm, Lexa was brought back to her current situation as Clarke led her over to the barbecue grill where her mother and step-father were cooking and conversing with one another and whoever else stopped by. With a quick glance behind her, her eyes met those of Gina’s, just to make sure she still had her back. Gina gave her a reassuring look before Lexa felt a sudden wave of confidence in the form of a hand squeeze from the adorable blonde.

Abby was the first to notice them approach. Putting her beer bottle down, she stepped forward with her usual warm and welcoming smile. “Lexa. We’re so glad you could make it today.” The older woman wasted no time and pulled Lexa into a hug. “It’s great to see you again.” Abby said as she pulled away. Lexa could see nothing but pure genuineness in her eyes.

“You as well.” She replied.

“Marcus.” Abby turned towards her husband who’s focus was on the grill trying not to burn the meat, or worse, himself. “Look who’s here.” With her hand on Lexa’s back, she gently walked her forward towards him. 

“Lexa!” He shouted enthusiastically, setting the tongs down and wiping his hands on a towel. Just as his wife had, he wrapped the young detective in a tight and friendly hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” For lack of anything else to say, Lexa immediately signaled towards Gina who was watching the scene before her unfold with mild astonishment. “This is one of my partners, Detective Gina Martin.” At sudden mention of her name and all eyes shifting to her, Gina visibly tensed up. It was Lexa’s turn to bask in the hilarity of a friend’s uneasiness. 

Abby stepped forward with her hands extended and took hold of Gina’s. “Welcome, Gina. I’m Abby, Clarke & Raven’s mom.” She gestured to Marcus. “And this is my husband Marcus.” Kane offered her a wave. “You may know him as your Superintendent, but here, it’s just Marcus.”

After they exchanged pleasantries and light conversation, Gina broke off to go greet her coworkers, leaving Lexa essentially alone to face what’s had her so on edge all week. She tried to brush it off and act casual, hoping her tension would go unnoticed, but it hadn’t.

“Lexa, would you mind helping me out in the kitchen for a moment?” Came Abby from her place next to Marcus.

“Yes ma’am.” With one quick look to Clarke for a touch of courage, they released their hands that Lexa had forgotten were still interlocked, and followed the older woman into the house. Lexa took notice of the sophisticated design of the kitchen, from the marble countertops to the espresso colored cabinetry. Really, she was trying to avert her gaze to look anywhere but the doctor. 

Lexa was so caught up trying to find a focal point, she didn’t notice Abby had went straight to the refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of water and slid it over towards the detective, who graciously accepted and took a long sip after abruptly feeling her mouth go dry. “Lexa, you need to relax.” Abby said through a chuckle, bringing the younger girls green eyes up to meet hers for the first time since she arrived. “There is absolutely no need for you to be nervous being here with us.” Seeing her eyebrows knit together in confusion, Abby decided to continue. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We consider you a friend of the family. And now that you and Clarke are together, that’s not going to change.”

Lexa took a deep breath. “I know.” She was finally able to let out. “I just don’t want you guys to think, given the way she & I met, that I was taking advantage of her during a time she was vulnerable.”

“Oh quite the opposite. Clarke explained to us how the two of you progressed. She told us that at first, you were hesitant because of what went down at the hospital.”

Lexa felt a rush of guilt pang in her stomach. “She told you everything then?” She asked, her voice small, averting her gaze once again. Abby knew instantly what caused her lapse in demeanor and moved closer, angling her head to meet Lexa’s gaze.

“I noticed something seemed off with Clarke a few weeks ago, but I figured whatever it was, she would tell me when she was ready. But before she could Raven beat her to the punch. So, yes, I know that for a while you… withdrew from her.”

“Dr. Griffin… I am truly sorry that I put her through that. You have to know that I would never want to intentionally hurt Clarke. At the time I thought… well to be honest, I don’t really know what I was thinking…” She was rambling at this point. Abby held her hand up to stop her, fearing that she might have a panic attack.

“Lexa.” She began sternly but with enough lightness in her tone to let her know everything was alright. “You don’t need to apologize. Really. Clarke already told me what happened.”

“She did?” Lexa asked cautiously.

“Out of respect to your privacy, she was pretty vague on the details.” Abby placed a comforting hand on Lexa’s forearm. “She told me you lost someone close to you. So when the two of you started getting closer, you got scared and pulled away.” She finished simply.

Lexa shook her head at herself. “If I could go back and undo that…” she let the sentence hang there.

“It happens.” Abby stated with a shrug of her shoulders. “After I lost the girls’ father, I didn’t give dating much thought…at all. Then I met Marcus and things changed. But it didn’t come easy. There were times that I got so scared of getting attached to someone in that way, I would shut him out.”

“Clearly you’ve moved past it.”

“And clearly you have too. I can’t say for sure that there won’t be times your fear won’t get the better of you again and you won’t want to disappear within yourself to prevent that pain from coming back, but I can tell you that if it ever does happen again…. Clarke will be there for you to listen and understand. Same way she was there for me, Raven and everyone else in her life that she cares about. And she cares about you Lexa.”

“I care about her too.”

Abby flashed a soft smile. “I can tell you do.” She moved back to the fridge, opening it to grab a pitcher of lemonade from the top shelf. “And you may not believe it, but when Marcus and I found out about you too, we were thrilled.” 

Lexa couldn’t help the tiny chuckle that was released hearing Clarke’s words from the other night be verified from the source. “Really?”

“Absolutely.”

“So, then,” Lexa began. “You guys are okay with the fact that she & I are dating?”

“We are. And speaking just for myself… If you’ve managed to get the stamp of approval from both Marcus _and_ Raven, then I’m sure I have nothing to worry about with you dating my daughter.” Abby motioned with her head for Lexa to follow her as she made her way back out to the deck where the two rejoined their significant others at the grill. Lexa took her place right next to Clarke, their hands involuntarily finding one another’s and grabbing hold. She felt a pair of blue eyes bearing on her and looked over to meet them.

“Everything alright?” Clarke asked quietly, running her thumb along Lexa’s hand.

Lexa just smiled at her and nodded. They stayed on the deck for a while before moving down to the rest of the yard to mingle and make their round of hellos to their friends and coworkers. Neither of them noticed Abby and Marcus watching after them lovingly as they held hands, pulled each other close laughing with one another at inside jokes and their comfortable banter.

The rest of the afternoon was casual and content after that. Clarke & Lexa were practically glued to each other and being openly affectionate, something none of her teammates had seen in years. Clarke was good for Lexa. That much they knew. And, in turn, Lexa was good for Clarke. Anyone in their lives could see that and rest a lot better now that they were together and happy.

* * *

 

**Surveillance Location – Several Weeks Later**

 -

One of the main reasons Lexa became a cop was that the simple thought of a career in which she was obligated to repeat the same task shift after shift disturbed her so atrociously, it was actually a threat to her sanity. Wearing a badge guaranteed there would never be a day that mirrored the one before it. Yet, ever since their team agreed to join up with the drug unit to take down one of the greatest crime groups on this side of the country, all they had done was sit in the same run-down condo the department had appropriated to surveil the same building, watching the same criminals come and go, documenting every movement. If they hadn’t had a fellow member of their squad, working undercover, infiltrating this crew, gaining trust and acquiring intel to utilize to dismantle the organization, Lexa would have found some way to ‘stir the pot’ and hurry things along. But Miller was one of their own, cut from the same unit. The six of them have been through many forms of hell over the years and each time they made it out the other side, the only constant was they had each other. They were a family and had each other’s backs no matter what.

Tonight, however, was one of those days where she was convinced she was in hell. Her only form of saneness came when her phone began to vibrate and pull her out of her momentary daze. Reaching over to the table that was occupied mostly by photos, files and equipment, Lexa grabbed her cellphone and smiled when she saw Clarke’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey gorgeous.” She answered groggily.

Clarke smiled into the phone at the nickname. “Hey. Hope I’m not bothering you.”

“No, never. What’s up?”

“I just clocked out and I’m headed home. Wanted to hear your voice.”

“Well yours is music to my ears.”

“Is it going to be another late night for you?”

Lexa stifled a yawn so Clarke wouldn’t know just how exhausted she was. “Very late. But, after tonight’s shift I will have two whole days off.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke got excited. “Planning on spending them with anybody in particular?”

Lexa turned in her chair, so Bellamy, who was sitting a few feet away couldn’t hear what she would say next. “Well, there’s this hot doctor I know… I was going to invite her over for dinner then maybe cuddle on the couch to watch some cheesy movie on Netflix.”

“Lucky girl.” Clarke replied.

“Actually,” Lexa corrected. “I’m the lucky one. This girl…she’s special.”

At that, Clarke couldn’t help but smile and blush. “I miss you.” She said softly into the phone.

“I’m pretty sure I miss you more.” Bellamy couldn’t help but to overhear.

“You’re gonna have to prove it.”

“Whatever you say.” Lexa agreed. “So, then, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, you will. I’ll let you get back to work and continue the war on crime.”

“Yeah,” Lexa began sarcastically. “Because this shift is non-stop action.”

“Just be safe & I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, babe.”

“Bye beautiful.” She waited for Clarke to hang up first before pulling the phone away from her ear, smiling at the photo assigned as the blondes caller ID.

“Clarke?” Bellamy finally spoke up a moment later.

“Yeah.” Lexa replied having almost completely forgotten that her partner was still in the room with her.

“Sounds like things are going well with you two.”

Lexa sat smiling at the photo of her and Clarke on her lock screen. It was taken during the barbecue at her parent’s house just a few weeks ago. Clarke was sitting on top one of the lawn tables as Lexa leaned up against it, resting between the blondes legs as Clarke wrapped her arms around her waist. Each of them wore sunglasses and wide smiles, not a care in the world. “They are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. Let me know what you think. I will try to have the next chapter up soon. Thank you all for your interest, comments and views. It means a lot! Check me out on tumblr jaycal14.tumblr.com


	9. When You've Opened Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa Fluff. Clarke meets Anya (kind of) and also learns more about Lexa's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update, hope you like. Decided to make this a fluff chapter. Again, I rushed through this to get it posted so please let me know if there are any mistakes in editing or substance. Anyway... enjoy!!!

**Ch. 9 – When You've Opened Me**

* * *

 

**St. Joseph's – A Few Weeks Later**

Though she was still technically working, Lexa couldn't suppress the excited anticipation she got as her unmarked squad car reached it's destination of the hospital, just in time to see the ambulance carrying their witness pull up the emergency bay and unload in a hurry to get him treatment. She and Bellamy were sent to keep an eye on him and be his first point of contact, questioning him about any people he could identify and provide any details or even convince him to testify. Honestly, she couldn't care less what the reason, if it gave her excuse to be at the hospital at the same time as a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed doctor, she'd be there in a heartbeat. As a kid, Lexa detested hospitals. They made her anxious. Now, even the thought of stepping through the doors of St. Joseph's General Hospital made her heart flutter in the best way possible.

She had to admit that today had been a nice change of pace from the last few months. Instead of spending her work hours killing time at some surveillance location or stuck behind her desk typing up daily activity reports or warrant requests, they got a call about shots being fired at a location that had been flagged in their files as the residence belonging to a person of interest for their case. They took down the gunman easily enough, but their original suspect had been injured. Lexa and Bellamy were assigned protection detail and primary contacts until they were relieved by Officers Jordan & Monroe to look after him for the night.

As the EMTs unloaded the occupied stretcher and wheeled it into through the entrance to the ambulance bay, the two detectives were a few feet behind them, trying to keep a respective distance, but still be close enough to hear everything going on. The minute they stepped into the halls, Bellamy couldn't help but notice his partner seemed somewhat distracted, her eyes bouncing all over the place looking at every face that passed them by. He knew exactly who she was looking for. If he was being honest with himself, a part of him was seeking her out as well.

"If you want to go find your girl, go ahead. I'm can handle this." He told her.

Lexa snapped herself out of her search, realizing how unprofessional she was being. "No, It's okay. I'm good." They followed the doctors and nurses to the treatment room they were assigned to and took their post outside of the doors, on guard in case anybody was sent to finish him off. After a few minutes, their witness stabilized, but it would still be a while before they were able to talk to him. Just then, something caught Lexa's attention out of the corner of her eye. She turned just in time to see Clarke approaching the two of them with a wide smile.

"Hey guy's." She greeted the both of them, though her eyes were locked on green, occasionally letting them roam the full length of the body they belonged to.

"Hey." Lexa breathed out.

"Hey Clarke." Came Bellamy.

It was then that Clarke diverted her gaze and acknowledged the taller detective. "Do you mind if I borrow your partner for a minute? I need to talk to her about something." She asked as innocently as she could trying to sound serious.

Bellamy just shook his head. "No. Go for it."

Before Lexa had the chance to ask what she needed to talk about, Clarke had taken hold of her hand and was leading her down the hallway. "I'll be right back." She called back to Bellamy just as they rounded the corner. Bellamy gave her a nod watching after them. Clarke pulled Lexa around the corner and down the hall to one of the on-call rooms, closing & locking the door behind them.

"Umm…" Lexa began nervously, feeling as though she just got dragged into the principal's office. "Am I in trouble or someth-?" She didn't get the chance to finish her question due to the fact that, in one swift motion, her back was being shoved against the door and Clarke had practically jumped her, bombarding her with kisses and attacking her lips with her own. It took her slightly off guard. Not so much the assault, but how strong Clarke seemed to be. "Okay. Not that I'm not enjoying this immensely…but what exactly brought this on?"

Clarke reluctantly pulled back, making sure to stay close. "It's not often I get to see you in your tactical gear. You're wearing your vest and leg holster and… You just look so, damn badass and sexy right now. I couldn't help myself."

"Say no more." Was all Lexa could bring herself to reply. As soon as the words were uttered, her hands shot to the blonde's waist and took charge, turning them around so Clarke was now backed into the door, her lips attached to the detective's neck. Lexa had her pinned, with very little space between them. Every so often, Clarke would let out an involuntary moan that sent shivers up Lexa's spine. Having officially and effectively been driven crazy, Lexa found her hands wandering down the side of Clarke's thighs and, in the same way she's done many times before, lifted the blonde up. Clarke's legs instinctually wrapped around her waist as she felt herself being carried over to one of the single beds in the corner.

Things had gotten pretty hot & heavy in that on-call room between the two, but before they got the chance to really get going, a series of pounding erupted on the door breaking their concentration on one another. After Clarke made a joke about Lexa shooting whoever it was on the other side of the door, they agreed that they each needed to get back to reality and finish what they started, at a later time.

Walking back to the treatment room she was supposed to be guarding, Lexa and Clarke were smiling childishly at one another, giggling at nothing in particular. The faded sound of a police radio broke her out of her euphoria. Looking up, she found Bellamy standing at his post with Officer Monroe, both watching in amusement as Jasper stood at the nurses station obviously flirting with Maya.

"When the hell did that happen?" Lexa asked aloud in confusion.

Clarke follows her gaze and smiled at what she considered her handiwork. "I introduced the two of them at the barbecue a few weeks ago. I had a feeling they would hit it off. I guess I was right."

"Aren't you a little matchmaker?"

"I got _you_ didn't I?" The blonde joked.

"That you did." Lexa assented. She looked down into those blues and felt her heart flutter in her chest. "My place tonight?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh yeah. We can pick up where we left off… If you're not too tired."

"I can guarantee you right now that I will _not_ be too tired."

* * *

 

**Lexa's Apartment – That Night**

By the time Clarke went home, showered, changed, packed an overnight bag, and made the drive to Lexa's apartment, the brunette herself was pulling up fresh from work. They greeted each other affectionately before making their way upstairs. Once inside, Lexa went to take a shower to wash off the grime of the day and asked Clarke to keep an ear out for her phone in case Gina or someone from her team called.

Clarke was occupying herself in the kitchen making Lexa something light to eat when she heard the phone go off. She was quick to answer it assuming it was Gina, so she didn't check the caller ID. "Lexa Carey's phone." She spoke into the receiver.

At first, she was met with silence before the caller finally spoke up. "Uh, Hello?... Gina? Is that you?" Came the voice from the other end.

Clarke stopped in her tracks. She didn't recognize the voice and hoped she didn't answer to somebody official. "Sorry no. This is Clarke. Who is this?" She asked trying her best to sound as professional and appropriate as possible.

"Clarke." The voice said. "The girlfriend." Clarke could hear the glee in her voice through the device. "This is Anya." She stated after a second or two of silence.

"The sister." Clarke uttered.

"The one and only."

"Hi. I was wondering when I'd finally get to meet you. Although, I was hoping it would be face to face."

"I was too. I'm not sure if Lexa's told you, but my firm has me traveling to all of our offices to assist with some corporate restructuring. That's actually why I was calling, to let Lexa know that I just landed in London."

"Wow. London? Sounds like I'm in the wrong line of work."

"Please. Every country I've been to, I never see anything other than the airport or the inside of a conference room. Not exactly the type of law I wanted to get into. Besides, you're the one who saves lives everyday."

"I do what I can, but it is rewarding."

"You're modest too. Baby sis chose well. Is she around?" Anya asked.

As if on cue, Lexa emerged from her bedroom clad in black sweats and a grey tank top, toweling her hair dry. Her eyes found Clarke and her interest piqued seeing that she was on the phone. "Yeah," Clarke spoke brightly, making her way towards the brunette. "She's right here. It's your sister." She said to her, handing the phone over.

Lexa reached for the phone running the towel over her ear a couple more times to ensure that it was completely dry before bringing the device up to it. "Hey Ahn."

"Hey bean." Lexa rolled her eyes at the ridiculous childhood nickname. "I just had a nice chat with your girl. She seems sweet."

The detective looked up to find Clarke back in the kitchen, moving about so comfortably without a care in the world and smiled at the sight. "She really is." Watching her perform even the most simplest task as throwing a small meal together sent that rush of warmth through her, only causing her smile to grow larger. She shook her head and returned her attention to her conversation. "So, what's going on? Where are you?" She asked.

"Well, I have _just_ touched down in London. If everything goes okay here, then I'll be headed to Sydney later this week." The older girl explained.

"Damn. You must be exhausted." Lexa knew very well how hard her sister worked. She had witnessed it first-hand growing up and a lot of times had joked that it's where she had gotten her intense work ethic from. "But at least you're getting to travel the world. That was always on both of our bucket-lists."

"When we were making that list, this is definitely not what I meant." Anya joked. "Anyway… How is everything with you?"

"Things here are really good." She replied jovially. "This new case we've got has us working ridiculous hours and the days are starting to blur together, but thankfully Clarke's schedule is just as crazy so it all works out."

"Speaking of that," Anya let out a contented sigh through the phone. "You have no idea how happy I am for you. Seriously, Lex. I know getting back out there wasn't an easy thing for you to do, but the fact that you did is incredibly amazing. And Clarke seems really great. She's gorgeous too."

At that, Lexa looked around the room suspiciously, glancing out of windows looking for any signs that her home was suddenly under surveillance. "How do you know that?" She queried feeling somewhat paranoid.

"I have eyes and ears all over the place keeping me in the loop about you, bean." Anya chuckled in her ear.

Lexa shook her head. There were a select few people who fit that bill and she knew just who it was in this case. "Lincoln."

"He sent me a few pictures of the two of you being all cute and whatnot at some picnic or something. Honestly you two looked nauseatingly happy." Lexa could practically hear the fake eyeroll.

"First," Lexa began. "We were at a barbecue at her parent's house, and second; What the hell does that even mean?"

"Doesn't matter," she quickly dismissed. "My point was that I've heard a lot of good things from not just Lincoln, plus everything you've told me… I think you've got a good thing with this one. Of course, I still need to meet her in person before I can issue my official approval."

"Of course." Lexa indulged. She took another glance at the blonde who was now making her way back out into the living room with two plates in hand. "And you are definitely right about that." Clarke set the food down on the coffee table then disappeared to grab them some drinks.

"I'm always right." Came Anya, smug as ever. "Well, I gotta get checked in and deal with the bullshit that I call 'my job'. You go have a good night with your girlfriend and I'll talk to you when I can."

"Alright." Said Lexa. "I'll talk to you later. Don't work too hard."

"Never. Bye, bean."

"Bye, Ahn."

* * *

 

Clarke's peaceful slumber was abruptly interrupted by the piercing ache of her bladder. She tried to ignore it, not wanting to leave her spot snuggled into Lexa's side with her head resting on her chest, arm thrown loosely over her stomach, but it became too much. Quietly and gently, she pulled herself up and out of the embrace, finding that she missed it immediately, and quickly shuffled to the bathroom.

Once she finished up, Clarke made her way back out to the bedroom but paused in the doorway. Her eyes fell on the still sleeping brunette, laying on her back with the covers pulled up to her waist, exposing the top half of her body wearing only a bra. Clarke took in the beautiful sight wracking her brain trying to figure out how she had gotten this lucky. She didn't realize just how long she had been staring, but was brought out of it when Lexa began to stir, then turned over on her side, back to her. That's when the small smile that had formed on her face gradually dropped.

Lexa had a troubled past. Clarke knew as much, but what she didn't know was that there were physical reminders forever etched into her skin. It sent an uneasy feeling throughout every inch of her, and pained her greatly to know that Lexa had to endure everything she had.

Softly, Clarke walked back into the room and carefully climbed into the bed. Instead of snuggling back up to Lexa and letting her mind drift back to sleep like she had originally planned to do, she found herself observing her girlfriend's backside. Her eyes landed on every mark she could see, all of them varying in shape & size. Though Lexa tried to draw attention away from them with a tattoo that extended from the base of her neck to the small of her back, Clarke couldn't help but let her eyes wander to them, wanting to commit them all to memory and struggling with the urge to reach out and touch them.

The blonde was slightly startled when she heard the angelic voice of the woman she assumed was asleep. "You know you there's nothing you can't ask me. I don't keep anything from you." Lexa said not having moved an inch. Clarke shouldn't have been surprised. When Lexa didn't hear her respond, she turned over once again to lay on her back and look back at her girlfriend. "Whatever you want to know, I want to tell you."

Clarke still couldn't bring herself to speak just yet. Truthfully, she didn't know what to say. She placed a hand on Lexa's stomach, her fingers tracing a soft random pattern over the well-defined abdominal muscles. Wanting to feel more, she dragged her hand down to her waist and over her hip, stopping when she felt another scar. It was one she had seen before and had always been curious about but didn't know whether she should ask.

"This one…" Clarke spoke hesitantly. "…looks like it was painful. Occupational hazard?" She asked.

Lexa, still waking up, rubbed at her eyes before following Clarke's hand, to see the scar. The shape of which acts as a trigger for her mind to produce the memory & subtly reconstruct the pain she felt when it had been given to her. "Oh…No. I got that from one of the group homes I was in. Foster kids can be some of the cruelest." She said laughing it off.

"I thought your sister became your guardian." Clarke stated curiously. "After…everything."

"She did, but before she could legally take me in, I had to go into the system. There was a lot of red tape she had to go through, it was a long process, so I was placed in a group home for the time being. Then I got sent to another one."

"How many places did you get moved around to?"

"7 homes in the eighteen months I was in the system." Lexa hoped that if she said it with enough nonchalance in her tone, the blonde wouldn't react the way she thought she would. She was wrong.

Clarke shot up in the bed and turned to face her. "7!?" She practically shouted. "Oh my god! I can't believe you went through all that."

"I survived." Lexa said shrugging it off. "It all worked out."

"Were they _all_ bad?" The blonde asked more calmly.

Lexa didn't respond right away. She took a moment to recollect and think back as every memory flashed passed through her mind. A few moments went by before she looked back to Clarke and shook her head. "Not all of them. Some were decent enough. Some were worse than others. I think I went through about… 3 social workers. The first one didn't give two shits about me. The second was overworked and stressed so she dropped the ball a lot. But the third… she was a godsend." Lexa smiled just thinking about her. "Cece Cartwig. When she took me on she read through my file and my sisters' case and did everything she could to help. She checked in with me constantly to make sure I was alright, got me out of some pretty bad situations. Then finally… she placed me in a home the greatest people I had ever met. Gustus and Maggie Richards."

"Richards?" Clarke asked quietly, recognizing the name.

"Lincoln's parents. It's how he & I met. His parents took me in and he became the brother I never had."

Clarke nodded knowingly, putting the pieces together. "That's why you two are so close."

"Yeah. They were the sweetest family." Lexa let out a breathy laugh and turned her body slightly more towards Clarke. "They even let Anya visit me whenever she wanted, they would invite her over to dinner or out to the movies with us."

"How long were you with them?"

"Four months. Longest I was placed anywhere. And in that time, Cece helped Anya get appointed as my legal guardian by the judge and I went to go live with her. But even after that, they all still had a pretty big presence in our lives. They were always there for us no matter what. It felt like I was a part of this makeshift family."

Lexa went on to tell her all about what it was like living with Lincoln and his parents. She shared every memory that came to her mind, getting lost in the stories. Clarke watched her girlfriend in pure adoration as she vivaciously recounted tales of a time in her life when she finally able to be a carefree kid and had people who loved and wanted her.

When her sister was awarded custody, Lexa was able to move in with her and, luckily, they still lived in the same district so that she was able to continue attending the same school as Lincoln. Anya, at that point, was working two jobs while finishing her last semester at Northwestern, so she was burning herself out. Constantly on the move, it was obvious she would need help and Gustus & Maggie were more than happy to assist. On weekdays, Lincoln would walk Lexa back to his house where Maggie would be waiting to help them with their homework and keep an eye on Lexa until Anya was home, even keeping her for dinner on nights when the older girl had to work late or her study group sessions ran long.

Weekends consisted of Gustus taking Lincoln and Lexa to various sporting events and parks while Anya studied every waking hour to pass her final exams. Occasionally, when she had time, Maggie would come over and teach her different meals to cook, so she and Lexa weren't having the same thing for dinner week after week. It was a long learning process, but with much appreciated help from the Richards family, Anya was able to grow more and more confident in her new responsibilities as the caregiver to her younger sister.

Never in her life had Lexa ever spoken about herself in such great length. It hadn't really dawned on her until she was finished just how long she had been talking, only when she looked over to Clarke and met the blonde's tender gaze. She was leering at her, finding her so enthralling.

"What?" Lexa asked feeling a sudden blush flash across her cheeks. Clarke's only response was to lean over and plant a soft, chaste kiss on her lips, to which the two smiled and laughed into, losing themselves in the feel of one another.

Breaking away a few moments later, they continued their lazy day in bed. As the subject of scars carried on, leading to Clarke sharing a few stories of past clumsiness and bad timing to lighten the mood, more tales of Lexa's childhood came to the surface. She found it surprisingly easy to confide in her without the fear of being subjected to pitiful looks and judgement.

Clarke let her hands roam the expanse of Lexa's body, familiarizing herself in an entirely new way, stopping every so often, when she came across a mark she never took the time to notice until now. With every question she had, Lexa gave a complete and honest answer.

"How have I not noticed this one before?" Clarke wondered aloud as her fingertips ghosted over a scar on the brunette's left shoulder. Feeling Lexa suddenly tense up, she leaned in and looked at it more closely. "Is that…IS THAT A BULLET WOUND?!" She screamed shooting up to sit up to face her.

Lexa cringed having completely forgotten about that specific scar and the fact that she would have to explain to the blonde how she had acquired it. "Yyyyeaaaahhh."

"You've been shot?"

Lexa propped herself up on her elbows. "Clarke, I'm a cop, it shouldn't be that surprising." She said in a lighthearted tone, hoping to soften the discussion.

"I know but…still." Clarke shook her head. It was true, she knew cops got shot, but it was a whole other thing to know someone she was so close and intimate with had been one of them. "Please tell me that the asshole that shot you is rotting in prison or the ground."

"Um…not exactly." Lexa answered apprehensively.

"Did he get away?"

"Nnnnnoooooo."

Now Clarke was concerned at her reluctance. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Lexa sat up slightly and turns to face Clarke, feeling suddenly nervous. "Okay, in the spirit of being honest and always up front with you, I'm going to tell you…but I need you to not freak out."

"Why would I freak out? Lexa who shot you?"

The brunette took a deep breath, never breaking eye contact with the blues that were boring into her. "…It was Lincoln."

"WHAT?!"

"I can explain it." Lexa offered quickly.

"Lincoln shot you? You're friend Lincoln? _Octavia's_ Lincoln?"

"Yes, that Lincoln."

Clarke could feel the burning anger in her chest rising. Lexa had literally just finished telling her how she grew up with him, how he was the closest thing she had to a brother. Clarke knew Lincoln pretty well too. At least, she thought she did. "Why?"

"It was a hostage standoff kind of situation," Lexa began. "Just like what happened with you. Some rookie officer didn't clear the room properly, and a suspect who was hiding in the closest got the drop on me and held me a gunpoint. Lincoln drew his weapon, but the guy was holding me too tight and he couldn't get a clean shot…so I gave him permission to take the 'not so clean shot'."

"You _told_ him to shoot you?" She must have heard wrong.

"I did."

"What the hell Lexa?!"

"It was a through 'n through to my shoulder. I was fine and we got the guy. Lincoln is a great shot; I knew he could nail it so I wasn't worried. I trusted him."

Without warning, Clarke toppled Lexa, straddling her as she lay on her back. She placed her hands on either of the brunette's shoulders, pinning her down, slowly running them up until she cupped her face in her hands. With the utmost tenderness, she leaned down, ghosting her lips over Lexa's teasing her so her next words would sink in.

"Don't you _ever_ tell anyone to shoot you _again_." Clarke ordered huskily.

Lexa was barely paying attention, so awestruck "I promise."

"Good." Clarke leaned down and kissed her, rolling her hips into it. She let a quiet moan escape her throat before breaking away for a moment, not venturing too far. "I'm _so_ gonna kill Lincoln by the way. Just FYI." She said matter-of-factly.

Lexa shook her head, not caring about anything at this point but getting back the feeling of their lips being joined and the heat that had been coursing through her. "Go ahead." She said before leaning up to resume kissing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to offer a quick thanks to all those who have been reading, following, subscribing, commenting, etc. It really means a lot to me and I hope you're all enjoying this fic. I'm expecting about six more chapters (maybe a bit more) so just letting you all know what to expect. Thanks again and let me know what you guys think!!!!


	10. To Be The One Who Keeps You Safe At Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a slight confrontation with Lincoln. Minor break-in situation, then Lincoln tries to make amends with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated in a few months. My nephew was finally born and I've been caught up in all his adorableness. Thank you all to those who are still reading and sticking with this. Here is chapter 10. I bypassed the final editing process to get this out so let me know if there are any mistakes. Enjoy!

**Polis – A few days later**

Lexa couldn't shake that nagging feeling that had taken residence in the back of her mind. Ever since she walked through the doors to her usual bar and grabbed a stool next to Lincoln, there was this subtle hint of what felt like guilt coursing through her. It all began to suddenly make sense when she looked to the front doors just as Clarke & Octavia had entered. When blue eyes met green from across the room, they glanced a few feet to her left, and the smile that had been on the blonde's face immediately shifted to that of stern discontent.

Oh shit.

As Clarke made a beeline in their direction, Lexa turned to face Lincoln looking more nervous than she had ever been. "Your drinks are on me for the rest of the night." She told him quickly.

"What's the occasion?" Lincoln asked smiling at the offer, completely oblivious to what was going on.

"An apology."

His brows furrowed in confusion. "For what?"

_WHACK_

Lexa's face cringed in response to Clarke's abrupt slap across his face. "That."

"What the hell was that?!" Octavia shouted, coming to her boyfriend's side trying to soothe the stinging pain in his cheek that he had to be feeling. The bluish-green eyes of the EMT glared daggers at Clarke in a combination shock, anger and confusion.

"That was for putting a bullet in my girlfriend's shoulder."

Lincoln looked to a still cringing Lexa. "You told her?"

"Geez, Clarke." Octavia rolled her eyes. "That was two years ago!"

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. Back when I was partnered with Fox, she & I were the first responders. Who do you think patched her up and convinced her stubborn ass to go to the hospital?"

"To be fair," Lexa added, finally finding the frame of mind to speak. "you did threaten to run me over with your rig so I'd have no choice but go the ER."

"I'm sorry…what?" Clarke asked looking at Octavia astounded at hearing this new development.

"Oh, you gonna hit _me_ now too?"

Lincoln put his hands up and stepped between the two women who had been friends for too many years to count. "Okay. How about we all just calm down and talk this out?"

"I agree." Came Lexa. "With alcohol. Lots & lots of alcohol." She glanced behind her and signaled to the bartender to bring them a round of something strong. Clarke & Octavia remained silent, having a glaring contest.

"Clarke…" Lincoln pleaded to the blonde until her eyes were finally on him. "I'm sorry that I shot Lexa. In my defense, I didn't want to do it, but there weren't a whole lot of options. He would've killed her."

"He's right." Lexa offered. "The guy had a few screws loose. Killing a cop wouldn't exactly weigh on his conscience."

"If there was anything else I could have done, I would have. The last thing I'd ever want is to hurt my little sister." He noticed her demeanor relax a bit. "So, let's grab a table, some drinks and hang out like we always do… as a group of friends at the end of a long day."

If Clarke was being honest, she wasn't the slightest bit mad at Lincoln. At one point, sure, she had been but once her anger was released in the form of a slap to the face of her best-friend's boyfriend, she was fine. Although, she did find herself enjoying the fearful look she was getting from Lincoln. For whatever reason, the blonde was entertained by the idea of milking this as long as possible.

The four of them found a table towards the back and sat tentatively. At first, there was still some tension, naturally, but that was mostly between Clarke & Octavia. The two continued their icy stare-down and sent the occasional passive aggressive quip, but with every attempt at comic relief provided by Lincoln & Lexa, their tenacity towards each other faded that much more. Eventually, the air amongst the four of them was back to normal, and the earlier incident was mostly forgotten, though Lincoln still seemed to be treading lightly where Clarke was concerned.

* * *

 

Lexa and Clarke were curled up on the couch at the blonde's apartment. After another long day stuck doing surveillance for Lexa and the constant hustle & bustle of the ER for Clarke, the two found nothing but absolute comfort wrapped in each other's arms, splitting a bottle of wine with the TV on for background noise as they talked about random nothingness.

They were halfway through a decent bottle of Merlot when Clarke's morbid curiosity got the better of her. "What was Costia like?" The second the words left her mouth, she felt Lexa tense up and the blonde immediately filled with guilt seeing the look on her girlfriends face change from tranquility to discomfort. "I'm sorry." Clarke backpedaled, shifting her position to give Lexa space both physically & emotionally. "You don't have to talk about her if you don't want to."

"No, I want to tell you." Clarke looked back into green eyes when she felt Lexa's arm tighten it's hold around her, preventing her from getting too far. "It's just that…talking about her is still kind of hard and I don't want you to think that I haven't moved on and that I'm not serious about us."

"I won't think that." She reassured her. "If you say you're okay, then I believe you."

Lexa nodded before taking a deep breath, trying to muster up the courage to speak and figure out where to begin. After a few minutes and an encouraging squeeze of the hand from the woman beside her, she finally felt able to talk about the first girl she ever loved.

"Costia was… She was pretty great. She was beautiful and smart… but she was clumsy as hell." She let out a small chuckle causing Clarke to smile. "There are few people in this world who can trip over absolutely nothing, and let me tell you, she was one of them. And she had this crazy infectious laugh, like…. The dumbest of all jokes would send her into a fit of laughter and no matter how bad you tried to resist, you couldn't help but join in too."

"How'd you two meet?" Clarke asked softly.

"She worked as a real estate agent. She had just completed all of her training and got authorized by her brokerage to go out on her own. There was a house in North Edgebrook that went on the market. It was her first solo listing and she was preparing to do an open house. So, on the morning of, she gets there early to set up, goes into the living room and finds a guy hanging from the chandelier." Clarke's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Turns out he was the previous owner. He had lost his job, his wife left him and the bank foreclosed on the property so he decided to end it all. Anyway, she called 911. Lincoln & I were the first to arrive on scene, it was my second year on patrol. As I was taking her statement, all of a sudden she starts having a panic attack. Some sort of delayed episode of shock, totally normal." Clarke nodded her head having seen that sort of thing time and time again.

Lexa continued. "I calm her down long enough to get her to the paramedics and they sedated her." She shook her head, still baffled after all these years. "There was something about her, I have no idea what it was but I just… I went to the hospital and sat by her side until she woke up. I didn't want her to be alone. We talked for a little while but I had to get back to the station, so I had her contact someone to come be with her, gave her my card and told her that if she ever needed anything to give me a call. Even if it was just to talk. A few days later, she asked me to coffee. We talked some more… and we never stopped talking."

Clarke smiled. "Sounds like you were happy together."

"Yeah…" Lexa agreed after a moment. "We were. She & I were together for a little over three years. When I was recruited into Intelligence and made detective, she was the first person I told." She laughed. "I think she was more excited than I was. Damn near burst my eardrums from screaming so loud." Clarke laughed along for the seconds it lasted until it died down and she felt the tone shift. "About a year later, we picked up the John Murphy case."

"You said he went after her to get back at you."

"Yeah." And suddenly, the guilt returned. "I should have known he'd try something, that I couldn't just toy with him without there being consequences."

"Hey." Clarke said shifting closer to the brunette. "There's no way you could have predicted something like that."

"I was the lead detective on the case, I knew everything there was to know about him. I should have known that my actions would have made him shift his focus. He went after her because of me. One night I came home, our place was trashed, there was blood on the floor. I called out for her, I looked everywhere… she was gone. Drove myself crazy trying to find her. It felt like days when really it was only a couple of hours. Then we found her… but it was too late. And I never got to say goodbye."

Clarke lifted her hands to frame Lexa's face, pulling it until green eyes were matching her gaze. "Listen to me. John Murphy was a sociopath who was mad at the world and killed a bunch of people who got the opportunities he felt entitled to. You couldn't possibly have any reason to think he would target your girlfriend."

Lexa closed her eyes tight, not allowing the tears to fall. She felt Clarke pull her in, wrapping her arms around her, holding her with everything she had. Enclosed within her, body relaxed against the blonde, the guilt, the pain, every horrible feeling associated with her first love, floated away.

* * *

**Same Night – Approx. 3 AM**

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for the couple to fall asleep tangled into one another without having had sex first. Though, tonight was different. After Lexa revealed everything about her past with Costia, about her death and her guilt at thinking she was the cause, both women had been emotionally exhausted.

So they went to bed, Clarke resting her head in the crook of Lexa's neck, wrapping her arm around her waist both protectively and comfortingly, letting her know she wasn't alone. For that, Lexa was thankful. Not just thankful to the blonde for offering her solace, but thankful for the fact that she could talk about this woman who, at one point in her life, meant the world to her, and Clarke looked at her with nothing but understanding in her eyes. Lexa really had moved on. She had accepted Costia's death and moved on, but talking about her was still enough to spark that pain within her. Now, she was just grateful that she was with someone who understood what it meant to lose someone you loved.

Sleeping with Clarke in her arms was always what had her most relaxed. Nothing else in the world mattered. It was even the best sleep she ever got. Normally, nothing could stir Lexa awake, save for the husky whispers from the blonde or the feel of soft lips on her skin. A sudden far-off clattering sound reached her ears from the front of the apartment, and Lexa's eyes snapped open. At first, she thought she might be hearing things. As a cop the slightest sound could make her hypervigilant. But when Clarke's head popped up and looked at her quizzically, her body tensing, she knew something was off. Lexa quietly jumped out of bed and grabbed her gun off the nightstand just in time to hear another noise. When she looked over to Clarke, ready to instruct her to lock the door behind her and get ready to call 911, she was surprised to find the blonde up and gripping a baseball bat.

The brunette was so awestruck seeing the woman before her wearing nothing but her underwear and one of Lexa's CPD t-shirts with her hair thrown up into an untidy bun. For a moment, Lexa had forgotten where she was and what she was getting ready to do.

"W-what are you doing?" Lexa asked in a hushed whisper shaking her head trying to focus.

Clarke gave her a look like it should be the most obvious thing in the world. "What does it look like? I'm going to see what the hell is going on."

"No, you're not." She countered feeling a protective wave rise through her. "You're going to stay here, lock the door behind me and call 911 if I'm not back in 5 minutes or if you hear me shoot."

"Lexa, I'm not going to stay here while you go out there by yourself."

"I'm the one with the gun _and_ I'm the one who does this kind of thing for a living." Lexa argued.

"It's _my_ apartment." When Lexa looked like she was going to refuse again, Clarke stopped her. "Either you  & I go out there together, or neither of us go at all. Whoever's out there can just walk right on in here if they want."

The way she stood by her demand and her steely resolve watching Lexa weigh her options, it was a miracle this girl never became a lawyer. "Fine." Lexa relented. "But you stay right behind me and do whatever I tell you. Got it?"

"I promise." Clarke answered, trying to ignore the heat rising between her legs at the sight of her girlfriend being so commanding and protective.

The two women approached the bedroom door. Lexa was in front with Clarke standing immediately behind her. The detective stopped for a moment, turning back to the blonde and used her free hand to place a finger to her own lips, silently telling her to be as quiet as possible before grabbing the doorknob. Not since the day of the hospital shooting had Clarke been able to witness Lexa in action, and even then she never had the opportunity to fully appreciate how sexy she was.

Once they entered the hallway, Clarke took notice how Lexa swiftly switched into 'cop mode'. With her gun up aimed down the way, body set in a tactical stance, she advanced towards the front of the house hugging the wall. From the sounds they were both hearing, whoever was in the apartment were rifling around in the kitchen.

Though the lights were off, the moonlight streaming in from the window provided Lexa enough glow to make out at least two figures shuffling around. She used her free arm once again, blindly reaching behind herself to find Clarke and ensure that she was out of any danger, pushing her around the corner to the hallway. Once she was sure her girlfriend was safe, Lexa loudly and dramatically wracked her side arm, pulling the slide back and releasing it to snap back into place, creating the notorious sound that made the hairs on the backs of necks stand on end.

"Chicago Police! Stay where you are and put your hands up! NOW!" She commanded authoritatively, effectively getting their attention.

The next thing she heard was another loud clatter, then the kitchen lights turned on, illuminating both occupants who saw the gun trained at them and abruptly threw their hands up. The expression on both of their faces was riddled with fear and amusement all at once.

"Holy shit!"

"Don't shoot Commander! It's just me!"

Lexa immediately lowered her weapon once she recognized the so-called intruders as her best-friend and girlfriend's sister.

"Gina?!" She damn near screamed.

"Raven?!" Came Clarke who had since moved out from around the corner behind Lexa and was now standing at the brunette's side, glaring annoyingly at her sister.

"Hey Clarkey!" The EMT greeted loudly flashing the widest of smiles, hands still raised as Lexa had told her to do.

"What the hell are you doing here? It's 3 AM, you scared the shit out of us!"

"We were hungry." She replied innocently.

Lexa eyed them both suspiciously, scanning each of them for the tell-tale signs to prove her hunch. "Are you guys drunk?" She asked almost rhetorically, already knowing the answer.

"No." Gina piped up, unsuccessfully suppressing a chuckle. Soon after, both she and Raven erupted into full on laughter.

"I'm so taking back my emergency key." Clarke said shaking her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Why don't you guys try to help me understand," Lexa began starting to feel as frustrated as her girlfriend. "What led to you to get drunk and break in here at three o'clock in the morning."

"Uh," Raven said finally dropping her arms looking offended. "I have a key."

"Yeah." Gina added, popping a few chips in her mouth. "It's not breaking in if you have a key, Lex."

"Aren't you a cop? Shouldn't you know that kind of stuff?"

"It's like the first thing they teach us at the academy." The two invaders could have very well kept going back and forth without a care in the world.

"Actually," Lexa began. "I'm pretty sure the first thing they teach us at the academy is to not commit a crime."

Gina just stared at her partner, dazed and confused before uttering, "Touché."

Lexa clicked the safety back on her gun and tucked it into the waistband of her shorts at her lower back. Slowly, she felt the adrenaline dissipate and along with all remnants of sleep she had left. Turning back to glance at Clarke, she saw as the blonde mouthed a silent 'I'm sorry' before pulling her close and planting a gentle kiss to her forehead. Clarke leaned into the gesture and let her head rest on the brunette's shoulder.

"Damn, Clarke." Came Raven who had been watching the exchange between the two. "You sure know how to pick 'em."

"What are you talking about?" Clarke replied with a hint of annoyance in her tone.

"Well, I might be drunk, so don't take this the wrong way, but Lexa you look smokin' hot right now."

Clarke gave her most genuinely confused look. "Um, can you please not hit on my girlfriend right in front of me?"

"I'm not hitting on her," Raven defended herself. "I'm simply appreciating her sexiness in this moment. Not that you're not always sexy, but you standing there right now in your tank top and sleep shorts, holding your gun with your hair down… you look like Angelina Jolie or something."

"She's right." Added Gina, "If I weren't straight and wasn't busy climbing Blake mountain, I'd be all over you."

Lexa's eyes widened. "Wait, what!?" There's no way she heard that right.

"Oh yeah," Gina cringed realizing the information she accidentally let slip. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

"You… and Bellamy?"

"It's just sex, don't make a big deal out of it."

Lexa shook her head. "I wasn't going to, but I _am_ curious. How the hell did that start?"

"I just offered to help him take his mind off of things. He's been hung up on some girl for a while, so I thought I'd be his distraction since she's not interested."

"Who's the girl?"

Gina chanced an incredibly quick glance at Clarke for a split second. She may be drunk, and might have mistakenly revealed private knowledge, but she wasn't about to release the rest of the sensitive information, knowing full well the devastating can of worms that it would undoubtedly create. "Nobody we know."

"Who wouldn't want dear old Bellamy?" asked Raven. "Hell, I'll do him."

Clarke once again shook her head at her drunken sister. "What about Wick, Rae?"

The paramedic donned a blank expression, as if she had no idea what the blonde was talking about before she took on a sheepish smile. "Oh yeah."

"So I take it you both are crashing here tonight, then?" Clarke asked looking between the two inebriated women.

"If it's not too much trouble." said Raven. Even if it was trouble, she would have done it anyway.

"No, it's fine."

"Just try to keep it down." Added Lexa.

"Yes ma'am commander." Gina replied in a mock serious tone.

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, we're going back to bed. Goodnight." Said Clarke as the couple turned back towards the hallway ready to get back to the bedroom, when they were stopped by hearing Gina and Raven scream something at them in unison.

"Goodnight Clexa!"

"What?" Clarke was growing tired of their ridiculousness.

"Oh," came Gina, "that's a mashup of both your names."

"It's what we call the two of you. It's your couple name." Raven added.

"Like Brangelina or WayHaught."

Lexa stared at them in disbelief, then rolled her eyes and heads back into the bedroom, Clarke following close behind her, closing the door and both get back into bed. Lexa is removing her gun from behind her waistband and placing it back in its holster when they hear more noises coming from the kitchen, then Raven calling out an apology.

The brunette shook her head and moved to join her girlfriend beneath the covers. "Is this what having kids is going to be like?" she asked the blonde nonchalantly. What she failed to notice was the way Clarke looked at her. Hearing the detective mention the idea of having children, even in the offhanded way she just had was enough to make her heart skip a beat.

"Maybe." Was all Clarke could muster up to say.

Lexa turned to face her. "And they really call us 'Clexa'?"

Clarke just shrugged. "I think it's kinda cute."

Lexa thought on it for a moment. "Maybe you're right." Was the last thing she said, wrapping her arms around Clarke and pulling her in close, praying the two dimwits in the living room would stay quiet long enough for them to fall into a deep sleep.

* * *

**St. Joseph's General Hospital**

Clarke had been in better spirits. Sure, work went well. The ER always kept her busy enough to forget what was going on in the outside world. Though, now that her shift was over, and she was heading home just as most of the city was preparing to have dinner with friends and loved ones, she felt like the odd one out. Tonight, she was flying solo. Lexa wasn't off until the early hours of the morning and Raven & Octavia pulled the night shift. So, now her plans consisted of going home, alone to eat and watch TV until she dozed off.

Leaving the staff locker room after changing out of her scrubs, Clarke made her way towards the hospital's main entrance. Approaching the nurses station to say her final goodnights, she noticed Lincoln leaned up against the counter. He seemed to have been waiting for her because as soon as she came into his line of sight, he straightened up, turned to face her and gave his greatest attempt to smile.

"Lincoln?"

"Hey Clarke." He offered tentatively, trying his best to sound upbeat.

"What are you doing here?" She asked before her mind registered to the fact that he was there and was obviously scared. "Wait… Is Lexa alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Her and Bellamy pulled the overnight shift, so I stopped by to see if you wanted to go grab a drink with me."

The blonde took a moment to study his face. "Did Lexa put you up to this?"

"No, not at all. I asked her if it'd be okay, but she cautioned me that it might not be the greatest idea, especially given… everything. But I think you and I need to clear the air."

Clarke waited a moment or two before responding, mulling it over in her mind and enjoying watching him sweat. "Fine. I'm starving anyway."

* * *

**At the bar**

"So…" Lincoln began, trying not to quake under the icy glare coming from the blue eyes across from him. "Do you have any idea how long you're going to hate me?"

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully. She had to admit to herself that this charade had gone on long enough. "I don't hate you, Lincoln." It took everything she had to hold back her laughter seeing him visibly relax and take a breath that he had probably been holding since their last encounter at the bar. "Was I mad when I found out that my girlfriend was shot by someone we're both friends with? Yes. But I could never hate you. If anything, I'm incredibly grateful to you."

At that, he looked confused. "For shooting Lex?"

Again, Clarke rolled her eyes with amusement. "No. For giving her a family. For making her feel loved and wanted everyday she was with you and your parents and even long after that."

Lincoln smiled and chuckled. He could only imagine what Lexa had told the blonde about their shared upbringing. "Sounds like you heard a few of the Richards Family Fables."

Clarke nodded. "Oh, I've heard quite a few."

"Yeah, we had some great times. Lexa was the little sister I never had and the daughter my parents always wanted. Even Anya became part of the family."

Clarke let out a tenuous breath thinking back on the night of show n' tell with her girlfriends scar riddled body. "Seeing those scars all over her and hearing the story behind each and every one… I just… I hate the thought of anyone hurting her."

"Yeah." He nodded. "Same here." Then his head snapped back up giving her a look of confusion for the second time that night. "Wait, she told how she got _all_ of them?" Clarke nods leaving him both impressed  & shocked. "Wow. Getting her to talk about that stuff is like pulling teeth."

"I guess that makes me special."

"Well, I've seen the way she looks at you. Trust me… you are."

As they each took a sip from their respective drinks, they fell into a somewhat comfortable silence. There was still a slight bit of unresolved tension between the two and Clarke knew it was all on her.

"I'm sorry I slapped you. I hope you can forgive me." It sounded forced, but they both knew it was entirely genuine.

"There's nothing to forgive." Lincoln laughed. "We're all good Griffin." Feeling the uneasiness rise and float away, it was Lincoln's turn to study the blonde. "You're good for her. There was a time I didn't think she would ever find someone she would care about the way she cared about Costia. Then you happened."

"She told me about her." Clarke admitted feeling a sense of comfort with the man. She now understood all that Octavia raved about having the greatest boyfriend in the world.

"What did she tell you?"

"Everything. Losing my dad was tough, but I can't even imagine how painful it would be to lose your first love. Not to mention being the one to find her dead body…"

"She was still alive when we found her." Lincoln said setting his drink down.

Clarke was taken aback. "What?"

"Costia." He continued timidly, getting the sense that he had just ventured into unchartered waters. "When we found her, she was still alive."

"Oh. Lexa said that when you guys got to her it was too late and she never got the chance to say goodbye."

"Well that's true." He leaned forward resting his arms on the table, letting out a sigh before starting in on the tale. "Murphy was toying with her a lot, sending her sadistic little clues about where he left her, joking about finding her before time ran out. We finally found her beneath that overpass… she had been lying there for hours slowly bleeding out. We thought she was dead…" Lincoln's voice got softer as he spoke, staring down at the beer bottle he was rolling between his hands. All Clarke could do as she listened was keep her head down.

"Then she came to." He continued, causing the blonde's head to snap back up. She had no idea. "EMTs were still about two minutes away, but we all knew she didn't even have _that_ long. Lexa was holding her, trying not to fall apart… trying to keep her calm. Then she was just gone."

Clarke felt her stomach drop at the information. Losing someone you loved was bad enough, but holding them in your arms and looking them in the eyes at the exact moment the lights go out in them was unimaginable. She felt for Lexa more than she already had. What she didn't know, were the painful details that he omitted. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that as Lexa held her, Costia struggled to stay conscious, choking on the blood rising in her throat, though she tried to speak. She ignored Lexa's plea's to not strain herself and uttered her final declaration of love between wet coughs. Before Lexa could say it back, she felt the body in her arms go limp. Costia's head fell back and her eyes glazed over.

In that moment, for the first time since she was a kid, Lexa cried. She let the tears fall freely cradling the lifeless body, rocking back and forth. She didn't care that the members of her team were standing not too far off, watching sympathetically with tears in their eyes. That's when the ambulance pulled up. When the EMTs rushed out of the rig, they were stopped by the silent gesture of Gina raising her hand up to them and shaking her head. Everyone stood quietly for the next few minutes, giving Lexa her time to say goodbye. It was then & there that the ritual of honoring a lost life at the scene of the crime was adapted among the group. They all huddled together, sans Lexa, and hung their heads. When Lexa had finally composed herself she stood with her dead girlfriend lifted in her arms and carried her to the stretcher. Walking past her team, they parted like the Red Sea, allowing her to do what she needed to do. Once Costia was laid down peacefully, Lexa kissed her on the head, whispered a soft 'I'm sorry' and turned away. Lincoln could hear the iciness in her tone when she looked to her most trusted friends and said 'Let's get that son of a bitch'.

Lincoln skipped past those dreadful parts and instead went on to tell her about how after that night, Lexa changed. She put everything she had into finding and catching Murphy, determined to put him away. And she did just that. They caught him. Lexa contemplated killing him. "Something about 'Blood must have Blood'." Lincoln had said.

He took a deep breath. Sometimes it still pained him to think back and relive the memories of the worst time in his sister's life. But he kept going and told Clarke about the aftermath, feeling that she deserved to know that Lexa had gone through emotional hell, but had eventually come out the other side.

After Murphy was imprisoned, Lexa took a few weeks off, shut off from the world in a drunken stupor in her apartment until Anya, Indra & Lincoln came and snapped her out of it. They got her up and out of the house and helped her cope and move on. When she got back to work, she was different from that point on. Then Clarke happened. For that, it was now Lincoln who was grateful. Having known Clarke for as long he has through Octavia, he knew he could trust her with his baby sister's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. I'm working on the next chapter right now, but it was brought to my attention that the direction in which this fic is heading is pretty transparent. I get that it may be a bit cliché, but I started writing this story back when season 2 was airing. So right now, I'm debating changing up the ending. If I do, it will take me a hell of a lot longer to get the remaining chapters out. I'd really appreciate your guys opinion on the matter to help me decide what to do. Please help. Either comment on here or on my tumblr jaycal14.tumblr.com. Thanks again!!!!!


	11. When You Can't Face Your Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case comes to a close but not without it's complications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Something major occurs in this chapter. Most of you probably saw this coming, but please bear with me & trust me. I appreciate all those who have been reading and giving me constant feedback and words of encouragement. I was able to write this chapter in two days in an insomnia induced haze and rushed to post it so let me know if there are any mistakes or areas of confusion. Thanks!

Eight Months. Eight of the longest months she has ever experienced in all her years in this profession. Eight months working a sporadic schedule, most of that time being confined in a stuffy surveillance van or a dusty, moldy and run-down apartment building. During which she and her colleagues would have no choice but to dine on junk food and Gatorade.

The tight spaces, mountains of paperwork and crazy hours were all par for the course with this job. It was nothing she couldn't handle. What really tested her limits, was the fact that she had to practically jump through hoops to spend even five minutes alone with Clarke. Lexa thanked whatever higher power that would listen that the blonde was so understanding through all of it. For every late night, Clarke was there to bring her coffee & a decent meal. Whenever Lexa was blessed with a day off and she'd be too exhausted to do anything, Clarke had no problem spending all afternoon cuddled up beneath the sheets stroking the soft, chestnut locks to lull her girlfriend to sleep. Those were the days Lexa wished she could hold onto. It was days and nights spent with Clarke that had her most at peace and relaxed as she felt herself falling for the doctor more and more with every moment passed.

Though she had been feeling herself fall in love with Clarke since the moment they started seeing each other, she could never bring herself to tell her. Every time she started to think maybe she could, she would chicken out and clam up. As hard as she tried not to, her mind would think back to the last woman she had ever said those three words to. Lexa knew that Clarke was not Costia. She knew that the odds of losing Clarke the way she lost Costia was astronomical, but the fear of going through that kind of heartbreak for a second time was enough to perpetuate that tiny yet persistent flame of fear that sat deep within her.

But today was the day. For the last couple of weeks, Lexa had been fighting an internal battle with that fear, hoping to put it to rest once and for all and allow her to completely move on from the past. And tonight, she was planning a special evening out to tell Clarke how she felt.

Lexa had never been so giddy. She got into this line of work for the action, that rush of adrenaline that coursed through her veins every time she and her team were hunting down a suspect or even several. It may sound crazy to some, but for the 26-year-old brunette, this is what she knew how to do & do best. Every methodical move she made was second nature to her, pure instinct, as though it was embedded in her DNA. Given who her father is (or was) it was not surprising to those who had worked with them both.

Now, as her team gathered together in the bullpen along with members of the drug squad and the head of the Special Weapons and Tactics (SWAT) team, she felt herself growing more and more anxious to get out there. Sgt. Byrne, Sgt. Denby and Lieutenant Rivo of SWAT stood before them and ran through the game plan one last time to ensure they were all on the same page. Rivo's team would take the lead, taking the four separate points of entry by force and releasing flash bang and tear gas grenades to subdue all those inside. It was the easiest way to prevent the situation from escalating. The detectives from both units and the assisting uniformed officers would then enter next while all the suspects were disoriented, and make the arrests before seizing all the drugs as evidence. It was a sound plan.

"Any questions?" Rivo asked the room. Head shakes and shrugs were the only response he got back. He took one last look around the room. "Alright then. Let's suit up!" With that, everyone broke off to their respective areas throughout the precinct to prepare before meeting up in another 30 minutes at the station garage to leave.

Lexa was in the middle of putting on her tactical wear. Every member of Intelligence donned the same ensemble for operations just like this. A black long-sleeved Under Armour shirt, black Urban Ops tactical pants, their bullet-proof vest, thermal fleece gloves to aid in the grip of their assault rifles, and leg holsters to carry their back-up side-arms. Lexa always loved the process of suiting up, it was like getting ready for game-day. She was brought out of her pre-op routine by the sound of her phone ringing. Any other time, she would be a little bit more than irritated, as if her sacred ritual was interrupted and that act would affect her performance, but when she looked at the caller id, all she could do was smile. Any care she had about the disruption floated away as she hit the accept button and brought the phone up to her ear.

"Hey there beautiful." Lexa spoke clearly into the receiver, her smile evident in her voice.

"Hey babe. I'm not catching you at a bad time, am I?"

"No, you're fine. We just finished going over last minute details and now we're about to start suiting up to get ready to go. How are you?"

"Fine." Clarke replied. "I just wanted to wish you luck. I know how hard you've been working on this case for the last few months, so I hope it all goes well."

If it were at all possible, Lexa's smile grew at how thoughtful her girlfriend could be. It was the little things that counted, and it was those same sentiments that had her falling for this incredible woman every day. "That's really, sweet of you."

"Well, I was also wondering how late you were planning to be. I mean I know it's a big day with a major bust and all... and if everything goes right, Miller comes home today so everyone might wanna celebrate at Polis tonight." Clarke couldn't help her rambling. She really wanted to see her girlfriend tonight and hoped that the craziness would subside for a while with the close of this case.

"If this bust goes our way, I'm going to have a shit ton of paperwork." Lexa paused for dramatic effect. "But all that is going to have to wait, because I made reservations for us at Trishana tonight. How does eight o'clock sound?"

Clarke tried not to let her enthusiasm flow through her tone. She failed. "That sounds great. But that's a pretty fancy restaurant and I know that kinda stuff makes you uncomfortable. We really don't have to..."

Lexa politely interrupted. "Seeing you all dressed up is worth all the discomfort in the world. Besides, I wanna take you out tonight to celebrate."

"Oh really? And what are we celebrating?"

"You." Lexa answered seriously. "This case has been nothing but crazy schedules, late nights, taking up a _lot_ of time and energy... and you have been so patient and understanding throughout all of it these last few months. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Not too many people could tolerate dating someone like me, so I want you to know how grateful I am to be with you."

"Sounds to me like you're one lucky detective to score a catch like me." Clarke replied playfully.

"I sure am." Lexa looked over and saw Gina walking over to her. "Listen I gotta go, we're getting suited up and heading out. I'll call you when all the craziness is said and done."

"Alright. Good luck and please... be careful."

"Always. Bye."

"Bye, babe."

Lexa hung up the phone and placed it in one of the pockets of her pants and zipped it close to ensure it wouldn't fall out during the chaos. Gina approached her so the two could help each other with the straps on their Kevlar and do a final once over as they always did for each other.

"Y'know I've been meaning to ask how things are with you and Clarke." She inquired as she stood behind Lexa and adjusted the straps on her vest to secure it into place.

Lexa smiled thinking of the blonde and the direction their relationship would hopefully be heading by the end of the night. "They're great. And, hopefully, after today... they'll be even better."

"Why?" Gina asked curiously. "What's so special about today?"

"I'm taking Clarke out to dinner tonight."

"Where?"

"Trishana." Lexa replied skeptically wondering what kind of response it would elicit. Luckily she and her friend had to switch places so she could now help her with her vest.

"Oooohh." Gina sang. "That ritzy restaurant that's decorated like a glowing forest? That place is fancy. What's the occasion?" Gina turned her head when she was met with silence. She saw the look on Lexa's face and could read it instantly. "Oh my god! You're gonna do it, aren't you? You're gonna tell Clarke you love her."

Lexa paused. Thinking it and saying it aloud are two very different things entirely, but she smiled anyway. "â€¦yeah. I am."

"That's awesome, Lex. You and Clarke have something great. I'm really happy for you."

"You think she feels the same way?" Lexa knew it was ridiculous to ask, but a part of her was still terrified of the possibility of rejection.

"I have no doubt in my mind that that girl is head over heels in love with you. She's probably waiting on you to say it first given... everything."

"Well, here's hoping."

* * *

The raid of the warehouse where Sankru operated out of was quick and painless. SWAT cleared the way for Intelligence and the Drug squad to make all the necessary arrests and begin seizing the drugs, money and bullets they found at the scene. They weren't able to arrest everyone they knew to be complicit. Most members of the organization hadn't been there when they stormed in, but their plan now was to transport all those they had managed to apprehend to the precinct to question them. With any luck, one of them would agree to a plea bargain and give up the names of those in charge.

Lexa was riding shotgun in her and Bellamy's unmarked car, leading the way for the transport van behind them and the other cars following them to assist. She kept an eye out on the road and everything around them, more vigilant than usual in case anyone tried anything. Chances of that happening were nil, but it never hurt to be cautious.

Riding behind the transport van, in their own car were Gina & Mbege from the drug unit. She had of course been against it, but they needed at least one detective from the drug unit assisting the transport while the rest stayed behind with Lincoln & Wick to oversee the techs who processed the scene and collect the evidence. Miller, still having to maintain his cover for the time being, was riding in the van, patiently awaiting their arrival to the precinct so he can get back to his life. He liked working undercover, but eight months was far too long to be away from Bryan. He had decided shortly after starting this case that it would be the last one he would accept. Just another 20 minutes and they'd arrive.

* * *

Clarke finished her rounds and was heading back to the ER. Her mind was on autopilot trying to envision her closet from memory. She wanted to look nice for Lexa tonight. Knowing the kind of day the detective was going to have, the fact that she still insisted that the two of them go to dinner, to a type of restaurant that made her uncomfortable no less, gave Clarke a feeling that there was more to it than just a simple 'thank you for putting up with me dinner'.

For the past few weeks, the blonde has been enduring her own battle within herself. She knew she was in love with Lexa, had known it for months. Hell, a part of her was convinced that she started falling in love with the brunette the night they first met sharing a drink at Polis. But in all that time, she resolved to never say anything to the other girl. After the everything Lexa had been through in her life, saying she was guarded was the understatement of the century. Clarke knew that if she were to profess her love to her, it might cause the detective to pull away, in more ways than one.

Though tonight might change all of that. In the last few weeks she had noticed things with Lexa. They had gotten somewhat of a handle on maneuvering through each other's schedules to spend as much time together as possible, and in all that time Lexa had been... different. She was still the same woman she had always been, but lately, whenever Clarke gazed into her eyes, those gorgeous green orbs she adored, she saw something much more tender than simple affection looking back at her. Lexa looked at her with an intense passion that the blonde could only describe as love.

Walking up to the nurse's station in the ER, she couldn't help the anxiousness she felt thinking tonight just might be the night. Lexa was probably going to utter three words she hasn't said to anyone in over three years. Clarke knew she had to be patient, but she also knew that if the brunette did tell her how she felt, she would waste a second to admit that she reciprocated whole-heartedly.

Clarke was so lost in her own mind, she hadn't even noticed Lorelai approaching the counter with her phone to her ear and a look of concern on her face.

"Okay, we'll be ready." She spoke calmly into the receiver before hanging up and raising her voice to address the entire wing. "Alright, listen up everyone! A criminal transport van was ambushed on its way to the 26th precinct after cops raided a warehouse earlier this afternoon. I don't have the specifics, but a gun fight broke out in the middle of a crowded intersection and there are a lot of casualties, cops included. Dispatch is sending all available ambo's and routing them here once SWAT gets a handle on a situation, so we need to get ready for triage! Bring up all extra supplies we have & page the OR, tell them to get them cleared out for emergency surgeries! ETA on the first Ambulance is five minutes, so let's get moving people!"

Clarke felt her stomach drop as every staff member of the hospital began moving with haste. The chatter picked up as nurses and orderlies speculated as to what was happening on the streets of the city. Some pulled out their phones, hoping to see footage taken by people in the area posted to social media. She approached her mentor, trying her hardest to sound as calm as possible in spite of all the terror rising within her. "Um... Dr. Tsing, did dispatch tell you _which_ cops were injured?"

Lorelai was a pit distracted, typing away on her phone to alert every doctor she could think of to come and offer their assistance. "No, they didn't." She looked up and met Clarke's eyes. "Listen, I'm sure Lexa's fine." She tried to reassure her before walking away to direct everyone further.

Clarke's hands shook as she reached into her scrubs pocket and pulled out her phone. It didn't take her long to find Lexa's number and hit the call button.

' _This is Detective Carey. Please, leave a message.'_ Came the voice she craved to hear. She just wished it was actually her and not a recording.

"Lexa... babe, please, just... call me as soon as you get this, okay?" Clarke hit the end call button and searched for another number to call. It rang a few times before she was once again met with a voicemail recording.

' _You've reached Detective Blake. Leave a message.'_

"Dammit." She murmured to herself. There was no use. If neither of them were able to pick up, all she could do was wait and hope. Clarke took a deep breath to compose herself and began helping with the preparations for the incoming patients.

Raven & Octavia wheeled in their patient through the ambulance bay entrance of the ER, shouting out the specifics of their injuries and handed them off to the attending in charge. Once their stretcher was cleared, they moved over to the nurse's station to fill out their paperwork before heading back out to the madness.

That's where Clarke finds them, getting a small glimmer of hope that they'd have the information she was so desperately seeking. "Raven! Octavia! Hey, when you guys were at the scene did you see if Lexa was there?"

Raven shook her head sadly at her little sister. "We didn't see her, but I'm sure she was there."

"Things were pretty, chaotic." Octavia added. "Some of the SWAT guys had to provide cover for us so we could get to our victim. I mean, I barely caught a glimpse of Bellamy, but if he was there Lexa had to have been."

"I've been trying to call her. I called Bellamy. All I'm getting is voicemails."

"I'm not surprised. It's like a war zone out there." Raven told her remembering just how intense things had been.

"Is there anything you guys can tell me? All I've heard is that there was an ambush, they exchanged gunfire and a lot of people were hit, cops included."

"As far as we know, it was a lot of civilians, uniformed officers and one guy from the SWAT team. We haven't heard anything about Intelligence. But things were still popping off as we were leaving."

Raven stepped forward and put a hand on the blondes shoulder wanting to help ease the worry that she knew was building up with every second that passed. "Listen, Clarke. I'm sure she's fine. Look, we gotta get back out there. I'll call you if I hear anything. I promise."

"Okay... thanks. Be careful." Clarke told them as they grabbed their stuff to leave.

"You too." Raven called back. The two EMTs were almost to the door when Abby stepped off the elevator on the other side of the room and got their attention making her way over to them.

"Raven!"

The brunette whipped her head around as her mother approached. "Mom."

Abby reached out and pulled her oldest into a hug. "Glad I caught you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am. We're heading out on another call, though."

"Okay. But be careful!" She looked to Octavia who had over the years become like a daughter to her as well. "â€¦both of you! Things are getting pretty, crazy out there."

"Yes ma'am." Octavia replied.

As both girls exited the hospital, Abby turned towards the nurses station and saw her youngest staring down at her phone, concern evident on her face as she typed furiously away to who she could only assume was her girlfriend.

"Worried about Lexa?" She asked as she walked up to her daughter.

Clarke couldn't bring herself to look up from her phone, not wanting to miss the possibility that Lexa's reply would come through. "Yeah. I haven't heard from her."

"You will." Her words did nothing to lessen the young girls anxiety. "Okay, c'mon. You're taking a break."

"I can't," Clarke began finally meeting her mother's eyes, "things are about to get really chaotic here."

"Well it hasn't just yet, but when it does you're not going to be able to do your job if you're upset. Let's go."

* * *

**Break Room**

Abby and Clarke sat at a table in the back of one of the break rooms, each with a small cup of coffee in their hands. "How did you do this all the time, mom? When Marcus was a detective and he walked out that door every day... how did you keep yourself from completely falling apart not knowing if he'd ever come home?"

"It wasn't easy." She said honestly. "A lot of times I would try to distract myself... either with work or spending time with you girls. Keeping your mind occupied with other things helps to stop you from jumping to worst case scenario... Why do you think I always pushed for us to have a 'Girls Night' twice a week?" She let out a chuckle reminiscing back on the days she would constantly nag both her girls into spending time with her. "Though, it got easier after he was promoted."

Abby thought back to that particular time and hated that her daughter was going through the same emotional turmoil that she had once went through. When Marcus was still a detective, he worked as constantly as Lexa so, naturally, she worried. After he got his promotion she reveled in the relief that he spent more time behind a desk and less time out in the field.

"I don't think I've ever been so scared before."

"You care about her." The older woman stated knowingly, giving voice to what she had observed between the two over the last several months. "Lexa is a great cop. She is more than capable of handling herself in tough situations. I'm sure she's fine and the minute she gets the chance, she _will_ call you."

As if on cue, both doctors heard their pagers going off, signifying that the first wave of victims from the chaos that had erupted outside were arriving in the next few minutes.

Abby looked back up at her daughter with determination. "Okay. I know you have a million thoughts running through your mind right now & telling you to forget about it won't do a damn thing to help. But you have a job to do, one that you are great at and there are people out there that need your help. _Use_ that to distract yourself until you hear from Lexa. Can you do that Clarke?"

Clarke took a deep breath to calm her growing nerves and focus on her work before looking back up and giving her mother a firm nod. "Yes. I can do it."

* * *

**Two Hours Later**

Time seemed to fly by yet pass all too slow as Clarke assisted with all victims coming in, be it cops, perps or people who just got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Every time a stretcher rolled through the ambulance bay doors, she would inadvertently hold her breath as she scanned the face of the sufferer, releasing that breath in relief every time that isn't Lexa. She tried to check her phone as often as she could, trying not to get discouraged when she was met with no new notifications.

Clarke had just finished up with a patient in one of the exam rooms when another team of EMTs rushed through the doors with another victim. Before she could reach them, she saw Dr. Tsing run up to take lead, a few nurses behind her.

"What do we have?" Lorelai yelled over all the other noise. She couldn't see much of the person who occupied the gurney. There was a significant amount of blood and one of the EMTs was straddling the patient, performing chest compressions while also pumping the BMV bag to provide air through the mask on their face.

"Female officer. Mid to late 20's. Single GSW to the right torso. Bullet went through the vest. She's also got a severe contusion to the back of her head. Crashed on the way in."

"Okay, switch it we got this." They rolled the gurney next to the bed of the nearest available exam room. "Page Dr. Nyko in the O.R., tell him we're coming. Stop compressions." The EMT jumps off the stretcher and removes the mask to get out of Dr. Tsing's way and let her and her team take over. Lorelai places her fingers on the victims pulse point to check her vitals. As the BMV mask is pulled away, she finally gets a good look at the person she's treating. Looking down at the woman on her table, she freezes recognizing who it is. "Lexa?"

When she looks up towards the door of the exam room, she does so just in time to see Clarke's face fall drastically and tears flood her eyes from her place in the doorway where she had been watching the whole time wanting to offer her assistance if necessary.

Dr. Tsing felt for her young protégée in that moment, but immediately snapped back into action, wanting to do everything she could to save the woman she had come to consider a friend. "We have a rhythm, but her breathing is shallow, get her on the table on my count. 1, 2, 3." Everyone on her team grabs an end of the backboard and transfers her onto the exam bed.

Clarke couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She stood in the doorway frozen in place, hoping this was some twisted daydream and she had at some point fallen asleep in the on-call room. It wasn't. People in scrubs shuffled around, moving faster than she had ever seen them before. She wanted to help. She needed to help. Clarke took a step forward, heading right for Lexa when a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind and pulled her back out into the hallway.

"Clarke... you need to let them work." Came her mother's soft voice in her ear. "It's okay... she's going to be okay." Clarke heard the words, but was too focused on the happenings in the room before her to debate whether or not she could believe them.

Maya's voice found the blonde's ear next, causing her to tune in to every movement made. "BP is 80 over 60."

"It looks like the bullet broke apart when it passed through her vest." Dr. Tsing announced as she examined the wound and tried to get the bleeding under control.

"78 over 56."

"I need a portable x-ray to find where those pieces landed." Within a few seconds, one of the nurses brought over a portable x-ray and set it up for Dr. Tsing to take a quick scan. "Okay, we need to get her up to the O.R. now."

To make an increasingly bad situation even worse, Lexa begins coughing up blood. Clarke felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she heard Lorelai shout at everyone to hurry. On her way out into the hallway to follow them to the OR, she stopped at Clarke & Abby to update them.

"The bullet broke apart and one of the pieces punctured her lung causing her to bleed into it. There's another piece lodged into her liver and one of her kidney's. She's got a lot of internal bleeding and pretty serious head wound, but I don't know how bad it is just yet. We're taking her up to surgery right now."

"Do whatever you have to." Abby spoke up, tone authoritative yet gentle. "Anything you need, it's yours."

Dr. Tsing nodded to her Chief and redirected her attention down to the blonde in her arms. "Does she have any family?"

"Uh... A sister." Clarke finally croaked out.

"She'll need to be notified." She stated more towards Abby. Lorelai placed her hands on Clarke's shoulders gently prompting the blonde to lift her tear-filled gaze up to hers. "Clarke, I promise you I will do everything in my power to help her."

"Thank You."

As Dr. Tsing turned to leave and make her way up to the OR to join Dr. Nyko in Lexa's surgery, Clarke leaned further into her mother's embrace and let the tears fall freely not caring that she was standing in the middle of a busy ER. Abby did her best to console her and calm her down, but even she knew that given the circumstances, all she could do was hold her daughter until the tears let up on their own.

They stood there for a few moments longer and Clarke's crying had begun to taper off. Looking over her daughter's shoulder, Abby saw a few familiar faces approach them and she knew Clarke would want to talk to them.

Lincoln was leading a group as they walked up to Clarke. Once she noticed them, Abby excused herself to get an update on the situation and a rundown of all the patients' status.

"Clarke!" Lincoln called to her, bringing her in for a tight hug. "How is she?" As they pulled away, she took notice of the red in his eyes and knew he had been crying. How could he not? It wasn't just her girlfriend whose life was on the line, it was his sister too.

"They just took her up to surgery. What happened?" She asked looking around to the members of the team, noting how they all looked as though they had come straight from a horrendous battlefield.

"It's my fault." Bellamy said stepping forward on the verge of tears himself. "I didn't see the shooter, she pushed me out of the way, but then she got hit."

Clarke looked confused. "Wasn't she wearing her vest?"

"The crew we've been after were using a special kind of bullet," Wick informed her, "specifically designed to pierce police armor."

"They're called 'Cop Killers'." Gina added wishing she hadn't as soon as the words left her mouth and saw the blonde's face pale.

"Oh my god."

Bellamy's voice started breaking. "Clarke... I am so sorry."

Clarke started fighting off another bout of tears herself. "It's not your fault." Lincoln pulled her in for another hug just seconds before she begins bawling all over again. This round doesn't last as long as the first one had, as a realization dawned on her. Pulling away, she looked up at Lincoln. "I need to call her sisterâ€¦ Anya."

"Indra's already taking care of that." He reassured her as Abby re-approached them.

"Marcus just got here." She informs them all. "Why don't we all go and join everyone else in the waiting room until we hear news."

* * *

**Waiting Room - Six hours later**

No one said a word. The waiting room was eerily quiet as the inhabitants gathered together, anxiously awaiting an update on their friends' condition. Clarke had rarely ever seen so many uniformed officers gathered in one place, which was saying something considering she had attended many CPD functions in her life. Had she not been so distraught with the fact that she didn't know how Lexa was doing, the sight of so many people collected out of concern for the brunette would have warmed her heart.

There were limited seats available in the section they were in, so chairs were prioritized to those on her team and who worked closely with her. Lincoln sat hunched over, his head resting in his hands. Octavia was next to him, looping her arm through one of his. Wick and Raven were seated next to one another, fingers interlaced and both looking to the ground. Clarke found herself sitting between her mother and stepfather. As her head rested on Abby's shoulder, receiving gentle and comforting head strokes from the woman, Marcus held her hand, every once in a while, giving it a light squeeze for reassurance. Bellamy was leaning up against one of the far pillars away from the group, too overcome with guilt to be closer to anyone. Indra & Sgt. Byrne were sitting close by. But Gina was pacing back and forth, chewing on her fingernails.

"God, it's been six hours!" She nearly shouted, growing too impatient with concern. "Shouldn't we have heard something by now? One of those doctors should have come down here with an update or something! This is ridiculous!"

Miller got up from his seat on the other side of Lincoln and steps in front of Gina, stopping her in her tracks and placing both hands on her shoulders. "Hey." He started in a soft tone. "Relax, they're in there patching her up right now. They need to focus on that, not on us."

He knew her well enough to know that she was just terrified. Her best friend, the toughest and fearless person she had ever known, was gunned down right in front of her. Gina didn't know what any of them would do if they lost her.

"I'm sorry," she let out, fighting back tears. "I just..." Words eluded her as Miller pulled her into a hug. As he wrapped his arms around her, she broke down.

"I know, I know." He soothed. "But she's going to be okay, though. It's Lexa we're talking about. She won't go down without a fight." Miller holds her and whispers quiet words to her for a little longer until she finally calmed down and the silence once again descends upon the waiting room.

It didn't last long, however, because the doors opened up and in ran a tall, tan blonde with sharp cheekbones. No one noticed her as she made a beeline for the nurse's station, but all eyes went up the minute she spoke. "I'm looking for Detective Lexa Carey. She was brought in a while ago from a gunshot."

"Anya!" Indra shouted, making her way towards the woman. Clarke looked up recognizing the name.

"Indra!" Anya hastily met Indra halfway to her. "What happened? Is she alright?"

"She's still in surgery, we haven't heard anything yet, but one of the doctors should be down in a minute."

"Where was she hit?" Anya asked.

Indra took a deep breath not wanting to tell her, but she refused to lie to her where her sister was concerned given the parental-like role she had taken in her life. "...the abdomen." Anya gripped the older woman's arms to steady herself as she closed her eyes and took a calming breath. In all her life, she willed herself to be strong for her little sister, and now she needed to be more than ever.

As if on cue, Dr. Nyko approaches the large group that had been gathering steadily for the last several hours. "Who's here for Detective Carey?" He announces loud enough to get everyone's attention. When they all stand and look to him, he looks overwhelmed not knowing who specifically to address.

"I'm her sister." Anya said stepping forward towards the surgeon.

"She's okay." Nyko began. "There was a lot of internal bleeding which we got under control. All the bullet fragments we recovered and she stabilized. When she went down, she hit her head, pretty severely. I've noticed some swelling on her brain, but I won't know how serious it is until she's conscious which she won't be for a while. We're going to monitor her for now."

"Okay. Can I see her?" Anya asked with a bit of relief.

"You can. She's in the ICU. Only two at a time for right now."

"Indra." She stated to the woman at her side. She didn't think she could see her sister laid up in a hospital bed without the woman who was by her side the last time Lexa was brought in. She was only a kid back then who, all of a sudden. had to step up and become a legal guardian to a battered eight-year-old.

"I'll come with you." Indra assured her before turning back to everyone else. "I'll be right back."

Everything seemed to happen too fast for Clarke to register what had just transpired. The first thing that her brain retained, was that for the most part Lexa was alright. She survived the bullet and had come out of the surgery in decent shape. That allowed her a bit of relief. Though, most of it faded when it dawned on her that she couldn't visit her just yet.

Abby, sensing her daughter's overwhelming thought process gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, prompting her to look up at her. She quietly promised her that she needed to be patient just a little while longer and she would be able to see Lexa soon. Clarke trusted her mother. She didn't know it yet, but the woman had already arranged for the detective to be transported to a private recovery room in the ICU and instructed every staff member on the floor to make sure she had round-the-clock care and the best of everything. Lexa was family, and Abby only ever wanted the best for her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.


	12. Now The Tables Turn And You're The One In Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets to see Lexa and meets Anya for the first time; Someone unexpected visits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I have to say please trust me. It gets a bit intense but I promise it gets better. I appreciate all the kind words and comments after my last post. It helped me break through my writers block and type this chapter out. So here it is. Let me know if there are any mistakes I may have overlooked. Thanks & enjoy!

… **Later…**

Clarke feels like she's moving on autopilot. She knew these hallways like the back of her hand, but right now, she didn't know which way was which. If it wasn't for her mother walking with her, providing support, both literally and in every other sense of the word, she probably wouldn't have been able to find the room on her own.

Before she knew it, she was standing in the ICU, in front of the door for room 319. Looking to the left, she saw the tag identifying the patient. _L. Carey_. Shutting her eyes tight, she tried to prepare herself for what she would be walking into. Being a doctor, she's seen it all, though she had never had any personal attachment to the patients, so Clarke was definitely out of her element.

Abby ran her hand up and down her daughter's arm, coaxing her out of her stupor and silently letting her know that she could do this, then knocked on the door a few times as she opened it slowly. Clarke's eyes fell on Lexa's form laying in the bed with a breathing tube down her throat. IV's and wires had her attached to machines tracking her vitals and stability. Her legs nearly fell out from under her and she could have collapsed right then and there. Any other time, Lexa making her weak in the knees was something she cherished, but not in this capacity. This time it was absolutely heartbreaking.

Anya's attention was too focused on gazing upon her sister's cataleptic form, that she hadn't even noticed the two women enter the room. Indra was the one to look over and acknowledge their presence.

"Anya." Indra spoke, breaking the silence as she walked towards the two to make the introductions. "This is Dr. Abigail Griffin-Kane. She's the Chief Administrator of the hospital, and this is her daughter-"

"-Clarke." Anya said finally tearing her eyes away from Lexa. "I was hoping you'd be here. I'm glad I finally got to meet you." The taller blonde rose from her seat and crossed the room to pull Clarke in for a soft hug. "She'd be happy knowing you're here."

"I spoke to Dr. Nyko." Clarke said as they eventually broke apart. "Her vitals are getting better."

Anya nodded having heard the info earlier. "Yeah. But they're still concerned with the swelling on her brain…I've been talking to her. Not sure if she can even hear me, but it's been helping me deal with this."

"Her hearing familiar voices could definitely help." Abby reassured her.

"I'm actually kind of glad you said that 'cuz it makes me feel less foolish."

"You're not foolish. I was hoping to get the chance to do the same thing."

"Yeah." Anya agreed and walked back to Lexa's bedside, leaning closely towards her ear. "Hey, Lexa." She whispered softly. "Clarke's here." Motioning with her head, she signaled for Clarke to join her.

Clarke ventures to the opposite side of Lexa's bed from Anya, leaning into her other ear, stroking her head sweetly as she did so. She chokes back tears, willing herself to keep it together in case Lexa can actually hear her. "Hey, Lex." She murmured. "I'm right here babe, & I'll be right here until you wake up…I'm not going anywhere." With those last words, she placed a kiss on the brunette's forehead and took a seat in the chair her mother had quietly pulled up behind her, grabbing Lexa's hand and interlacing their fingers. Now, all she could do was wait and had every intention of doing just that, having promised both Lexa and herself that she wasn't going anywhere.

And she didn't. Clarke never left Lexa's side. All other happenings in the outside world and all other responsibilities went forgotten by the blonde as she spent every waking second seated next to the unconscious brunette. Hospital policy disallowed anyone from staying after visiting hours for patients in the ICU, but policy be damned. Nothing was getting Clarke to leave her girlfriends side and quite frankly, nobody on the hospital staff planned to kick out the daughter of the hospital's Chief Administrator or one of their best attending's.

* * *

Four days had passed. Four days, and there was no change in Lexa's state. Four days that blurred together for Clarke. She refused to leave. The only time she ever rose from the chair was to stretch or go to the bathroom. Her mother and sister brought her food every so often, but she hardly ever touched it, despite how persistently they tried to urge her to eat.

Sleep was another necessity she tried to avoid. Clarke feared that any moment she wasn't mentally present, something would change and she wanted to be there when Lexa woke up… or if she didn't.

Eventually, Clarke's exhaustion won out, and she drifted off to sleep. With her hand still intertwined in Lexa's, and her head resting on the beds edge near her legs, she slept. She dreamt of all the good times they shared, the laughs, the lazy kisses, the warm cuddles on the couch. It was enough to make her forget about their current situation. Temporarily anyway.

"Clarke…hey." Anya said in a hushed tone, gently shaking the younger blonde's shoulder.

Anya had stayed for the first two days, but decided to go home so she could shower, change, eat and deal with the aftermath of her abrupt departure from her work trip. When she got the call from Indra about what happened to Lexa, Anya left in the middle of her meeting, rented a car and drove like a bat out of hell from Cleveland and didn't stop until she got to the hospital, turning a five-and-a-half hour trip into four hours. She got a call from her boss during the drive and had to explain to him why she just up and left but his tone changed when he learned her sister was in critical condition. Anya's assistant was tasked with bringing her suitcases back from the hotel she was staying at and returning the rental car.

The only reason she felt comfortable with leaving the hospital, was the fact that Clarke was there. She could see the genuine care this woman had for her baby sister and knew that she was leaving her in good hands while she recharged and slept in her own bed for the first time in months.

Clarke stirred a bit, letting out a groaned, "Hmm?". She cracked open her eyes and was brought back into reality.

"Sorry." Anya apologized. "I got you some coffee?" She said holding up a cup from the cafeteria downstairs. Clarke never cared much for the hospitals coffee, if that's what you could even call it, but at this point, she would take all the caffeine she could get.

"Oh, thank you." She took the cup from Anya and took a tentative sip to test the temperature, mentally kicking herself for drifting off in the first place. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's good that you did. You've been up since she was admitted. I was starting to worry about you too."

"I just…want to be alert in case anything happens. Especially if she wakes up."

"I get that." Anya agreed.

From there, their conversation continued into idle chit chat, soon turning into Anya telling childhood stories about what Lexa was like when she was younger. Clarke remembered a handful of them told to her from the subject herself, noting minor variations between both versions of the same stories. She reminded herself to bring it up with the both of them once Lexa woke up. She had to wake up.

Anya's laughter was dying down from her latest tale, when they were interrupted by a light knock on the already open door. Both turned their heads to see a woman standing there, wide eyes fixed on Lexa with a fearful expression.

"How is she?" She asked glancing over at Anya momentarily. Clarke broke her gaze from the woman to Anya just in time to see the blonde's face fall into a scowl.

"What are you doing here, Nia?" Anya said with a menacing tone.

"I heard about what happened." Nia replied, choosing to bypass the malice in her voice. "I wanted to see for myself that she was okay…if she needed anything."

"If she does, it won't come from you."

"Please, Anya. I drove all night worried out of my mind. Just give me five minutes."

"No." Anya said sternly. "You need to leave now."

"I'm her mother!" Nia all but shouted. At that, Clarke's eyes widened. She could see the slightest hint of resemblance between Lexa and Nia, but she was told that the woman hadn't been a part of her daughter's life in over 20 years, so she had never thought of it until now.

"No, a mother actually raises their child." Anya stated with hatred, standing up to face her former step-mother. "They don't disappear and leave a five-year-old all alone to fend for herself against a bitter, abusive, drunk."

Nia stopped and looked at Anya, horrified at what she had just heard. "What?"

Anya let out a bitter laugh. "See, if you had been around, you'd know. After you left, dad started drinking, then he started hitting her. Three years that went on. 'Til finally I get a call from Indra that Lexa was in the hospital because he threw her down a flight of stairs." The tears that had been slowly collecting in Nia's eyes began to quietly fall as she stared at her daughter's motionless form, hearing what her ex-husband had put the young girl through. "None of that would have happened if you hadn't left her. If you couldn't be there for her then, you don't get to be here for her now. So, leave."

"Anya-"

"There are a group of cops rotating in and out in shifts to make sure she's okay…if you're not gone in six seconds I'll scream so loud that every single one of them will be here in the blink of an eye."

Nia stood frozen in the doorway for a few moments staring at Lexa as her entire body flooded with guilt. She looked between the two blonde women sitting on either side of the bed before muttering out a choked up and quiet "I'm sorry" and turning to leave.

There was a moment where everything was quiet, save for the beeping of the monitors. Anya took a deep breath, fighting off tears from remembering the last time she had to visit an unconscious Lexa in the hospital. "Congratulations, you just met your girlfriend's mother." She laughed again, wiping a tear from her eye.

All Clarke could do was nod. "Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"Yeah. I just hate thinking that she had to go through all that for such a long time." Anya walked back to her little sister's bedside, taking her hand in her own and gazing down at her lovingly. "Sometimes I blame myself for not coming home. If I had, I could have put a stop to it."

"There was no way you could have known. And you taking her in the way you did was the best thing for her." She could see Anya's features soften more as she took in the younger girl's words. "She once told me that it was living with you that taught her how to be tough.

No…" Anya said, eyes never leaving Lexa, "she was way tougher than me, long before that."

Both blondes shared a smile, each holding a hand of the brown haired, green-eyed detective they both loved. This wasn't exactly the way Clarke had pictured the three of them once she finally met Anya, but Lexa was stable and was bound to wake up soon.

Suddenly, Clarke and Anya were each pulled out of their daydreaming from the loud, erratic and high-pitched beeping coming from some of the monitors. Clarke looked up and saw the screens flashing red numbers and displaying information that needed to be handled immediately. Clarke wanted nothing more than to jump into action, but knew she couldn't. Even if she were allowed, she found herself drawing a blank. All medical training she ever had, all those years of school, and everything she learned vanished as she saw her girlfriend laying in the bed needing help.

"Anya get back…." Clarke ordered her as she rushed to the door to shout into the hallway. "I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE NOW!"

"What's happening?" Anya asked in a panic, looking back and forth between Clarke and her sister.

"I don't know." Clarke pulls Anya outside the room with her as Maya enters the room quickly, reading the monitors and cluing in to what was going on. As another nurse rushes in, Maya shouts to her.

"She's in V-Tach! Call a code and get a crash cart!" As the second nurse runs back out the door, Maya lowers the incline of Lexa's bed to lay her flat and began chest compressions. Dr. Tsing & team rush in seconds later along with Dr. Nyko and immediately got to work, their first order of business is to remove the breathing tube from her throat.

"Oh my god!" Came Anya as she and Clarke watched from the hallway through the window that looked into the room. Both had tears in their eyes falling freely down their cheeks, holding each other for emotional & physical support. Neither hardly noticed that Abby & Indra had rushed up behind them.

Dr. Nyko stood off to the side as Dr. Tsing and her team shuffled around the room, working in tandem to prepare the crash cart when Lexa suddenly flat-lines. "Pulseless V-Tach!" Dr. Tsing shouts over the noise, trying not to let the panic in her voice give way. "Let's get ready to shock!" Maya grabs the paddles as another nurse sets up the defibrillator. "Set it to 150 Joules, Bi-phasic!"

"Everyone stand clear!" Maya shouts. She places both paddles to Lexa's chest and shocks her, causing her body to spasm slightly and fall limp once again. Maya looks to the monitors once again. "Heartrate's rising over 200!"

"Let's hit her again!" Lorelai says.

"Clear!" Lexa is shocked again and Maya checks the monitors. "Asystole!" Maya shouts.

"Resume compressions!" Lorelai calls out, reaching for a syringe while Maya hands the paddles off and starts compressions again. "Pushing 1 amp epi!" Dr. Tsing took the syringe filled with epinephrine and plunges it into Lexa's IV. "Give her breaths." A second nurse uses a BVM, placing the mask over Lexa's nose and mouth, squeezing the bag to give her breaths. "Pause for rhythm check!" Both nurses break from their actions, allowing Dr. Tsing to manually check her pulse. "We got a shockable rhythm! Up it to 200 joules!"

"Clear!" Lexa is shocked for a third time, yet the flatline continues to ring out.

Dr. Tsing grew frustrated. "One more time!" Maya doesn't move, only looks to the doctor in charge. "Just do it again!" Lorelai yells with a hint of annoyance.

Maya reluctantly places the paddles to Lexa's chest once more. "Clear!" She shouts, shocking Lexa for the fourth time, only to hear the flatline continue.

"C'mon Lexa." Lorelai mutters under her breath, waiting for her to bounce back. "C'mon."

Dr. Nyko steps forward from his place in the corner, observing everything in case she needed to go into another surgery. "We gotta call it." He tells Dr. Tsing softly, knowing this is the last thing she wants to do. The woman hangs her head as everyone around them stops their actions.

Clarke's whole world stopped at the sound of those words. Lorelai looked to her with regret in her eyes. Anya soon caught on and could no longer hold her resolve. She, like her sister, prided herself on being able to maintain a strong façade to all those around them, but in this moment, there was nothing she could do to hold it or herself up any longer.

As her legs gave way beneath her, and she collapsed to the ground, Anya let it all out. Indra reached out to steady her, trying to offer her comfort on the way down. It was to no avail. The tall blonde was broken.

Clarke had succumbed to her tears as well. Not since her father passed had she cried so heavily. Entirely overcome with anguish, she willed herself to move. Stepping around her girlfriend's distraught older sister, she rushed back into the room that only twenty minutes earlier was so calm. Hurrying past Dr. Tsing's team, who all parted to make way for her as though she were royalty, Clarke headed straight for Lexa and damn near threw herself to her. She wrapped her arms around the brunette and buried her head into the crook of her neck, weeping into the pillow she laid her head upon.

Abby, having followed her in, could only watch with tears clouding her eyes as her youngest daughter broke down right before her. Having seen the way her daughter interacted with her girlfriend, it was clear to anyone that they had something special. The Chief Administrator couldn't help but feel upset as well. In the past few months, Lexa had come to be a distinctive fixture in all their lives. So this would be hard on everyone, especially Clarke.

Just then, the once silent room is filled with a sound louder than anything Clarke has ever heard in her entire life. The continuous resonance of the heart monitor denoting the end of a life, altered itself to that of tones, reverberating one after the other, echoing off every surface it touched. It was a heartbeat. It was Lexa's heartbeat. Clarke lifted her head from where she laid it next to Lexa's, eyes glistening from tears that had yet to fall, and looked back and forth from the monitor and an equally shocked Dr. Tsing.

The older woman made her way around the bed and placed two fingers to Lexa's pulse point, hoping and praying, for the blonde's sake, that the woman laid before her hadn't left before her time.

"That's a sinus rhythm." Lorelai announced with a touch of excitement. She then leaned over Lexa, holding her hair back and hovering her ear close to her nose to listen for breath sounds, beaming when she heard that precious sound. "We got her back!" She breathed out in relief. Looking to Dr. Nyko with the utmost joy she said, "We're not calling anything."

* * *

The craziness had since subsided. The team assisting Lorelai had restored the order in the room, collecting all instruments, machines and supplies they had used in the course of chaos that went into keeping Lexa alive.

Normalcy had resumed. Well, as close to normal as could be, given the circumstances. Clarke was sitting in her usual chair pulled up to Lexa's bedside. She leaned over the edge, her arms resting on the bed as she grabbed hold of her girlfriend's hand. All she could do was stare at her. Her blue eyes trained at the brunette's, using her closed eyelids as her focal point, as though she could will them to open with a simple thought.

"You know you scared the hell outta me." Clarke spoke softly to the rooms only other occupant. "I really hope you can hear me right now. If you can…please wake up. Just come back to me." Her voice began to break. The tears collecting in her eyes started to fall one after the other. "I need you…I can't do this without you. Don't make me go on without you." Clarke wiped the tears away with her free hand and straightened up, speaking more sternly. "Open your eyes. C'mon baby, open your eyes." She pled with a tinge of hope, but it fell on deaf ears. "Lexa…" she begged, "please wake up."

A light knock brought her back to her surroundings. Abby stepped through the partially opened doorway to come up behind her daughter. Clarke quickly wiped all evidence of tears having been shed from off her cheeks and cleared her throat to rid herself of the growing knot from within it. Little did she know, her mother had been standing just outside and had heard her pleas to the unconscious woman just before she came in. For her daughter's sake, Abby feigned ignorance to her cries of hope.

"I just talked with Dr. Tsing & Dr. Nyko." The older woman informed. "When they put her on the ventilator, it released a blood clot from her lung and stopped her heart. That's why she flat-lined. But the swelling is subsiding just like they hoped. So, now we just wait for her to wake up." Clarke's only response was to nod. Abby looked around the room, noticing that they were alone. "Where's Anya?"

"Filling out some forms."

"How are you holding up?" Abby asked putting her hand on the young blonde's shoulder.

Clarke let out a sigh of frustration at the contact. "I'm doing everything I can not to fall apart." She said as her voice broke again.

"Give her some more time. Keep doing what you have been. She'll wake up."

"I'd give anything…just to hear her voice…or to have her open her eyes." Blue eyes filled with tears once again, never leaving Lexa's sleeping form.

Abby took notice in her daughter's tone and the way she looked at the girl laying in the bed and it all made sense to her. She had seen the two interact with one another, but the way Clarke was looking at her now, was different. "You love her." It wasn't a question, it was a realization.

With her gaze never faltering, Clarke nodded. "Yeah, I do….so much. And I need her to wake up so I can tell her that. I need her to know that."

"She already knows."

"How?"

Abby knelt down to match Clarke's eye level. Sensing her mother's movement, Clarke turned to face her, eager to hear the explanation to validate her statement. "I've seen the two of you together. I see the way you look at her. How she looks at you. How you are with one another. Believe me, she knows, even if you've never told her. But you will get the chance."

* * *

**The Next Day…**

Clarke lounged on the cushioned bench against the wall of Lexa's hospital room, sketching the still unconscious brunette in her sketchpad that Marcus thankfully brought for her along with some of her other things. He truly was a godsend. The only sounds that filled the room were the precious melody being emitted from the heart monitor and the scraping of Clarke's pencils on the page. The silence was starting to get to her. Anya had gone to grab something to eat that didn't come from the hospital's cafeteria. Abby was working but still stopped in occasionally. Gina, Wick, Miller & Lincoln came in everyday to check on Lexa, bring Clarke food and offer her some mild conversation. Raven & Octavia stopped in every time they brought in a patient. Raven brought her a change of clothes and stopped by her apartment to check her mail and water her plants.

"Clarke?" Came a familiar voice from the doorway.

"Bellamy, hey." She set her sketchbook down on the couch and stood up to greet him, pulling him in for a gentle hug. He hardly returned the gesture, but Clarke didn't hold it against him. "I, uh, I was wondering when you'd come by."

"I know I should have been here a long time ago. I've come a couple of times, but I always stayed downstairs. I could never get the strength to come up here." Clarke watched him move his eyes to Lexa and stood there frozen with a painful look on his face.

"Why not?" She asked.

"I couldn't face you. I-I didn't know how." He glanced over to see a confused Clarke. "That bullet was meant for me. Lexa pushed me out of the way. I didn't even know what had happened until we went down…and I was the only one to get back up. Clarke…I am so sorry. It should be me laying there not her. After everything she's been through, she's finally happy, then this happens. This is all my fault. You shouldn't be going through this."

Bellamy began tearing up remembering all that happened that day. Clarke could see him shaking slightly and led him to the couch and sat him down.

"Bellamy, listen to me." She began softly. "This is in no way your fault. This is on the guy that shot her. When Lexa cares about someone, she does whatever it takes to protect them, and that's what she was doing with you. She cares about you, you're her partner. You and I both know that she would do it again in a heartbeat. And the last thing she would want is you blaming yourself for this."

He had no words. He knew Clarke was right, but the guilt was eating at him ravenously. The tears that had built up, started to quietly fall. Bellamy put his head in his hands with his arms propped up on his knees. Clarke sat next to him, running her hand up and down his back to calm him the way her mother had done a few days ago.

It took a few minutes for him to calm back down. And when he did he apologized. He apologized for breaking down like that, he apologized for not coming to visit sooner, he apologized for all the wrong he felt he had done since that day.

"Bell…." Clarke started hesitantly after a few minutes of quiet. "What happened that day?" She asked him. Part of her thought it may be a bad idea, but a larger part of her needed to know that it was worth something.

Bellamy gave her a reluctant look. He didn't think any good could come from her hearing every detail about the situation that put Lexa in that hospital bed. He was getting ready to say as much, but Clarke beat him to the punch.

"Please, Bellamy. I need to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked that and it wasn't too upsetting. I'm working on the next chapter now. Not sure when I'll have it up though.


	13. You Showed Me There's A Life Worth Fighting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I appreciate all the kind words and comments. You guys are awesome. I anticipate about two more chapters left, then I hope to begin a sequel if enough of you guys are interested in that. let me know what you think. I forewent any serious editing to get this out quicker so let me know if there are any mistakes or confusing areas.
> 
> PS - Trigger Warning: The first scene is about what happened the day Lexa got shot. I hope it doesn't upset anyone. If it does I'm sorry, but like I said... trust me.

**The Day of the Ambush...**

They were twenty minutes out. Twenty minutes and they were home free. This investigative aspect of this case would be done with. The next stage would be getting the criminals they had captured in an interrogation room one at a time to verify all the information they had gathered over the course of the last eight months.

Lexa loved being in interrogation. To her, it was fun, it was a game of sorts. Sitting across from a felon, staring them down and studying them, trying to find their weakness and exploiting it the second she could pinpoint its source. She was the master of clever tactics, deception and subtle manipulation to get people to sing like a canary. Each and every person that sat across from her was unique. They each provided their own challenge, and Lexa never backed down from a challenge.

The car was quiet. Bellamy's focus was on the road ahead whereas Lexa was keeping an eye on their surroundings. Both were basking in the comfortable silence. It was a comfort that came from years of being partnered, learning each other's ways and personalities. Nothing needed to be said and both were perfectly fine with that.

In the follow car, Gina and Mbege too sat in silence, though not for any other reason than pure annoyance. Mbege came up with Gina, Bellamy, Lexa and Miller in the academy together and there had always been animosity. Mbege was arrogant and competitive, often getting angry when he was beaten out in certain challenges presented to the cadets, mostly by Lexa. When he wasn't shit-talking the guys or trying to get a rise out of Lexa, he would persistently hit on Gina. Despite her constant declines to his offensive advances, he'd hardly ever let up. It finally came to a stop when word got out that Sergeant Byrne was tapping young officers from the precinct to join her notorious team of elite investigators. Mbege wanted a spot in that unit so bad, and when he was passed over for not having a professional rapport with the rest of his colleagues, his animosity towards them grew ten-fold.

Now he and Gina sat in an awkward filled silence, keeping their thoughts to themselves hoping the time passed quickly. The only ever sound came from the radio where Lexa or Bellamy called in for an update from there end that there was nothing going on.

Each of them were pulled from their thoughts by the roaring sound of a motor behind them growing closer and closer. Gina looked in her rearview mirror while Mbege turned in his seat to get a better look out the back window. Behind them, a man dressed in black leather from head to toe and a black helmet with a deep tinted visor sped towards them.

"What is this joker doing?" Gina asked annoyed to no one in particular from behind the wheel.

"No idea." Mbege replied grabbing the radio from the center console. "26-Adam-7. We got a bogey on a motorbike approaching our six. Standby."

"Copy that 26-Adam-7." Came the voice from dispatch on the other end.

"Car 1," Mbege spoke again to Bellamy & Lexa. "Be on alert, he's headed your way." The motorcyclist rode past them and continued alongside the transport bus, getting closer to the lead car.

"Copy that." Bellamy said. "We got eyes on him." He checked his driver side mirror, watching the rider get closer and closer. Lexa reached behind her to the back seats to get her assault rifle ready just in case. As the rider approached the driver's side of their vehicle, he looked over and seemed to have a staring contest with the two detectives as if he were challenging them. He hovered for a few seconds before revving the bike and speeding ahead, racing down the open road before them.

Both Bellamy and Lexa kept their eyes on him as he increased his distance. They watched him advance for another hundred yards or so before sliding to stop. Reaching into his leather riding jacket, the rider pulled out an HK MP5K and aimed it right at the oncoming detectives.

"BELLAMY!" Lexa shouted in warning just before he slammed on the brakes. She threw one hand on the dash and another on the roof to brace herself and keep her steady so she was ready to jump into action when they finally came to a stop.

The tires on their unmarked screeched loudly, grabbing the attention on everyone in the vicinity, including the driver of the transport bus immediately behind them. Having not noticed the situation in time, he swerved to the right to avoid hitting the car leading his way, but he was going too fast and had been following too closely. The bus struck the back corner on the passenger's side. The impact caused their car to spin and then flip from the momentum. Their vehicle overturned twice before landing on its side, driver side up.

Lexa felt like she had been unconscious for hours, but when she came to, she realized it had only been a moment or two. She blinked a few times, clearing out the blurriness from her vision. Sounds slowly rose in her ears back to their normal height. Gina's voice came through the radio in a panic.

"SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME! LEXA!... BELLAMY!... ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT?!"

Bellamy slowly reached for the radio, grunting from his seat where he was strapped in. The seatbelt around him dug into his chest, causing him to dangle to the side.

"You good?" He asked struggling to breath. All Lexa could do was nod as she got her bearings. Bellamy brought the radio to his mouth and responded to a worried Gina. "We're good. Just got knocked around a bit. How's it looking out there? What's going on?"

"Oh thank god." She breathed into the receiver with relief, but it was short lived. "We've got a situation forming out here. You guys are gonna have to hang tight until we can get you outta there."

Bellamy dropped the radio and looked down at his partner who had yet to say a word. "I don't know about you, but there's no way in hell I'm sitting in this damn car. What do you say we bust out of here?"

"I'm with you." Lexa said hoarsely. She undid her seatbelt, slowly standing up in the car to help Bellamy as he unclipped himself without falling. The space was incredibly narrow for them both to stand comfortably. After some maneuvering, each of them grabbed their assault rifles, checked their leg holsters for their service pistols and readjusted the straps on their vests before climbing out of the car.

Bellamy went first, using the seat and the dashboard to place his feet and hoist himself up, opening the driver's side door to exit out of. From below, Lexa handed him his Sig M400 before she too climbed out of the car behind him, her gun slung around her backside.

Hearing the sound of cans falling to the asphalt around them, followed by a hissing, they notice the air around them become clouded. Smoke grenades. They each jumped down to the ground and drew their weapons, straining their eyes to see through the haze and locate Gina & Mbege. Before either of them could call out their names, shots ricocheted all around them, forcing them to take cover behind their overturned car.

"10-1! 10-1! SHOTS FIRED AT THE POLICE AT WEST GRAND & ASHTON! WE NEED BACKUP IMMEDIATELY! I REPEAT. SHOTS FIRED! BE ADVISED THERE ARE PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICERS ON SCENE!"

The frazzled voice that came through over the radio was Gina. Lexa and Bellamy felt a tinge of relief in knowing that she was otherwise alright. The channel they were on was then inundated with voices from dispatch alerting the rest of the force and all officers in the area announcing their ETA.

As the smoke began to dissipate, Lexa poked her head around the front end of their car and could see a figure approaching cautiously with his gun raised to his hip. With the greatest of ease, she aimed around the corner at him and pulled the trigger, sending him falling to the ground with a scream.

While Lexa and Bellamy stood their ground behind their car, preventing the Sankru's further advancement, Gina & Mbege secured the doors to the van carrying the prisoners to ensure that they couldn't get broken out.

Their only option now was to stand their ground and wait for backup to arrive. Shots were coming from several directions and there was no way to count just how many they were up against. All round them, civilians ran for their lives, screaming in terror, crashing their cars into one another in a futile attempt to get themselves out of harm's way. Lexa couldn't help but think that this must be what it was like for a soldier serving overseas.

It was several minutes before they could hear sirens in the distance, though they weren't growing closer. In all the madness, people had abandoned their vehicles to take cover elsewhere causing traffic on every street. Through the radio, they could hear Lieutenant Rivo announce the arrival of he and his team, telling the detectives to sit tight and they were making their way to get them as soon as they could. SWAT's first priority was to clear the area of all civilians.

At one point, Lexa heard Lincoln's voice over the radio saying he and Wick were less than a minute away. She felt relieved. Within the next few minutes, all this insanity would be over. The cavalry had arrived and Lexa could feel the pressure lessen instantaneously. From all around them, the calls from SWAT for the offenders to surrender, release any and all grabbed civilians and drops their weapons could be heard by both Lexa and Bellamy. They shared a look from their places and continued preventing anyone in their area from advancing to the bus.

After shooting down yet another one of Sankru's associate's, Lexa ducked back behind the underside of the overturned car to reload her Sig M400. As she released the spent magazine and let it fall to the ground, she reached around her belt clip to grab a fresh one when she caught movement out the corner of her eye. She looked up to see one of the thugs duck behind a car that had been abandoned in the mess of things. Watching as he raised his gun to aim at an oblivious Bellamy, Lexa struggled to grab her magazine, getting it caught in the straps to hold it in place in her haste. Even if she had been able to free it from its pouch and insert it into her weapon, there was no chance she could have gotten a clean shot off in time or accurately enough, given the angle she had on him.

"BELL!" She shouted at him in alarm, but it fell on ears that were already occupied by the shots he was taking. Without another thought or time to waste, Lexa ran to her partner and tackled him out of the way just as the goon pulled the trigger.

Seeing that he missed his shot, the Sankru member rose up from his crouched position and stepped out into the open to get a better visual. Just as he did, Bellamy rolled over, gun raised and sent several bullets into his chest, sending him to the ground in a bloody mess.

That was the last sound of a weapon being discharged. Aside from the slightly heightened sound of everyday noise filling this once eventless intersection, all was quiet. It was over.

Bellamy laid back down, catching his breath and basking in the relief that they had made it out of this unscathed. Over his panting and loud heartbeat, he heard the radio on his hip come to life with Lt. Rivo's voice filling the soundwaves.

"This is Lieutenant Rivo. Northwest & Southwest corners are clear. Offenders have either been taken down or are in custody. Everyone else report."

"Northeast is clear." Came Lincoln's voice.

"Bus is secure. We're all clear." Gina announced.

Bellamy unclipped the radio from his waistband and brought it up to his mouth. "We're all good on our end." He breathed out, then looked over to his partner. "Right Lex?" He got no answer. "Lexa?" Bellamy leaned up to get a better look, praying she was just screwing around with him.

Quickly, he rolled her over from her side to lay flat on her back and his eyes immediately found the gaping hole in her vest, giving him a clear view to the wound on the right side of her stomach where the bullet had landed. Bellamy looked in horror at his partner, watching her struggle to take a breath, a small droplet of blood trickled down the side of her cheek from the corner of her mouth.

"LEXA!" He screamed, unable and unwilling to hide the fear in his voice, grabbing the radio once again. "OFFICER DOWN! OFFICER DOWN! I NEED AN RA UNIT AT THE SOUTHEAST CORNER OF WEST GRAND & ASHLAND NOW!" Once his message had gone out, he dropped the radio and brought both of his shaking hands to cover the bullet hole, putting as much pressure on it at he could. "Hold on Lex, just hold on!"

"Bellamy!" He heard Gina shout for him followed by several heavy footsteps, all moving fast.

"Over here!"

Bellamy looked up to see Gina, Lincoln, Wick & Lt. Rivo rush over to him, crowding around both he and his semi-conscious partner.

"What happened?" Lincoln asked kneeling next to him with tears filling his eyes.

"Lexa was hit. I didn't realize until after we both went down. Where are the medics?"

"Raven & Octavia already left." Wick told him. "I think Fox & Mel are caught up in the jam, they can't get through."

"It'll take my guys at least twenty minutes to clear that up." Rivo said regretfully.

Lincoln shook his head, refusing to resign Lexa's fate to their current predicament. "Screw that." He said before scooping her up bridal style and standing up.

"You can't move her!" Rivo warned him.

"She's my sister. I'm not going to let her bleed out in the street like a piece of trash while she waits for help to get here."

With that, Lincoln started running through the street cradling Lexa in his arms, dipping and dodging between cars while Gina & Bellamy cleared a path of onlookers and officers, leading the way to the ambulance. Wick called ahead over the radio to both Mel & Fox, so by the time they got to the ambulance, both girls were ready for them, ushering Lincoln to set her on the stretcher and loaded her in the back of the rig. Gina and Bellamy climbed into the back after Mel while Fox hopped in the driver's seat. Lincoln closed the doors behind them and pounded on the window, signaling Fox that she was clear to go.

The sirens never sounded so loud to him. As Lincoln watched to ambulance drive down the street towards the hospital, he could still make out the occupants in the back through the window all moving around to help his baby sister. Standing there alone, he allowed a tear to fall, pleading with the higher powers that she be okay. That single tear was all he allowed himself. Wiping any evidence of it off his face, he turned around to find Wick, grab their car and navigate their way out of the packed intersection and get to St. Jo's as soon as possible.

Gina did as Mel told her and sat behind Lexa, holding a pack of gauze to the back of her best-friend's head while Bellamy helped the EMT open her vest and hook her up to an IV. After the loaded the stretcher into the rig, it was then they discovered that after she got shot, she hit her head as she fell to the ground.

The madness that filled the streets several minutes ago was nothing compared to the turmoil that had overcome the back of ambulance 13 the second the monitors Lexa was hooked up to began to beep erratically. She was crashing.

Mel jumped into action and started doing CPR. She continued to compress the detectives chest repeatedly as she told Gina to grab the BMV bag from behind her, place the mask over Lexa's mouth & nose, and give her breaths. They continued the cycle when the ambulance pulled up to the hospital and the orderlies opened up the back to pull out the stretcher. Mel hopped up onto the gurney with the patient, being mindful of her other injuries, and kept up her chest compressions as they carted her out of the rig and into the ER.

Bellamy and Gina knew this was as far as they could go. They stood side-by-side, watching as their friend and colleague was wheeled away by a team of medical professionals through a set of double doors.

* * *

**Now...**

The air smelled chemical. That was the first sense that came back to Lexa as her mindful presence slowly re-inhabited her body and became aware of her surroundings. Her mouth was dry, yet she could distinctly taste the remnants of a bizarre combination of plastic and iron.

Her body felt limp, at least, the parts that didn't feel bruised, broken and tender. Her ears picked up a faint machine hum, overlapped by a rhythmic beep, sounding in cadence with the subtle beat in her chest. Heart monitor.

Sight was next. Lexa struggled slightly as her eyes fluttered open, lashes stuck together after several days of inactivity. Her lids cracked open, blinding her with a rush of the white fluorescent lighting coming from above. She let her eyes adjust before opening them up any further. Every muscle felt weak. Straining her neck, she lifted her head up off the pillow to look around the room. As she went to move her hands to use them as support, she felt her left hand was already occupied by another.

Lexa's eyes fell to the head laying on the bed next to her legs. She would recognize those blonde strands anywhere. Clarke. Without realizing it or even meaning to, she smiled and squeezed her hand with the blondes to get her attention. Normally, she hated to wake her when she was most at peace, but Lexa needed desperately to see those beautiful blue eyes and get lost in them as she always did.

Clarke felt the hand in hers tighten its grip slightly and began to stir in her sleep. Chalking the movement up to her exhausted and hopeful imagination, but when she felt it again, she lifted her head and opened her eyes, surprised when they were met with the soft green of her girlfriend's.

"Lexa?" She called out quietly. Part of her still thought she may be dreaming or hallucinating, but when Lexa spoke for the first time in what seemed like weeks, nothing felt more real to Clarke.

"Hey beautiful." Came the brunette's coarse and gravelly voice. Clarke stood from her chair, leaning closer to her and bringing her hands to rest on Lexa's face, needing to feel her, stare her down and confirm with ocular and physical proof that she was awake. That she was alive and she was alright.

"Hi." She spoke, both laughing and crying. She let her thumbs caress the smooth skin under the green eyes looking back at her with adoration, then pressed their foreheads together, peppering her lips with light kisses every so often. "How are you feeling?"

"A lot better now."

Clarke lets out a slight sniffle as she stands back up, unaware that she had started crying. "Anya." She calls across the room to the sleeping blonde on the couch. Lexa follows her gaze, not having noticed there was anyone else in the room before that point. "Anya, wake up."

The older girl shifts around a bit, lifting her head to glare down whoever woke her, as she momentarily forgot where she was.

"She's up."

At those words, Anya's eyes grow wide. "What?" She jumps to her feet making her way over to her younger sister's bedside. "Oh my god." She lets out excitedly when she sees it for herself. "Hey sis."

"You're both here." Lexa states.

"Yeah. Of course we are."

"This is not exactly the way I wanted the two of you to meet." The two blondes surrounding her share a genuine laugh at the nonchalant statement, knowing right then and there that they had their Lexa back.

* * *

**Later...**

Dr. Tsing held the end of her stethoscope to Lexa's bare chest under the hospital gown and listened intently to the movement of the organs beneath her flesh, focusing on any anomalies caused by the strain from her injuries. Given all that she had been through within the last week, everything sounded as well as could be expected.

"Your heart and lungs are sounding _a lot_ better." Dr. Tsing said with hope. "There's still quite a bit of damage you're recovering from so you're going to be very weak. How are you feeling?"

"Like I got speared in the chest." Lexa said dryly. Clarke let out a chuckle, not having moved from her place by Lexa's bedside since the second she woke up.

"How about your head?" Lorelai asked waving her pen light back and forth in front of green eyes. "Any headache, blurry vision, nausea?"

Lexa shrugged and blinked the sting away when the light was finally lowered. "Minor headache, but other than that, it's fine."

"Alright. Everything seems fine, but I'm still going to want to run some tests to be absolutely sure." She informed both Clarke and Lexa. "You were in a coma for almost two weeks. That in combination with the trauma you went through, your muscles started to atrophy. It's not too significant, but you are going to be out of commission for a while."

"How long until I can get back to work."

Clarke did well hiding the cringe she felt when she heard Lexa ask that question. She knew being a cop was in her blood and she'd be eager to get back to what she does best, but she just woke up. Clarke didn't want to think about how she could lose her so easily.

"It'll be a few weeks before we can even think about that. Right now, I want to focus on your internal organs healing up better and make sure the trauma to your head won't have any underlying effects. Once that's out of the way, we can get you started with physical therapy and get you back to your old self."

Lexa let out a deep sigh and nodded, feeling Clarke's hand squeeze in hers for reassurance. All she heard was that she was going to be stuck in this hospital bed for the next several weeks. That thought alone almost made her hyperventilate. Both doctors caught on to her apprehension when the beeping on the heart monitor gradually increased. Clarke got closer and ran her hand soothingly over Lexa's cheek while Dr. Tsing placed a hand on her leg.

"Lexa." Lorelai began in a soothing tone. "Relax. I know the situation sucks, but you're going to get through it. You may have a long hard road ahead of you and I know it seems like it's going to be damn near impossible. But you have so many people backing you. If anybody can get through these next few weeksâ€¦ it's you."

"She's right babe." Came Clarke's angelic voice in her ear. "You've got this. And I'm right here with you, so is everyone. You'll get there."

With a kiss to her temple, the beeping slowed back to its original pace and Lexa opened her eyes to smile at the two women, thanking them for the pep talk. She was determined now more than she had ever been for anything to make a full recovery.

* * *

**Two Hours Later...**

Finally, they were alone. Dr. Tsing ran her tests, asked her questions, nurses came and went. Anya was outside calling Lincoln and his parents to let them know she was awake and when they could come by and see her.

All Clarke could do, all Clarke wanted to do was look at her. Gaze upon this gorgeous creature that she loved with every inch of her, so unbelievingly happy that she was awake and talking after days on uncertainty. So that's what she did. Sitting in the same chair at Lexa's bedside that she had occupied since the very beginning, holding the brunette's hand, Clarke settled her eyes on girls face committing it all to memory. Every freckle, every contour, every single inch. She knew it all like the back of her hand already, having spent many evenings propped on her side in post-coital bliss gazing at the sleeping form beside her.

Now that Lexa was awake, and getting stronger by the second, Clarke wanted nothing more than to grab hold of those soft, toned cheeks, look into the gorgeous green eyes and profess to her everything she has been feeling since the second she met the detective. But she made a promise to herself. After everything Lexa had been through in her life between everything with her parents, being bounced around different homes in foster care to losing the first woman she ever loved, she closed herself off to anything and everything that held the potential to break her.

The fact that she let Clarke in was a miracle in itself, so the blonde knew that every step they took forward in their relationship, Lexa would have to be the one leading the way. Clarke told herself to wait; to hold in those three words that sat in the forefront of her mind whenever she was in the presence of the brunette. Lexa had to be the one to say it first, and she was okay with that. She would honestly wait forever to hear them because deep down, she already knew how deeply Lexa cared for her just by the everyday little things she did.

Clarke sat staring at Lexa who was resting her eyes after being poked and prodded for over an hour getting tests done, when the brunette began to stir awake. Attempting to clear dry throat, Lexa let out a strangled cough as she opened her eyes.

"You want some water?" Clarke asked her standing up immediately, ready to provide her any and everything she needed. When she nodded, Clarke reluctantly let go of her hand to walk over to the stand across the room that had the water pitcher and cups to pour her girlfriend a glass.

Carefully, Clarke lifted the cup to Lexa's lips, holding her hand underneath to catch any spills, and tilted the cup to allow her to take a few hearty sips. Lexa's eyes never left the blonde's face as she drank. She was reading her. Her eyes were red and puffy from spending days crying, she had bags beneath them, a clear sign that she hasn't been sleeping. She looked pale. Lexa deduced that came from a lack of eating.

This was all her doing. Clarke's life was turned around all because Lexa took a bullet on the job. She could feel the guilt slowly creep up into her. The guilt of knowing Clarke stopped taking care of herself to be there for her. She couldn't help but think, what would have happened had she not survived. She didn't want that for Clarke. Lexa remembered vividly what she went through when she lost Costia, and thinking about Clarke going through that grief made her loathe herself.

When Lexa had had enough sips, Clarke took the cup away and went to set it back down on the other side of the room. "I'm sorry." Lexa croaked out to her.

"For what?" Clarke asked confused.

"All of this."

Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her girlfriend and let out a chuckle, smiling at her. "You're apologizing because you got shot?"

"I've been a cop for a long time." Lexa informed keeping a straight face. "I've seen a lot of officers shot and I've seen what it's like for the people they care about...what they go through. I never wanted to put you through that."

"It's not your fault."

"But this is the kind of thing happens when you date a cop."

"Then it's something I need to prepare myself for." Clarke took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, recalling them moment the girl before her flat-lined and her whole world stopped. "It wasn't easy, but I got through it. You survived, so I did too."

"What if next time..." Lexa swallowed through the lump forming in her throat. "â€¦ I don't survive?" She shook her head as much as her body would allow to get her point across. "I don't want that for you.

"There's not going to be a next time." Clarke answered back in denial, leaning forward and placing her hands on either of Lexa's shoulders.

"Clarke-"

"Lexa..." She interrupted. "I'm not going anywhere. This will not scare me away. I'm in this...with you."

The corners of Lexa's lips pulled up in a slight smile. "I'm not going to change your mind am I?"

It was Clarkes turn to shake her head. "No...you're not. I'm stubborn, you know that." She got up to refill the cup of water once again, noticing that Lexa's mouth had begun to dry once again during the course of their conversation.

"Yeah, I do. That's why I L-â€¦" Lexa had to stop herself from continuing. With her back to the brunette, Clarke freezes in place, hoping in that fraction of a second, she's finally going to hear it. "That's why you're you." Lexa finishes. She wanted to say it. She planned to say it, before all of this happened. Now, though...

Even if Clarke had just finished telling her that she was in this, who's to say she wouldn't change her mind tomorrow. Who's to say she wouldn't get overwhelmed with being with someone that constantly put herself in danger for a living. Her eyes were now opened to the reality of what could happen and she could decide that she wasn't able to deal with it the way she thought she could.

Lexa had been here once before. Years ago when Lincoln shot her in the shoulder to avoid an even worse fate by a madman, Costia, who had gotten the call that Lexa was injured on the job, rushed into the detectives hospital room in tears fearing the worst. Though she was alright, it was nearly the end of their relationship. Costia had spent the next few days contemplating if she could continue to be with Lexa if there was a chance she could lose her to the constant dangers that came with her job. She loved her with all her heart and it was for that reason that Costia considered walking away before Lexa was taken away from her. Lexa was able to convince her in the end, but the bitter irony of fate concluded with Costia being the one to be taken.

Lexa had persuaded Costia all those years ago, but this time around she was going to give Clarke an out. She didn't want to obligate the blonde to stick around with the looming threat of uncertainty. Lexa watched her from across the room. Even though she couldn't see her face, she could still see a flash of disappointment dance across her features. She hated herself for causing that, but she thought it was for the best for right now.

Clarke tried not to let it get to her. She knew what she was getting into when she pursued this relationship and with Lexa being in the state she's in now, she didn't want her to get her hopes up that the brunette would break through her walls and say what she was feeling. A part of her couldn't help but hope though.

Plastering on a believable fake smile and mentally shaking off the letdown, she turned back to face her girlfriend. "...exactly."

* * *

**A few days later**

In the days since Lexa woke up, people came in and out as if there were a revolving door leading to her room. Abby and Marcus were the first to visit on day one. Abby insisted on being kept informed by everyone who treated the young woman, wanting to know her status every hour and pre-approve every test suggested. It wasn't that she distrusted the doctors on her case, but as she stated many times before, Lexa is now a part of her family and an incredibly important part of her daughter's life, making her important to her as well. Marcus wanted to be the one to praise her on her outstanding work with assisting to bring down the Sankru organization and inform her that she, along with the rest of her team were receiving a commendation for their success.

They also wanted to tell her that for the duration of her stay at St. Jo's her only job was to rest and recover. The department would be taking care of all her medical bills and thanks to Abby, she would be receiving the very best care. Try as she might to respectfully decline the generous offers, her girlfriend's parents were adamant that she focus on getting better and leave the rest to them.

Bellamy even made a solo appearance. It was then that Clarke finally left the room knowing the two of them needed to speak privately. Though he fought it off as hard as he could, the shaggy-haired detective couldn't help but get emotional, allowing a few tears to fall as he thanked his partner for saving his life and apologizing to her for what her sacrifice did to her. Even though those kinds of talks made Lexa uncomfortable to no end, she reassured her partner that none of it was his fault and that she'd do it again in a heartbeat because they were a team and it's what they do.

The rest of her team stopped by as well as several other officers from the precinct, firefighters she befriended from the days she spent at Polis after work and even some of the other doctors who she had come to know over the last few months when she would visit Clarke.

What really lifted her spirits (aside from spending all day with Clarke) was when Gustus and Maggie Richards came to see her. They had been out of the country on a cruise during the time she was shot and their phone reception wasn't that great. By the time they found out what had happened to their surrogate daughter, she had already woken up from her comatose state. As soon as their ship docked at it's next destination, the couple abandoned their vacation and caught the next flight they could back to Chicago. They were overjoyed to lay eyes on the woman they helped raise and see that she was doing much better. It also pleased them to meet the infamous blonde doctor that they had heard so much about.

In spite of the fact that she had only woken up a few days ago, Lexa was already beginning to feel better. Every day, she got stronger. But with that strength came anxiety. She was beyond anxious to get back to her old self, get back to work, get back to her life. Lexa hated feeling helpless, it made her think back to her childhood. Nights when her father came after her reeking of booze, hearing his shouting get louder and louder the closer he got. All those times when she was sent to a new group home and was immediately targeted by the bigger children for ridicule and bullying.

Thank god for Clarke. She kept Lexa sane. She knew how to be there for her without making her feel like an invalid. Clarke was by her side day-in & day-out, offering her support for every development in her recovery and there to lift her up for any setback she may have had.

Once Lexa was strong enough to sit up on her own, she wasted no time in inviting the blonde to lay with her in her bed. It had been a while since they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Clarke knew she probably should have declined, afraid she would accidentally pull out an IV or bump one of her wounds, but she craved the feel of being near Lexa after so long that she couldn't wait any more.

They laid side by side. Shoulder to shoulder just basking in the warmth of each other's presence, finally being able to touch one another. Every once in a while, they'd share light kisses and whispers of sweet nothings, giggling to themselves in the quiet, empty room. Clarke was showing Lexa the pages in her sketchbook. A majority of it was filled with drawings of the brunette herself laying in a peaceful sleep in her hospital bed, while others were rendered from memory of lazy cuddles on the couch and other times Clarke felt happiest with her.

"Clarke, these are amazing." Lexa told her quietly.

"Well I had a great muse." Clarke replied leaning in close and bringing her lips to Lexa's in a chaste kiss. God had she missed those lips and couldn't get enough of them now.

The two were then interrupted by a light knock on the door and broke apart to see a man standing in the doorway. "Lexa?"

Clarke looked back to her girlfriend to get a read on her and try to discern if this visitor was wanted or not. All she could tell by the way her green eyes widened was that she was shocked beyond belief.

"Dad?"

"Sorry. I don't mean to interrupt you two." Titus spoke nervously from the doorway. "Indra called. Told me what had happened." He looked back and forth between Lexa & Clarke. "Are you alright?" he asked his daughter.

"...yeah."

Nearly twenty years since Lexa had last seen her father, and her final memory of him came in small clips, blurred by the fact that she had gotten knocked unconscious shortly thereafter. And here he was, in the flesh. He looked as well as could be expected given that she had expected him to drunk himself into oblivion by now, but to Lexa's surprise, he seemed pretty well put together.

"Good... That's good. I'm glad to hear that."

He was nervous. That much was evident just by the way his voice carried and the way he stuck his hands in the front pockets of his jeans for lack of anything better to do with them.

All Clarke could do was sit quietly looking back and forth between the estranged father & daughter, hoping the conversation taking place wouldn't turn into anything too emotionally taxing for the brunette.

"Well," Titus began again filling the awkward silence. "I'll let you get your rest." He paused to run his hand over his head. "Um, I'm going to be in town a while. If you need anything...here's how you can contact me." Titus pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket, placing it on the table by the door. "I can only imagine how angry you must be with me...and you have every right to be. But...Lexa, I'm really glad you're okay and I'm hoping you and I can talk... that you can give me the chance to apologize... when you're better and up for it of course."

Lexa didn't say anything. Words escaped her. She didn't know what to think. This was the last thing she'd ever thought would happen in her entire life. Titus didn't wait for an answer before offered a kind smile to both Lexa and Clarke, then turned to leave. The tension in the room lingered for a while after he left. Clarke looked back to Lexa to see if she was alright, but the brunette's eyes were still trained at the spot where her father had just been standing, still in too much shock to speak a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too boring. I told you to trust me. I love Lexa too much to let anything really horrible happen to her. Let me know what you guys thought of this or the possibility of a sequel. Thanks again for reading and sticking with this. It means a lot to me!!!!!


	14. When You’ve Opened Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a breakthrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took me so long. My writer's block was the worst it's ever been, so I took some time off and went on a few vacations. And when I came back, work picked up. But it was worth it because I was able to finish writing this is two days. Sorry if it seems rushed but I didn't want to take the time to edit so let me know what you think. You can message me here, FF.net, or on at jaycal14.tumblr.com.

As much as Lexa hated hospitals, being away from work or spending all day and night laying around like an invalid, she couldn't bring herself to entirely hate the situation in which she currently found herself. Aside from the dull pain emanating from her wounds and the constant revolving door of doctors and nurses coming in to check on her, Lexa was starting to get used to the time off. In all her years wearing a badge, she had never taken a step back unless is was made mandatory by the department. Even then, she was never completely "off-duty". She would spend hours at the gym, put in some serious practice time at the gun-range, and go over open case files she brought home from the precinct.

 

This time around, was way different. Being bedridden didn't provide her with too many options. It did allow her to catch up on some much-needed sleep that she didn't even realize she had been missing out on. Lexa also found herself suddenly able to get around to reading a lot of the books she had been meaning to. It wasn't a bad way to spend her days.

 

The true blessing, though, came when Clarke spent her breaks with her, or snuck off after her rounds to check in on her girlfriend. It had taken Lexa & Abby a few days to convince the blonde to get back to work, that since the detective was awake and in stable condition, there was no need for her to spend all day at her bedside. The deciding factor, came when her mother and girlfriend suggested that she rack up as many hours as she can. Especially given the fact that once Lexa was discharged, she would still be required to stay home on medical leave until her doctor cleared her for light duty. During which time Clarke had planned to be there with her to help her with whatever she needed.

 

Clarke and Abby weren't Lexa's only visitors. Her teammates would all take turns visiting each day. They'd give her a rundown of everything happening at the precinct, tell her about any funny calls that came over the radios, get her advice on how to go about a new case and even just make idle chit-chat to pass the time. Every so often, one of them would give her an update on how the trial for the Sankru's prosecution was going since she only got limited information from the news.

 

When Indra finally visited, Lexa had asked to speak to her alone, wanting her to explain to her just how long she had been in contact with her father. As her godmother retold the story of events that transpired after the last time she found herself in the hospital, Lexa could do nothing to stop her heartrate from rising as she reminisced to the worst moments of her childhood.

 

Indra took a deep breath and confessed that she and Titus had been in constant communication since the beginning. A few months after Titus left, he called his old partner, wanting to know how his daughters were doing. From there, they would correspond a few times a month and she would tell him about things such as Lexa's most recent foster home situation and Anya's latest hiccup in trying to get custody of her younger sister. Over the years, whenever either girl had an accomplishment, Titus would receive notice and have no choice but to revel in his pride alone.

 

Though it was hard to hear, it was something she needed to. Lexa was on the fence about how to process this new information. Wanting some time to mull it over, she asked Indra to leave her alone for the time being, to which the older woman respectfully obliged. She never meant to keep it from her as long as she did, but the older she got and the more obstacles she faces and overcame in her life, the harder it was to reopen old wounds.

 

Lexa finally got around to telling Anya, who was equally as pissed and her younger sister had been. After a very long and somewhat emotional talk, Anya let her know that whatever she decided to do in regard to contacting their father, she would have her back without question, just as she had their entire lives. Lexa couldn't bring herself to decide right then and there. She needed time to decide on whether or not reconnecting with the one man who was supposed to protect and nurture her, the man who shattered her trust in such a profound way, would provide her with the closure she never got or be the final straw that sent her into the downward spiral her life almost certainly should have taken. That kind of thing tends to take a while.

* * *

**2 Weeks Later**

-

Of all the challenging experiences Lexa had ever endured in her 27 years of life on this earth, this by far was the most challenging of them all. Earlier in the week, Lexa was cleared to start her physical therapy to build her strength back up and right out of the gate, she knew it was going to be a challenge. Due to the extent of her injuries and the fact that she was essentially comatose for nearly two weeks and bedridden for another six, the sessions would be pretty intense. Lexa would basically have to relearn how to walk again. Thankfully, there was no substantial nerve damage in her legs or any trauma to her spine; all she needed to do was recondition the muscles that had sat dormant in the wake of the incident.

 

Despite the fact that it was one of the most difficult feats she would ever have to attempt and subsequently accomplish, Lexa was the most determined she had ever been. 'The quicker you heal the quicker you get to leave' soon became her personal mantra. Two o'clock rapidly came to be her favorite time of day. The minute that clock hit the hour, Clarke came sauntering in in all her radiant beauty, ready to escort her to her sessions.

 

It was now 3:30 PM. Lexa's physical therapy appointment was over and Clarke was supporting most of her weight as the two of them walked down the hallway. Lexa had insisted upon it, wanting to get an extra workout and simultaneously put off going back to her room as long as possible. Every day she was getting stronger and starting to feel like her old self. There was still a bit of pain and times she felt herself growing tired quicker than she used to, but she pushed through.

 

"Baby, slow down." Clarke warned as she gripped onto her girlfriend's waist. She knew Lexa had to be exhausted after her session and seeing her trying to power walk down the corridor raised some concern in the young doctor. "You're not supposed to be over-exerting yourself." Lexa, ever the stubborn rebel, acted as though she didn't hear and trudged on. "Seriously, you're not in a race." Clarke tried again.

 

"The faster I heal up, the quicker I can get the hell out of here." Lexa recited her new tune through pants.

 

"Not if you re-open your wounds and cause a serious setback." Clarke halted them both in their tracks and moved to stand in front of Lexa, letting her know she was being genuine. "Look, I get it, you're going crazy laid up in that bed all day, but you're almost there. Don't wreck all that by getting too eager."

 

Lexa let out a deep sigh. I'm not trying to wreck it, I'm just trying to expedite the process. But I'm being careful."

 

"What can I do to help?" Clarke asked sweetly.

 

"Find me a time machine." Lexa replied with a hint of bitterness in her tone. After a moment silence, she tried to laugh it off awkwardly, but Clarke didn't budge. "I' sorry." She rebounded.

 

"It's fine." Clarke reassured her. "You're fine. But talk to me. I know this isn't easy and you've been putting on a brave face, but you know you can tell me anything. So, tell me... what's going on up here?" She brought her hand up and softly caressed Lexa's head.

 

Lexa found herself leaning in to the touch, finding comfort in the action. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head before looking Clarke in the eye and confessed. "I'm still just trying to wrap my head around all of this and figure out what I'm feeling. I hate that I got taken down by some idiot who probably never even shot a gun before that day, I hate that I haven't seen my bed in I don't even know how long. I hate that I'm angry over something I had no control over and most importantly... I hate that I'm forced to use my incredibly gorgeous and supportive girlfriend as a walker just to get up and down this damn hallway."

 

Clarke ran her hands up and down Lexa's arms and allowed herself to smile slightly. "Well, your 'incredibly gorgeous and supportive girlfriend', just wants you to be okay. No matter how long that takes."

 

And there it was, yet again. Regardless of the circumstance, in spite of the situation, Clarke never failed to remind Lexa that she was in this for the long haul. She proved time and time again that she was committed. This was an act of love. Unconditional and irrevocable love. It was then that Lexa realized why Clarke had yet to profess as such and why she wouldn't. Not yet. Knowing everything Lexa had been through in her life, she would wait as long as it took for her to be ready to hear it. And it was that precise reason that Lexa knew the time was long since due that she needed to tell her. Soon.

* * *

**The Next Day**

 

Lexa sat up in her bed, having read the same sentence for the umpteenth time in a row and still had no idea what it said. It had nothing to do with her understanding, but everything to do with what's been weighing heavily in her head since the second she woke up and first saw those gorgeous blue eyes that belonged to the most amazing woman in her life. She couldn't get those three words to stop dancing across her mind, taunting her to finally say them.

 

As she set the book down, giving up on pretending to read and rubbed her eyes, a knock on her door caught her attention.

 

"Lexa." Came the familiar voice of her department assigned psychologist as she stepped through the door and approached her bedside.

 

"Dr. Pramheda. Hi." Lexa replied, sitting up a bit straighter.

 

"Please, call me Alie. I'm glad to see you're doing much better. I couldn't believe it when I heard about what happened to you. How have you been doing since all this?"

 

"Is that why you're here?" Lexa asked. "In a professional capacity?"

 

Alie grinned and gave a slight nod. Lexa was by far more astute than any other patient she'd had. "The department thought you would benefit from a few sessions during your medical furlough. Mandatory, I'm afraid."

 

"That's fine. I totally get it. You want to start now?"

 

"Only if you're up for it." Alie offered.

 

"Sure." Lexa said, motioning with her hand for Alie to take a seat in the chair closest to the bed, usually earmarked for Clarke.

 

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked as she sat.

 

"Physically, I'm still pretty weak. But, I finally got cleared to start physical therapy a few days ago."

 

"I can imagine that's been incredibly taxing, given the extent of your injuries."

 

Lexa nodded. "Yeah. But I've come to realize that I have an amazing support system."

 

"Did you doubt that before?" Alie asked genuinely curious.

 

Lexa thought on it for a moment. "To tell you the truth, I don't think I ever really thought about it."

 

"Why not? You've been a cop a while. Your division, especially, has you dealing with the more drastic criminal situations. Surely the idea of you being seriously injured has crossed your mind at least once."

 

"Not really." Lexa was being completely honest. Never had she once entertained the idea that something horrible could potentially befall her.

 

"Well, then." Alie pressed on. "What about emotionally? How are you feeling?"

 

It was several seconds before Lexa responded, using that time to wrack her brain for the answer to a question she had been asking herself daily. "I'm not sure. Hell, I don't even think I know how I'm _supposed_ to feel."

 

"Why don't you tell me what was going through your head immediately after you were shot."

 

Once again, Lexa didn't answer right away. She thought on it, thought long and hard. She took herself back to that day, that moment that changed everything. Closing her eyes, and letting it all wash over her, she vocalized every sensation she could articulate. "...anger... confusion... fear."

 

"You were scared?" Alie jumped in, honing in on that last word.

 

"I was terrified." Lexa admitted, opening her eyes once again.

 

"Of?" She asked. Taking in the blank expression across the detective's face, she knew Lexa didn't know how to answer, so she pushed. "Death?"

 

Lexa slowly shook her head. "Not exactly." Alie waited her out, staying quiet to let her work it out on her own. "I was afraid... I was afraid that I would die and leave behind some unfinished business."

 

"What unfinished business?"

Lexa took a deep breath, preparing herself in every way possible to disclose what she never spoke to anyone. Though tears threatened her eyes, though her heartrate slowly began to quicken, she was determined to continue, knowing that she was on the cusp of a breakthrough she so desperately needed. "Confronting my parents." She began, giving everything it took to keep her voice even. "To track down my mother and ask her what I did that was so bad that her best choice was to leave without a word. To find my father, and ask him why her walking out on _both_ of us meant he had to turn on me when it should have brought us closer together."

 

Alie could sense that wasn't all of it, there was more beneath the surface and they both needed to dig deeper. "What else have you left unfinished?"

 

Lexa's lower lip began to tremble. She looked down at her hands sitting in her lap and watched as a tear slid off her cheek and onto the backside of her palm. "Reaching out to Costia's family, and telling them that I'm sorry I couldn't protect their daughter."

 

Even after all she's been through, crying wasn't something she allowed herself to do often. Quickly wiping away all evidence of such a sensitive moment, she cleared her throat hoping they could both act as though it never happened.

 

"What else Lexa?" Alie asked leaning forward in her seat. They were making too much progress to let her regress now. She still had something holding her back, preventing her from moving forward from this place in her life.

 

Lexa regained her composure and stared off into some random corner of the room. "Finding the courage I need to tell Clarke how I really feel about her." She laughed at her own admission. It felt like a weight lifting off of her shoulders, which compared to everything else that had been said in the last few minutes, seemed rather inferior in magnitude. But to her, it was by far the most important one, because while the rest focused solely on righting the past, this was the stepping stone to her future.

 

"And how do you feel about Clarke?"

 

The brunette let out a low chuckle, smiling at the truth she was growing increasingly comfortable admitting out loud. "I'm in love with her."

 

Alie smiled along with her. "And why is it you haven't told her that?"

 

"I was afraid to let myself fall for anyone else. I thought it would be disrespectful to Costia's memory, or if I allowed myself to move on with someone in that way, they would suffer the same fate that she did."

 

"Yet you pursued a relationship anyway. And now you find yourself falling in love all over again. What prompted you to do that given your feelings about that very thing?"

 

"I guess, somewhere down the road, I realized Clarke was worth it. She _is_ worth it. And if I want the chance to have a life that doesn't end with me being anything like either of my parents, then I need to stop being afraid."

 

Alie nodded with pride. "I agree. And I think you're right on track to doing just that. You know what your first step is right?" Going off Lexa's look, Alie continued. "I'll give you a hint, you just confessed it to me. There's someone else that deserves to hear it a hell of a lot more."

 

Lexa knew it was long overdue. But the time has come she tell Clarke. Though she couldn't just simply blurt it out the next time she saw her. After all Clarke had done for her the last few weeks, all she's done since day one, she deserved much better. She deserved something extraordinary. And Lexa was inclined to do just that for the girl she loved. Clarke was special.

 

"You're right."

* * *

**Later that day**

-

Lexa waited anxiously for her next visitor. Her stomach began twisting into knots hoping

 

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the quiet knock on the door that she had been waiting for. Without her having to say anything, the door slowly opened and Abby poked her head in.

 

"I heard you wanted to see me." She said, entering the room and closing the door behind herself.

 

"I did."

 

Abby approached the side of the bed with ease, curiosity written all over her face. "Is everything okay?"

 

"Yeah. Things are..." Lexa smiled. "Things are great, actually."

 

"Well that's good to hear." Abby replied matching the smile with her own.

 

"I was hoping I could get your help with something."

 

"Okay." The woman said tentatively, taking a seat in the chair. "What do you need?"

 

Lexa found her nerves returning in full force. But. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she regained her composure and forced herself to say what she had planned to the woman. "The day all... this happened," she gestured to herself and the hospital bed she'd been confined to for the better portion of the last few weeks. "I was planning to take Clarke out to dinner. And it was during that dinner... that I was going to tell her I loved her for the first time." Taking a pause, she looked up at the mother of her girlfriend to gauge her reaction to what she had just divulged. Seeing no obvious effect, she carried on. "I hope that's alright with you."

 

Abby smiled genuinely and leaned forward, placing a hand on Lexa's leg. "Lexa... It's absolutely alright with me. What you and my daughter have is all I have ever wanted for her. And I know how much you mean to her."

 

"She means a lot to me too."

 

"I take it you haven't told her yet."

 

"No." Lexa said, shame lacing her tone. "After I woke up, I was afraid if I said it then... she'd say it back out of pity or something. I didn't want to make her feel obligated to stick it out with me after really seeing how bad things could get."

 

"Clarke's not exactly the type to do anything she doesn't want to do."

 

"No, I know. She's special. I had a lot of my own issues and insecurities to work through, but I'm ready now to go all in. And that's what I need your help for."

 

Abby allowed a full-blown grin to cross over her face as she leaned back and crossed her legs, ready to get down to business and do her part in ensuring the happiness for her youngest daughter. "What do you need me to do?"

 

Lexa went on to explain the details of her plan to present Clarke with a grand gesture and prove to her just how deeply she cared for her. She had spent the last few hours mapping it out in her mind, down to every last detail wanting it to be perfect. All she needed was for Abby to sign off on it and the plan would be set in motion. She knew she could get everything she needed from her friends, she knew the hospital staff would help her in any way they could and now that she had the Chief of Administration in her corner, all there was left to do was put it into action.

* * *

Clarke made her way to her girlfriend's hospital room, taking a much-needed break after assisting on two surgeries and completing her rounds. When she got there, however, she was met with an empty bed and mind running with curiosity. She made sure she knew about every appointment on Lexa's schedule, and after wracking her brain again and again, she was sure the wasn't anything set for this afternoon. Before she could speculate the reason for her absence, she noticed Maya approaching her timidly.

 

"Hey Maya, do you know where Lexa is? She's not supposed to have physical therapy for another couple of hours." She asked.

 

"Uhmm... Lexa wasn't feeling well, so they took her to run some tests about an hour ago." Maya told her through a shaky breath.

 

Clarke felt like she too would be sick. Lexa suddenly being taken for tests couldn't mean anything good. She needed to be with her. Clarke pushed down the wave a nausea she felt long enough to try and find out where exactly her girlfriend was at this very moment. "Where did they take her?"

 

"I'm not sure. But your mom and Lorelai asked me to tell you to meet them in the break room. They want to talk to you about it." Maya gave her a sheepish smile before turning away and leaving her standing in the empty room.

 

Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes, wanting to calm herself for whatever it was she was getting ready to face, before making her way to the break room where her mother and mentor were waiting.

Standing outside the door with her hand on the doorknob, she took another breath and opened it, yet nothing could possibly prepare her for what she had just walked into. The once plain room, whose sole purpose was to be a weigh station for doctors staring down the latter half of a double shift, was now decked out with tea lights and flowers on every surface. And sitting in the middle of it all was Lexa, looking better than ever, staring her down with a look of nothing but pure adoration.

 

"Lexa?" Clarke began, still in shock. "What's going on? What is all this?"

 

"You like it?" The brunette asked calmly.

 

"It's beautiful. But why?"

 

Lexa gripped the arms of the chair she was sitting in and braced her weight, lifting herself up, struggling to stand. She wanted to do this right, bullet wound be damned. In an instant, Clarke rushed to her side to help her, not wanting the woman to strain herself before explaining the reasoning behind this sudden surprise.

 

"Babe. What are you doing?"

 

"I'm alright." Lexa reassured her as she reached out to grab hold of Clarke's hands and met her eyes.

 

"Why'd you do all this?" Clarke tried again.

 

Lexa gave her hands a squeeze, running her thumbs across her knuckles. "I wanted to surprise you. In all the craziness these last few weeks... we missed our one year anniversary. And I also wanted to make up for the fact that we had to cancel our dinner plans at Trishana because of me."

 

"I don't think I'll be able to hold that against you." Clarke told her playfully.

 

"Still, I felt horrible. So, I was hoping we could make up for it right here, right now." Lexa gestured to the table set up behind her that Clarke hadn't noticed until just then. Two hospital food trays sat with their covers on to keep the food warm.

 

Clarke looked at them skeptically. "We're going to make up for a date at Trishana with food from the hospital cafeteria?" She appreciated the gesture, but she worked at the hospital and knew first hand that the food was nothing to brag about.

 

"Not exactly." Lexa chuckled, knowing exactly what the blonde was thinking. She lifted the cover from one of the trays to reveal a to-go bag from the food truck that Clarke loved.

 

"A 'Chef's Choice' sandwich & 'Greek fries' from the 'Toasty Cheese' food truck." Clarke smiled remembering one of the first meals they ever shared, when Lexa surprised her at the hospital with her favorite lunch. "Did you flash your badge to get to the front of the line this time too?"

 

"No, but I did have to bribe your sister."

 

"Well, then... Shall we?"

 

After pulling out Clarke's chair for her, an act she was hesitant to allow her to do, Lexa took her own seat. The two shared a meal together and for the first time in a while, they spent time together as if none of the recent events happened. It was as if things are back to the way they used to be. When they finish eating, Clarke notices Lexa staring at her adoringly.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing." Lexa said shaking her head. "I just don't think I'll ever get used to how beautiful you are."

 

Clarke blushed. "I don't think I'll ever get used to you constantly complimenting me like that."

 

At that, Lexa stood up, somewhat struggling again to do so but pushing on anyway, and held her hand out to her girl. "Dance with me."

 

Clarke looked at her confused. "Are you hearing music that I'm not?"

 

As if prepared for that exact question, Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed play. Music sounded from a Bluetooth speaker across the room. Clarke took her hand and stood, allowing herself to get pulled close.

 

They swayed together, back and forth to 'All of Me' by John Legend started to play through the speakers. "I don't want you to over-exert yourself, babe." Clarke told her.

 

"Don't worry. I'm more than okay." She swore to her. Lexa looked deep into Clarke's eyes and decided it was now or never. "I wanted to thank you."

 

"Again? Lexa... you don't have to keep thanking me."

 

"No, I do. Throughout all of this, you've been my rock. And you have been so wonderful. Supportive, patient and understanding. I wanted to show you how much I appreciate it." She took a deep breath, never once breaking eye contact. "How much I appreciate you... because I Love You."

 

Clarke stopped them both in their tracks as the music played on and looked up at her girlfriend, almost convinced that she heard her wrong or she hallucinated it all. "What?"

 

"I love you, Clarke. I should have told you a long time ago and I'm sorry I didn't, but I can't hold it back from you anymore. I am so, crazily in love with you."

 

"I love you too." Clarke said with the largest smile and tears of pure joy forming in her eyes. Then, in one swift motion, their lips connected in the most passion fueled kiss they've ever had. When they broke for much needed air, they remained close, resting their foreheads on one another's.

 

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to tell you that." Clarke whispered as her lips ghosted over Lexa's.

 

"Why didn't you?" Lexa asked though she more than likely already knew the answer.

 

"I didn't think you were ready to hear it yet. I thought that if I did... you'd pull away again."

 

Lexa shook her head. "Not anymore." She said pledged to her in that moment, before leaning in and connecting their lips together once again. The moment was soon over when Clarke pulled away and lightly smacked Lexa on her arm. "Ow!" She yelped and looked at the blonde incredulously. "What the hell was that for?"

 

"That was for scaring the hell out of me."

 

"What are you talking about?" Lexa asked confused.

 

"Maya. There were plenty of other ways to get me here without telling me that there was something wrong with you and you needed to go get tests done."

 

"That's what she told you?" Based off Lexa's facial expression, Clarke knew she had no idea.

 

"You didn't tell her to tell me that?"

 

"I swear I didn't. All I told her was to say whatever she needed to get you here, but I didn't think she'd go that far." Thinking about it, Lexa couldn't help but let out a laugh, to which Clarke soon joined in. "Babe, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

 

"It's fine." Clarke told her as her laughter died down. "You're just lucky I love you." She said as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around Lexa's neck, feeling the brunette's hands land on her hips.

 

"Is that so?" She asked playfully.

 

"It is. I love you, so much."

 

"And I love you so much more." Lexa answered back without missing a beat, leaning in once again to kiss the woman she loved. No longer was she going to hold back when it came to Clarke. She was fully prepared to give herself to this girl without any regrets.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that. Let me know if you did or didn't. The next chapter will be the last. Then I will either start working on the sequel or a couple other fic ideas I have. HMU with your thoughts on my next move. jaycal14.tumblr.com


	15. I Run To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa comes home from the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have no idea how sorry I am that I took this long to get this chapter out. Sadly, this is the end of this story, but I am still contemplating a sequel, depending on how many readers actually want one. Let me know and enjoy!!

**One Month Later**  
-  
Clarke watched silently from across the room as her girlfriend tried, with great difficulty, to put on her jacket without moving her arm. Lexa had managed to dress herself successfully so far. Once Dr. Tsing had finally given her the all clear to be discharged, she hopped out of bed, threw off her sling and grabbed the clothes her sister had brought her for this very moment. Clarke had offered to give her a hand, but Lexa declined, not wanting to feel like an invalid for another second. Surprisingly enough, she was able to slip on her black sweatpants and matching tank top without issue, save for the occasional wince when she accidentally raised her arm too high and stretched the surgical scar on her ribcage. Her jacket, however, was the task proven to be most challenging. Pulling her right arm through the long sleeve was easy, but her true struggle came when she tried to reach the other sleeve dangling behind her back. Clarke fought herself to suppress the urge to laugh at the scene before her, as it resembled a dog chasing its own tail.

Eventually, she decided that enough was enough. Walking around the hospital bed that would, from now on, represent one of the worst moments in her life, Clarke came up behind the brunette she adored and helped her guide her arm into the other sleeve in her jacket.

“Thank you.” Lexa said as she turned to face her girlfriend, unable to hide the defeat in her voice. She hated feeling helpless.

Clarke reached around her to grab the sling off of the bed. Throwing the strap over Lexa’s neck, she helped her carefully place her arm back in the holder. “Listen. I know how hard it is for you to let yourself rely on other people, but for the time being, while you’re still ‘out of commission’… Just know that I will always be right here… and that you can rely on me.” Clarke didn’t need her to say anything. Giving her girlfriend a sweet and gentle kiss, she let her words sink in. Their moment was soon interrupted at the arrival of Harper bringing in a wheelchair.

“We all ready to go in here?” Harper asked cheerily, giving both girls a smile.

Clarke looked over to her coworker and smiled right back. “Just about. Thank you, Harper.” She said before the nurse left the room.

Lexa eyed the offending object she left behind with the greatest disdain. “Okay there is no chance in hell I’m getting in that thing.”

“Sorry babe. It’s hospital policy.” Clarke made her way over to the wheelchair, moving it closer to her girlfriend to make it easier for her to get into.

“But my legs work just fine.” Lexa said with a pout.

Clarke gave her a small chuckle. For a badass detective, this woman was awfully adorable when she pouted that way. “I know they do. This is just a precaution.”

“No way.” Lexa stated firmly. “I’m not doing it.”

“Alright how about this,” Clarke started, wanting to try a different method. “Either you get your hot ass in this chair and let me wheel you downstairs, or you can get back in that bed and stay right here. Your choice.” The blonde shrugged.

She could see Lexa contemplating it in her mind. “Fine.” She finally relented.

“Wise choice.” Clarke nodded as Lexa gently and reluctantly lowered herself into the chair.

“Whatever,” Lexa grouched, “you’re just lucky I love you.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile to herself as her entire body filled with euphoria hearing Lexa say that in such a nonchalant manner. Never will she ever get tired of hearing her say that.

“Right back at Ya, babe.” She replied, leaning down to deliver a quick peck to the brunettes lips.

The girls took one last glance around the room they’d each spent the better part of the last two months in, wanting to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything. Raven and Octavia had already come and picked up all of the flower bouquets and stuffed animals Lexa had received.

Gustus and Maggie, Lincolns parents and Lexa’s former foster parents, who had been on a month-long cruise on the day of the shooting and unreachable until after Lexa woke up, had finally made it back to the states to visit their surrogate daughter. They were relieved to see that she was alright and in the best possible care. It also made them happy to finally meet the illustrious Clarke Griffin. They helped with the upkeep on Lexa’s apartment, checking the mail, watering plants and tidying up, wanting everything to be in perfect order for Lexa’s return.

* * *

It took Lexa longer than normal to ascend the stairs to her apartment, even with Clarke's help. She honestly could not wait until she was in better condition to get back to her training regimen and get back to her usual self. Once she did, getting back to work would come soon after and she had every intention of being better than before. When cops come back from something like this, it was pretty common for them to miss a step, hesitate or have to ease back into being who they were before. Lexa would be damned if that was to be her path. She worked hard to be the detective that she was, and it would take a hell of a lot more than a bullet and a few months on medical leave to rid her of her drive.

"How are you feeling?" Clarke asked, looking up at her from her place at her girlfriend's side acting as somewhat of a crutch. Walking up all those stairs couldn't have been easy for anyone in such a weakened state and Clarke was concerned for her wellbeing.

"I'm good." Lexa smiled back through a wince that did not go unnoticed by her counterpart.

"We're almost there."

When they made it to the door, Clarke moved out from Lexa's side, both instantly missing the contact, and fished her keys out of her purse to unlock the door. As she found the right one and inserted it into the door Lexa spoke up once more. "Since when do you have a key to my apartment?" She asked with an amused smirk.

Clarke stopped in her tracks as it dawned on her. She looked back and forth between Lexa and her key ring as it poked out the door. "Oh. Um... yeah. Anya had one made for me, so I could help out while you're recovering." She explained nervously. It hadn't occurred to her until now that Lexa may not have wanted her to have a key just yet. "I'm sorry, I should have told you. I'll give it back once we get inside."

"Clarke." Lexa interrupted her nervous rambling. "It's fine babe, I want you to have it."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm just mad that I wasn't the one to give it to you, but as long as you have it, it's all the same to me."

Clarke had to bite her bottom lip to keep herself from showing the giddy smile that was fighting its way through. She turned back to the door and turned the keys until they heard the click and pushed it open. Lexa was the first to step through the entryway and upon doing so, was met with a sight she should have anticipated.

"Welcome Home Commander!!" Came the shouts from all five of her teammates, followed by a wave of applause from other friends and family in the room. Normally, Lexa wasn't a fan of surprise parties or any party where she was the center of attention, but after all that she just went through and what was undoubtedly going to be a long, hard road ahead, being in a room with everyone she cared about was exactly what she needed right now. Looking around, it was a simple gathering. Her dining room table was covered with all kinds of food and pastries and sitting next to it was a cooler filled with soda, beer and bottled water.

"I hope this was okay." She heard Clarke as she came up behind her. Throwing an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder, Lexa placed a delicate kiss on the top of her head and smiled down at her.

"This is perfect." She told her quietly, then turned to the rest of the occupants. "This is great guys, thank you for all this."

"You didn't honestly think we'd miss the day you got released from Purgatory, did you?" Gina asked having clearly had a few beers already. Lexa simply rolled her eyes in lieu of a response.

"Purgatory?" Raven asked, confusion evident in her tone. "She had a private room in a state-of-the-art hospital with round the clock care."

"Yeah but she was also confined to a hospital bed, hardly able to move, doctors and nurses poking and prodding at her, and she could barely even walk to the bathroom without assistance. For Lexa Carey, that is the definition of Purgatory." Gina took another swig from her beer.

"Don't you mean hell?" Lincoln asked just for shits and grins. 

Without missing a beat, Gina was quick to clarify. "No, if she was in hell all the doctors would have been evil clowns."

"Okay," Came Bellamy. "Gina's officially cut off."  He grabbed the bottle out of her hands with a bit resistance from her end just as Lincoln made his way over to the guest of honor.

"Welcome home little sister." He said as he wrapped his arms around her in a firm but gentle bear hug, careful not to aggravate her scars.

"Thanks, big brother."

Once Lincoln hugged her, it started a domino effect and soon, everyone was walking up one after another to hug her and welcome her back. Lexa allowed the brief moment of affection, knowing that they needed it more than she did. As soon as it was over, they carried on with the celebration as though it never happened, and she was all the more grateful for that.

Lexa alternated between standing and sitting every few minutes. Whenever Clarke thought she was on her feet too long, the blonde was right by her side to usher her into the nearest chair. The second Clarke got distracted enough, Lexa got right back up only for the process to happen all over again. Lexa was able to get an idea of what she could expect in the next few weeks as Clarke would be the one staying with her during the remainder of her recovery. Thanks to Abby, Clarke was able to list her shifts as in-home hospice care given that Lexa was a patient at her hospital.

The party lasted a few more hours before Clarke politely kicked everybody out, citing that Lexa needed her rest. Everyone made plans to take turns visiting and helping out with whatever they needed. Abby assured them that she would pick up any prescription refills needed and stop by for check-ups every few days. Maggie offered to bring over food to unfreeze and reheat so neither would have to worry about cooking.

Once everyone was gone, Lexa decided to take a shower, wanting to wash off the last remnants of the hospital from her skin. After she got out, Clarke changed her bandages and gave her her pain meds and antibiotics. It didn't take long for Lexa to succumb to sleep after all the days excitement. As she slowly drifted off, she wrapped an arm around Clarke, wanting to feel her girlfriend in her arms as they laid in her bed, finally home.

 

* * *

 

**That Night**

-  
Clarke watched over the woman she loved through watery eyes from where she sat in the nook of the window just a few feet away from the bed. The partially obstructed moon shone through the glass and illuminated the brunette who lay sound asleep on her back with the sheets pulled up to her waist, exposing her bandage covered torso. Clarke pulled her knees closer to her chest and turned her head away in an attempt to muffle her quiet sobs and sniffling.

Lexa was home. After weeks upon weeks of hospital living, Lexa was finally home and laying in her own bed. Tonight was the first night since the shooting that Clarke would not be forced to sleep alone, something she had been longing for since Lexa woke from her unconscious state, and now that her girlfriend was actually here, all Clarke could do was cry. It was as though all the tears and emotions she withheld for the last few months to stay strong, came rushing to the surface in full force and wouldn’t let up until she gave in.

Clarke was so focused on ensuring that she kept as quiet as possible, that she didn’t hear the soft rustle of the sheets as Lexa blindly reached over to the other side of the bed in search of the blonde. When her hands came up empty, she opened her eyes part of the way and looked around the room, stopping when they landed on her girl in the window. As she allowed her eyes to open wider, little by little, she saw Clarke bring her arm up to her face to wipe away the tears streaking down her cheeks and got up as quickly as her body would allow in its current state.

“Clarke?” She said as she got out of bed and approached her. She sat in before her in the remaining space of the nook and set her hands on her knees gently. “Hey… babe, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Clarke hastily wiped the remaining evidence of her tears away, almost as though ridding herself of them would erase the fact that they ever existed in the first place. “I’m fine.” The blonde replied unconvincingly.

“Clarke,” Lexa said lowly, “Talk to me, please.”

Once she felt composed enough, Clarke turned her head and met her girlfriend’s concerned green eyes and took a deep breath. “Ever since you woke up, I have been holding it all in, trying with everything I have not to break. You needed me, so I wouldn’t let myself fall apart. But now you’re here, and you’re okay… and I think it’s all just finally hitting me.”

“Well, I’m here now. So, let it out.” Lexa grabbed her hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

A few moments of silence passed by as Clarke thought about all what was going on in her head and put them into words to convey to Lexa how she was feeling without making her feel guilty. After a while, she was ready to let it all out, but once she looked into those gorgeous green eyes so full of compassion and affection, a fresh wave of tears broke through.

“I was… so scared.” Clarke began between sobs. It didn’t take long for Lexa to catch on what she was referring to, but she waited for her to continue. “We heard about what happened at the warehouse and that cops had been shot & I just got this pit in my stomach thinking you were one of them. Then you weren’t answering your phone…and I tried to convince myself that everything was fine, that you were just dealing with the fallout…. But they wheeled you in on that gurney an hour later and I couldn’t breathe.” She wiped at the tears, making way for the fresh ones that weren’t far behind. “You died... right in front of me. Your heart stopped and my entire world stopped with it. I thought I lost you.” With that, Clarke succumbed to every emotion that had collected within her and began bawling.

Lexa reached out and pulled her close, wanting desperately to protect her from all things that cause pain in the world. “I’m right here. It’s okay.” She lets Clarke cry on her shoulder, holding her tight. Once she calmed down, Lexa pulled away to place her hands on her face, and rest her forehead to hers.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, shaking her head in regret and guilt. “I hate that I put you through that. But I promise you that you’re not going to lose me anytime soon.”

“I just don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen.” Lexa told her confidently.

Clarke pulled out of their embrace. “Yeah, but you don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. Clarke, you mean everything to me. You are my whole world. And no amount of bullets, car accidents or comas will keep me from coming home to you.”

At that, Clarke was able to give a hint of a smile. Leaning forward, she rested her head on Lexa’s once again before bringing their lips together. “I love you.” She whispered between soft pecks. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you so much more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am beyond grateful for those that stuck it out with me through the end. This was my very first Clexa fic and I plan on writing a few more. I appreciate all the comment and kudos that I've received on this, it helped me during some of my worst moments of writers block. Let me know if you would like me to work on a sequel or even give me prompt ideas that you might want to see. You can either contact me on here or on my tumblr. @ jaycal14.tumblr.com. Thanks guys!!! CLEXA FOREVER!!!


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